


The Promise

by ESKcreative



Category: Actor RPF, Aidan Turner - Fandom, Being Human (UK) RPF, Irish Actor RPF, Poldark (TV 2015) RPF, Real Person Fiction, The Bronze Horseman, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, RPF, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, The Bronze Horseman - Freeform, Unrequited Love, multiple perspective, split narrative
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 76,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26324212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESKcreative/pseuds/ESKcreative
Summary: Sophie just wanted to feel something real for once; something true and lasting.But a deeply scarred Aidan was afraid of exactly that.Would it be possible for two souls with such drastically different needs, to find exactly what they truly desired...in each other?Through a series of multiple chances of fate, an overabundance of hesitation, and a friendship that is all but forced upon them, they'll get the chance to finally discover what they've been looking for all along.
Relationships: Aidan Turner/Original Female Character
Comments: 459
Kudos: 220





	1. Chapter One - Sophie

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not claim that any events or personalities in this story are true or accurate. I do not personally know Aidan Turner, and this is therefore just a fictional story loosely based on his character and his likeness. Also, Sophie's character is based VISUALLY on the actress, Kiernan Shipka, but otherwise, is completely made up. I do not make any assumptions about Aidan's real relationships, so any of his relationships mentioned in this story are completely fictional.
> 
> This is my second Aidan Turner fan fiction. If you'd like to read my other story, the link is below:  
> 
> 
> [Brace for Impact](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21775384/chapters/51957205)
> 
>   
> As always, if you like a SLOW burn, then you've come to the right place :)
> 
> This story will be written in split-narrative. The chapters will alternate perspective between Sophie and Aidan.
> 
> Also, I have no posting schedule. I am currenly working on my original novel, so my inspiration will likely alternate between the two.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Follow me on social media below to stay updated!
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)  
> [Tumblr](https://eskcreative.tumblr.com/)

  


**_SOPHIE  
_ **

Sometimes I wondered why everyone else found it so simple to prioritize an easy choice over the right one.

Instant gratification over self-control.

Lust over love.

I leaned back against the firm faux leather of the passenger seat of my best friend’s seven-year-old Hyundai. In the heat of August in Long Beach, California, the bare skin of my shoulders stuck irritatingly to the stiff material. But I was hardly bothered as I stared through my oversized aviators at the various customers passing in and out of the Chevron station.

Some of them were families, pulling their kids along, exhausted from a long summer and ready for school to start. Some of them were alone, on a mission for a snickers bar or a chilled six-pack. I studied their faces, wondering where their thoughts lived. Were they really as alone as they seemed, or were their minds with their spouses at home, or a boyfriend or girlfriend they’d be meeting with tonight for dinner? Or were they pondering the prospect of a steamy encounter with a stranger they might land at the club later on once the lights were out?

My eyes landed on a young woman with bleach-blonde hair at a large ice freezer next to the doors. She wore a bubblegum pink, skin-tight top, a skirt that barely covered her underwear, and bright red stilettos. She shoved her Louis Vuitton purse over her shoulder and wobbled on her heels, opening the door to the freezer and peering in at the bags of ice. I envisioned the dozens of red Solo cups that would be filled with the ice she was about to purchase, and the countless types of alcohol that would slowly melt it all down this evening at some big house party. I did the math in my head, wondering how many bags she needed. She pulled out a large sack of ice, but then she paused and put it back in the freezer.

I shifted in my seat, wondering why she’d stopped. She’d frozen in place and seemed to be staring into the store. I shifted my gaze and tried to see what she was looking at, but the large windows simply reflected the bright daylight around us, and I couldn’t make out anything.

The woman reached up to her shiny mane of perfectly styled hair and shoved her fingers through her roots, willing more volume into them. Then she grasped the hem of her shirt and tugged it down, causing her already plunging neckline to drop even lower, further exposing her enhanced chest.

Just then, the door to the station swung open and a tall, overly chiseled man emerged into the sunlight. His light brown, almost blonde hair was perfectly coiffed atop his head, and he wore the kind of thong sandals that you only saw on college boys who thought they looked better than they did. I focused on the woman again. She saw him too. She quickly stopped fiddling with her shirt and shifted her posture to face him directly. Placing a hand on her hip, she let her weight fall to one side, and she opened her mouth to speak to him. I couldn’t hear from inside the car, but the man stopped in his tracks and looked towards her. I could almost read his mind as he stared her up and down, clearly thrilled by his luck.

He grinned widely and walked to her side, setting down the six pack of beer he’d been carrying. She pointed into the freezer and he responded by reaching in and easily pulling out two large bags of ice. Her gaze immediately landed on his bulging arm muscles, exposed by his sleeveless athletic shirt.

I blinked my eyes, realizing my gaze had gone there too.

He must have said something groundbreakingly hilarious because she suddenly threw her head back in laughter and placed her hand on his shoulder seductively. Then she bent forward to pick up his pack of beer and pointed towards a bright red Volkswagen Beetle.

My eyes followed them as they walked towards it together. He stayed close to her as they went, making sure his firm arm was just barely touching hers. He placed the bags in the back seat, and she handed him the six-pack.

It was at this point where most normal interactions would end. Thank-you’s would be given, and the parties would go their separate ways. Or at least, that’s how things would play out if it were me driving that lipstick-red beetle.

But Miss Stilettos took a step toward Mr. Muscles and placed the tips of her fingers on his chest as she looked up at him through her fake eyelashes. I watched the smirk grow on his face as he began to trail his hand up her hip to her waist, grasping it tightly. They giggled as their faces inched closer together. She leaned in towards his ear and whispered something, to which his grin grew even more, and he returned a whisper into her ear as he trailed his fingers through her hair.

I stared in awe as he took her hand and threw his beer into her car, slammed the door, and led her back towards the gas station. Stilettos wobbled appropriately on her heels as she allowed him to pull her through the parking lot. But they weren’t headed for the main doors. Instead, he took her to the side of the building, and I realized immediately where they were going. Muscles pulled open the door to the unisex bathroom, and they both checked for anyone watching before they darted inside.

With my mouth gaping, I leaned my head back against the seat.

Was it really that easy? Did a few moments of passion genuinely just require a low-cut top and a feigned weakness for lifting heavy objects?

I rolled my eyes under my sunglasses.

The whole art of the one-night-stand seemed a bit shallow and lazy to me, as if it were an excuse to avoid actually putting in the work. They wanted something easy, something quick; just something to scratch an itch.

I stared intently at the bathroom door with my eyebrows pulled together, studying it for any movement. I wondered how long they’d be in there. I briefly imagined what must be going down on the other side.

Just a few moments of passion.

There were no real feelings there.

It surely couldn’t be worth it?

The sudden sound of the driver side door opening pulled me from my thoughts abruptly.

“I bought ALL the snacks.” My best friend, Mia, exclaimed as she plopped into the seat with a bag full of colorfully wrapped treats showing through the thin white plastic.

“Thanks.” I smiled and took it from her, opening it to admire its contents.

“Speaking of snacks, Sophie, did you see that absolutely beautiful piece of man who checked out a few minutes before me?” She squealed.

I sighed. “Yes, he’s currently enjoying himself with some blonde in the restroom.” I pointed towards the door on the side of the building.

“You’re kidding!” She snapped her head in the direction of the door and sat up taller in her seat. “A gas station bathroom? Eww… Even I wouldn’t stoop that low.” She shook her head. “Good for him though I guess…and her.”

I chose a bag of Cheez-Itz from the bag and tore it open, popping a square into my mouth. “They’ll barely remember each other in a week.” I mused. “All they’re after is a few moments of fun.”

Mia cranked the engine and buckled her seatbelt. “A few moments of fun is not the _worst_ thing in the world, Sophie.” She accelerated slowly back onto the main road.

I craned my neck to check the bathroom door again. Still closed. And then my eyes traveled to the bright red beetle. “Her ice is gonna melt…”

“And I bet she couldn’t care _less_.” Mia said.

I frowned, knowing that if I were her, I’d be upset about that ice.

I sighed. “You can’t seriously do something like that without developing some sort of feelings, right? I mean, how do you just walk away from something like that?” I relaxed into my seat and stared out at the road.

“Pass me a Snickers, will you?” Mia asked, holding out a free hand.

I opened one and handed it to her.

“You and your feelings…” Mia laughed. “Your life is SO PG-13…”

“It is NOT!” I pleaded back with her, sitting up in my seat and then furrowing my brow. “It is not…” I repeated more quietly, and then I glared at her.

She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. Her expression was playful and indirect at first, but then it became serious.

“No, you’re right though. You can really get caught up in the moment and let your emotions get the best of you. The trick is fighting that.”

“But _why_?” I refused to understand the intrigue.

“Look, it’s not a way of life, Sophie. Certainly not. But it can be fun. When the right kind of guy shows up on the right kind of night, you just know.”

“I seriously doubt that…” I scoffed, picturing overly eager men with cheesy pick-up lines.

She laughed. “You never know until you try.”

“Hey...” I shot back at her. “I did.”

Mia took a bite of her candy bar and frowned. “ _That_ was NOT the right kind of guy… I wouldn’t set that experience as a standard.” She paused. “And besides. It’s not always just a one-night thing. Sometimes they actually call back. Might actually turn into something.”

I pursed my lips and looked back out the window silently, watching the trees and billboards fly by. But they barely seemed to be moving as fast as my life felt like it was. A 22-year-old aspiring but failing actress, without a boyfriend, I tended to wonder where my life was headed. I was starting to feel like my acting career might become a dead end, but I had such a passion for it, I couldn’t fathom the idea of pursuing anything else. The traditional college route was never my scene. So, I followed my dreams and enrolled in a two-year acting school and graduated when I was 20. I was prepared to sacrifice ease of job options for the opportunity to do what I loved. But now, two years later, I barely had anything to show for it.

I’d landed a few minor roles in local independent films over the years, but I still hadn’t broken into the industry like I desired. The films I’d been part of had not been received very well, and I didn’t blame the critics. None of them had been very innovative or groundbreaking. The characters I’d played weren’t written very well, and I didn’t have much to tap into. I wanted something challenging, something big, something that would make an impact. Exhaustively, I continued to stick with it, paying for the best agent I could afford, attending all the acting workshops I had time for, and hoping that just maybe, my opportunity would appear soon. I was ready to see my name, Sophie Lewis, up in bright, shiny lights. I was ready for a role that would showcase the skills I knew I was capable of.

And mirroring my career, my love life had been practically non-existent too. Senior year in high school, which was now four years ago, I’d dated Jeff Greenwich, who was possibly the most boring human being in the world. We’d dated for six months. He was good to me. He bought me flowers, he was always on time, and he called me every night at exactly 7:59pm. I liked him. He made me happy in all the textbook ways. I had no reason to question our relationship, but I’d been painfully bored. On the surface, we were a perfect match, but deep down, I’d realized that I wasn’t having any fun. I’d felt safe with him, but we’d lacked passion and chemistry. He kissed me the same way every time we were together. It was a good kiss, but it was the same kiss, over and over again.

Jeff was afraid of change, and sometimes, I’d felt he was afraid of his own emotions and desires. He was stuck in a routine, and I couldn’t stand the monotony. I hardly ever felt like he was ever really into me. But instead, he thought he’d found someone who could fit into his little world without much of a disruption. But the truth was, I’d wanted the disruption more than anything. I was drawn to him in the first place because he was reliable and honest. Those were traits I always placed in high regard, and still did now. But without a spark, and without some spontaneity, they were fruitless.

I still remembered the day I broke things off with him. My heart had ached as I’d realized I was rejecting a promise of security. Jeff was handsome and kind, and I knew he liked me a lot. If I hadn’t said my goodbyes, he probably would have stuck around for the long haul. I wouldn’t be surprised if we would even be engaged by now. But I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I needed impulse and desire. When Jeff had looked at me, it almost seemed that he saw me more like a friend. And as crazy as it sounded, in his mind, that was ok. In mine, it was not. I needed a man to make me really _feel things_. I wanted someone to really _want_ me. I wanted to always be anxious to see what he might do next. I wanted to let my hair down. As much as I hesitated to admit it, I needed an untamed kind of love.

Less than a week after I’d ended things with Jeff, I’d found myself at one of Mia’s college house parties with a few friends, and a few too many handsome opportunities laid out before me. I’d been emotional and fed up with the state of my boring life, and the lack of any kind of spark or flame. I’d been so tired of predictable evenings and 7:59pm phone calls. That night, it was already midnight, and without that call to tie me down, I’d been ready to throw caution into the wind.

I wanted to try something new, and I’d done my best to push any thought of Jeff from my mind, not letting myself feel depressed because I’d said goodbye to someone who could have given me a comfortable and stress-free life. There had been a mix of emotions coursing through me, and I’d failed to deal with them properly.

I’d needed something or someone to make me feel alive. And on that night at that party, with the aid of my unbalanced emotions, I’d fallen prey to the smooth words from a handsome college jock who’d clearly had a few too many drinks. His sparkling grin and his practiced lines, coupled with my decision to throw caution into the wind, had convinced me to follow him back to his room.

I remembered feeling hesitant on the inside, but only for a moment, because I quickly fought through my nerves, out of anger for myself and the lack of spontaneity in my life.

I hadn’t even had anything to drink that night, and in my own mind, I was thinking perfectly clearly as he’d taken my hand and walked me upstairs to his room. I’d actually felt a jolt of excitement when I made the decision to sleep with that handsome college jock, because he’d made me feel things that I’d never let myself experience before.

For the few moments that night, as he’d taken me to his room, told me I was sexy, and crashed down onto the bed with me in a tangle of limbs, I’d felt like I’d finally grasped the chance to let my inhibitions free. At 19, I was in bed with a slightly older, more experienced partner who’d looked at me all evening like I was the most gorgeous girl in the room. I’d felt desired and pursued that night, instead of regarded as a routine or an afterthought, and I’d LOVED the thrill…

That was…until the handsome jock had gotten exactly what he’d been seeking all along.

I remembered laying there in bed next to him afterwards, staring at the ceiling and wondering if he was going to turn over and actually look at me. At least when I’d been with Jeff, he’d made sure I was satisfied and happy. But this time, I had completely willingly let this guy use me for his own needs, and nothing else. I was crushed. And mere moments later, he’d taken a deep breath, sat up, and stepped into his pants. And then he’d picked up my dress from the floor and handed it to me without more than a few words. I remembered being taken aback by his emotionless display, and confused about why he was requesting I leave so quickly. I would have hoped he’d wanted to talk, or get to know me a little bit. But then I realized, that if he didn’t even have the time to think of anyone but himself in the heat of the moment, he probably didn’t even care what my name was.

He’d called me a cab quickly and sent me on my way before I had a chance to even ask him what I’d done wrong. And that night, when I’d slumped back into my own apartment and saw Mia up and waiting for me, I’d told her everything. I’d told her how I’d willingly stepped into the opportunity because I was fed up with my emotions. And I’d told her how insignificant and valueless he’d made me feel. She’d held me while I cried, telling me that my experience was not common and not my fault, and that I shouldn’t let it taint my expectations for the future.

But it did. As much as I believed her words, that one-night flings really could be fun for both parties, I’d been officially scarred now. The intrigue of the idea had completely left me. They way he’d made me feel so desired at the beginning of the night was all just an act to get me into bed. It was a horrible feeling, knowing I’d fallen prey to something so fake.

I knew I’d gone willingly into the situation, and had continued that way throughout the whole evening, hoping that maybe each and every next moment would give me some sort of high that I’d been seeking. But my attempts had been fruitless, and instead, I was left with remorse, embarrassment, and a heart more damaged than it had been before the ordeal.

Thus began the next three and a half years of my life. For the first few months, I’d put my passions into my schooling, focusing solely on my skills and my auditions. I worked so hard that I didn’t even have time to think about how depressed I was otherwise.

But eventually, the loneliness, and the nagging desire for the unknown had creeped back into my thoughts. Even after everything that had happened, I still couldn’t imagine going back to someone like Jeff. I was continually torn between my want for two drastically different wishes. I craved a spark that I hadn’t found yet, but I also needed a mature relationship with someone I could trust and rely on. I wanted it to be real. I wanted a deep connection with someone I could really fall for and build a future with.

Much to my dismay, I’d discovered that my perfect cocktail of a man was virtually impossible to find. I’d struck dates with multiple suitors who, like Jeff, showed all of their cards immediately and gave me no reason to find fault. But even though they were perfect on paper, I couldn’t give them a chance when my heart didn’t flutter in their presence.

Then there were more opportunities for me to tip the scales completely to the other side. A few times, I’d locked eyes with young men across the dance floor at the college nightclubs Mia dragged me to, but after my previous failure, I’d never let it go any further. They always made me feel beautiful and desirable, and it was a feeling I longed for. It was a thrill to see them look at me that way, and wonder what might happen next, but as soon as the butterflies erupted in my stomach, I questioned my morals and decisions. And then I slapped myself back into focus, realizing that I couldn’t ever put that kind of trust into an eager man like that again. And besides, a one-night-fling wasn’t what I wanted either. The few times I actually allowed someone to buy me a drink, they were either too drunk to form a coherent sentence, or proceeded to tell me about how many exams they were neglecting to study for because they chose to stay out all night. I wasn’t sure if they were trying to flatter me with the thought of being afforded their attention instead of their grades, or if they literally just didn’t care.

I always walked away from situations like that. I needed a spark, a flame; something. But I didn’t need a grease fire. I didn’t want it to catch quickly and burn out before I had a chance to really enjoy its warmth.

Was it too much for me to ask for a man who could make my heart race while also slowing it down at the same time? I was starting to wonder if I was an anomaly. Did most women fall into one of the two categories? Either content with the boring safe guy, or content with a messy, insecure relationship fueled by a sort of passion that couldn’t be contained? Was I the only one trying to find this happy medium that didn’t exist?

I sighed in Mia’s car as I watched a bright green VW Beetle pass us on the four-lane highway. It reminded me of the red one that Miss Stilettos owned, and I began to think about her again. I wondered what it would feel like to have such an instant physical chemistry with someone, when for a moment, passion and undeniable lust would be all that mattered. Would that ever happen for me? Would I even want it to? And if I ever did let it happen, would I just regret it in the end, anyway?

I clenched my fists in determination. No. I didn’t want a fling. I’d never wanted a fling. I wanted something real, something true, something that would last.

I sighed again and looked over at Mia, who was watching the road in front of her. “Are you still ok to continue driving? I can take over if you want.” I offered.

“No, I’m good. I need something to keep my mind off of how insanely nervous I am to hopefully see _the_ Drew Landers.” She grinned and took a deep breath.

I smirked back at her. She’d been waiting for this day for weeks. We were headed to Malibu this evening; to a nightclub I’d been invited to by one of my more established actor friends. And Drew Landers, star of 4 award-winning movies, and Mia’s celebrity crush since the seventh grade, was slated to be there. I’d almost declined the invitation, but when Mia found out that Drew might be there, I no longer had a choice. At that point, our plans were set, and we were going.

I wasn’t particularly interested in the nightclub scene, but Mia was. I also didn’t fawn over Drew the way that Mia did. Sure, he was tall and fit. He had perfectly styled sandy brown hair and a bright white smile. But he was such a cookie-cutter A-list celebrity that it felt unauthentic to jump on the Drew Landers bandwagon. But she wouldn’t be able to get into the club without me, since I was the one on the invitation list. And even if she _could_ go alone, I’d still have gone with her, because she would need someone to hold her up when she almost passed out from excitement.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my texts, studying the list I’d been sent of potential Hollywood stars who might be spotted tonight. It had been given to me weeks ago, to try and entice those of us budding actors to come mingle. And that’s all it was to me, just an opportunity to get my name out and social network. I was exhausted thinking about the prospect, but I knew it would probably be worth my time. I looked down the names, recognizing a few here and there. Mostly B-list celebrities. Drew was definitely the star of the evening.

There were a few that were familiar, but my eyes lingered on one that made me pause. I pulled my eyebrows together, trying to remember where I’d heard his name before.

Aidan Turner.

I remembered this man from something, but I couldn’t place him right away.

“Hey, who’s Aidan Turner?” I asked Mia. “Do we know that name?”

She furrowed her brow. “No…I’ve never heard of him.”

I looked out the window, attempting to picture his face. I could faintly remember a character he’d played. For some reason, his name seemed to remind me that he’d had an edge. It was exciting. As if he were a predator waiting to pounce.

Suddenly it hit me. He’d been a vampire. It was a role in a lesser-known British television show I’d heard about. It had premiered last year, after it was almost cancelled, but was miraculously brought back by fan support. Word had reached the film and tv industry here in California, and we had all been astounded by the support it had received.

So, I’d watched a preview to see what all the fuss had been about. I was happy the show had done well. But in my eyes, tainted by the film industry already, I scoffed a bit at the production. Sure, it was fun, and entertaining, and a bit of a thrill. It got people watching, but it was not the kind of project that enticed me. In my personal career, I was looking for something more serious, and with more meaning. Maybe a true story. Maybe a historical fiction. Maybe an intricate drama. I wanted to make an impact, challenge myself, and use the acting skills I’d worked so hard to develop.

I flipped my phone shut and ate another cracker, trying to remember what color his eyes had been. I remembered being struck by them…when they weren’t black with vampire thirst.

“I wonder if I’ll get to talk to him…” Mia mused.

I snapped my head towards her. “Talk to who?”

She looked at me like I was crazy. “Drew. Who else?”

I nodded quickly. “Oh, yeah I’m sure you could give it a try.” I took a sip of water and tried to blink the images of Aidan Turner from my mind.

“I want his babies…” She sighed.

I almost spit my water all the way across the dashboard of the car as I tried to hold in my laughter, and I looked over at Mia incredulously, whose face was serious for a moment, until she broke out into giggles too.

“I think this is the exit.” She chuckled, flipping on her turn signal and taking the off ramp.

“You’re ridiculous, Mia.” I screwed the cap back onto my bottle and shook my head, smiling. She would be entertaining tonight, if nothing else.

She pulled into the hotel we’d booked for the night. Its large façade towered over us as we weaved through the parking lot, in search of an empty spot.

Mia cut the engine and looked over at me. Her eyes were wide with excitement. “We’re here!”

I put my hand on her forearm and smiled brightly. “Are you ready for this?”

“I am, are you?” She joked.

I took a deep breath and smiled, preparing to feign interest in the evening, do my networking, and then get to bed as quickly as possible.

Once we’d made it inside and checked in, we headed straight for our room. The two-hour drive surely hadn’t been kind to our appearances, and I knew Mia wouldn’t allow herself to look anything else other than perfect if she were to meet Drew.

While I unpacked, she fixed her hair in the mirror, tousling her dark brown waves into the perfect places. Mia was one of those drop-dead gorgeous brunettes; the kind a man could spot from a distance because she was just so perfect-looking. It was like she carried an aura of elegance around with her. Plus, even thought she was 22-years-old like me, she had curves in all the right places, contrasting my “flat-as-a-board” physique.

She dabbed on ruby red lipstick as I studied my own face in the mirror. My features were soft and smooth, but slightly mousy. I never liked that about myself. I always felt I looked younger than I was. Long eyelashes framed my stale brown eyes. I ran my fingers through my chin-length, light auburn hair, trying to will the same volume into it as Mia so easily had hers. But it was so much shorter, and the volume didn’t have the same effect. After spending some time curling a few soft waves into it, but still feeling like I looked like a fourteen-year-old, I pursed my lips, realizing this was as good as it was going to get.

Mia looked at me for a moment. “Can I do your makeup?”

I took a deep breath. “Fine. Just don’t go overboard.”

“ _Never_.” She gasped, feigning shock.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at her. Mia knew how to overdo things. She knew how to overdo her appearance. She knew how to overdo an evening. She knew how to overdo her responses to eager men. We were different that way. I liked to think of myself as feisty, but reserved. Mia was just feisty.

An hour later, it was almost eleven pm, and we were both dressed and ready to go.

Mia wore a fiery red dress to match her lipstick. It was skin-tight, and the hem fell just a few inches above her knees. She wore heels just as tall as mine, so she still towered over my barely 5’3” frame.

We’d eventually decided to pull my unruly auburn waves up into a tasteful bun, and I wore a black dress that hugged me closely, almost giving me curves that I didn’t actually have. The top of the dress was finished off with long, lace sleeves, which let a fair amount of skin show through.

Wearing the dress felt like wearing another costume, like I was playing the part of a flirtatious young woman who frequently spent her time interacting with equally flirtatious young men at fancy bars and nightclubs.

I could play a character. That wasn’t the hard part. The difficulty would lie in trying to enjoy some of it as myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, we get to see Aidan's backstory, and just what he might be looking for that night in Malibu...


	2. Chapter Two - Aidan

  


**_AIDAN_ **

  
“Another drink, mate?”

Drew seemed dead set on getting me drunk tonight, and the only reason I could sort out, was that _he_ wanted to get drunk _himself_ , and needed to drag someone down with him.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d been in his shoes before. No one likes to drink alone. I could put back quite a few, and probably would tonight too, but only as a result of my own loss of control, and not because of Drew’s persuasions.

I’d met him mere hours ago at a networking dinner in Hollywood, and ever since that first encounter, he’d stuck to me like glue.

You would have thought I would have been the one stuck to him. He was the experienced actor with the lead in multiple box-office hits. He’d landed his first big film role over ten years ago, when he was just thirteen. My feet were barely wet in the tv and film industry. I’d spent most of my short career so far on the stage, but had recently landed roles in two BBC series’; as a vampire, and also a pre-Raphaelite artist. One of which was even in post-production for a second series that we’d just finished shooting.

It felt like my big break might be coming soon, and I was starting to wonder if Drew saw that within me too, and wanted to capitalize. Was he stuck to me this evening because he saw something promising? I could only hope so.

But I was quickly finding out that Drew was a bit of a “try-hard.” I was Irish, and Drew was American, and the way he used the term “mate” with me so nonchalantly made me grimace slightly. It was like he was trying to buddy up with me by using my language, _so to speak_. His pandering came off less like a genuine friend, and more like a genuine _arse_.

I leaned across the bar and signaled the bartender. “Another whiskey. Thanks, cheers.” And then I turned back to Drew, who was nursing his glass of beer liberally.

“Is this your first time in Malibu?” He asked me, brushing his misplaced hair from his eyes.

“First time in Malibu, yes, but not California. I’ve been here a handful of times.”

Drew smirked. “Ah, so I’m sure you’re well acquainted with the ever-eager So-Cal women.”

The corner of my mouth twitched up as I took a sip of my whiskey, remembering the last time I’d been in LA. Oh, I was _quite_ familiar with So-Cal women. Just last time I’d visited, a few months back, I’d met a fit young blonde, and we’d ended up spending quite a bit of time together that week. She didn’t want anything serious. She just craved a bit of fun, and that’s all I’d had the time for either.

“Ahhh…so you _do_ know.” Drew said as he recognized my expression. “They don’t need all the strings here. There’s no attachment. And they’re all so tan and tight.” He took a breath and blinked slowly, clearly picturing the same image that was in my mind. “Plus, they’re all begging for fame, and they’ll do anything to get it.” He leaned back against the bar and downed the rest of his beer in a long swig. “It’s my kind of scene, man, I’m tellin’ ya.”

I looked around the restaurant-turned-nightclub. It was an oceanfront venue, and the large glass doors were swung open completely to reveal an expansive deck that looked over the water. The entire place was pretty packed, and I gazed at the many, many beautiful women who mingled around us. Drew was right. Things were different here in California, especially near Hollywood. There were different priorities and different mindsets. Many of the women here would probably agree to join me back in my hotel room tonight without a second thought, if I asked. It was something I unapologetically had taken advantage of many times on nights like this one. It was nice to have my pick of the room, and it was a lifestyle I’d become used to.

I looked over at Drew, who I assumed had no trouble getting women to come home with him either. “So, you’re looking to get lucky tonight then, eh?” I winked at him.

“Absolutely.” He replied. “My vacation starts tomorrow, and I’d like to start it off with a bang.”

I smirked slightly, recognizing his double entendre, then set my glass down and continued to study the room.

Drew leaned in slightly. “What about you? You’re not leaving alone tonight, are you?”

I bit my tongue and pursed my lips, looking around the room. There were dozens of gorgeous faces, and gorgeous figures to match. Some of them had even glanced my way already. I felt a jolt of eagerness in my core, realizing how easy it would be in a place like this. Just a few flirtatious comments, and an air of confidence that I knew well how to fake.

But then I sighed and blinked, watching one woman take a shot and then wink at me from across the bar. The simplicity of the hunt was usually all fun and games, but every once in a while, I craved the chance for a challenge. Because _really_ , what would an opportunity with them lead to? A messy tangle of legs and arms in a cold, empty hotel room, just for a few moments of pleasure, followed by their constant vocal reminder of how hopeful they were to get their name in with a casting director?

Then I’d hope and pray that they need to head home immediately, instead of staying in my room for the night. Because by the time the thrill of it all wore off for me, I knew I’d just want to be alone.

But they never went home that quickly. I knew that well. They’d always crawl into the crook of my arm for a cuddle, and they’d fall asleep while my arm did the same, filling with prickles and tingles. I’d eventually pull my limb out from beneath her, trying with every effort not to wake her, for fear that she might pull me in again. And then I’d spend an hour or two on my phone, anxiously wondering what she’d think of me in the morning, and whether she’d expect me to call her. And eventually, in the company of a beautiful, but characterless stranger, I’d finally let my eyes droop shut.

Other than the intrigue of the initial hunt, and the relief it all brought me from that pleasure-seeking part of my brain, there was nothing special about these encounters. My mind would go into overdrive in the moment, completely at the mercy of my prick, which only wanted one thing. And once that one thing was satisfied, I always felt like a prick, myself; empty and bored, with an unfamiliar woman next to me, who I’d never call back, because even from the start, I’d never really been _that_ interested in her.

It was a nasty cycle. But it was better than the alternative. At barely 26, I felt like my days of casual flings may have to soon come to an end, but a part of me was terrified of what may lie beyond that decision.

I sighed again, looking down at my half-empty glass of whiskey, wishing that it didn’t so perfectly reflect the way I’d felt last year when I’d let someone I actually cared for, easily tear my heart to pieces, leaving it less than half-full too.

Heather Murray was her name. She had worked in hair and makeup on the set of The Clinic, a tv show I’d played a small role on. She was a Dublin native as well, and a year younger than me. She had one of those flirtatious, spunky personalities that drew me in quickly. During my time on the show, I’d eventually gotten to know her on a personal level, after countless days in the makeup chair with her face so close to mine. She didn’t mind my jokes, and when I teased her, she’d roll her eyes at me, but then I’d see her smirk just as she looked away.

She’d been so sweet to me; giving me extra attention over the other cast members. There was a connection there from the start, and my life started to revolve around those moments with her on set. We laughed at the same jokes, had a lot of the same hobbies, and I’d fallen for her before I even knew what I’d gotten myself into.

Soon, we were catching dinner after long days of filming, or spending entire evenings at my flat, binging on movies and sweets. Until Heather, I’d never felt so devoted to a single person. My own emotions had surprised me when I realized that for the first time, I didn’t even _want_ to look at other women. Before I had a chance to fully understand my feelings, I was telling her that I loved her. And she was saying it back.

For a full year, she spent all of her free time with me, and I with her. Every day was a new adventure, and I was constantly eager to find out more and more about her. She was everything to me. I fell hard and fast, and at that time, she was my axis. Everything I thought and felt and dreamed revolved around Heather. We were inseparable, and I loved every moment.

I’d thought she had fallen just as hard as I, but during our seventh month together, on a routine night, I let myself into her flat, just like I’d done many times before. On a typical night I’d see her alone on the sofa, reading or writing, but on this occasion, the night I’d now never be able to wipe from my memory, she was not alone.

My blood had run cold as I saw a man I didn’t recognize, trouser-less and delivering some kind of pleasure that she couldn’t be bothered pull her attention from. I’d stood there in the doorway, frozen in shock as I’d watched her finally manage to meet my gaze, peering around his arm in surprise. I couldn’t utter a word as I stared at the gut-wrenching scene in front of me. It was obvious that she hadn’t expected to see me that night. And clearly, she didn’t want to.

After a few seconds, she’d opened her mouth like she was about to say something to me, but when she chose to gaze back up at her new lover first, I went completely numb, turned, and left without a word.

Her unfaithfulness hit me like a ton of bricks, sending me into months of depression that I would have never predicted. I’d barely even realized how exposed I’d let myself become, or how far out on my sleeve I’d worn my heart. She’d taken it, squeezed out every last drop, and then squished it into the ground like an unwanted cigarette butt.

Since then, I’d locked the damage up somewhere deep within me, choosing to forego my emotions and stick with relieving simple urges instead, making sure not to mistake them for love. I didn’t even let myself ponder the idea of falling that deeply again. For the last year, all I’d allowed myself were single nights of fun, or short, week-long flings. And still now, I never let anything grow further than that, for fear that the scar on my heart would tear open again, tender and raw.

I looked back at the women in the room here at the club in Malibu. Long legs and tiny waists all flaunting about. I knew myself well, and sometimes self-control was not my strong suit, nor did I really want it to be. In the film industry, the opportunities to lose yourself to lust were all too common, and I’d been known to make a few rash decisions for a little instant gratification.

Instant gratification was safe…emotionally at least. But it was also exhausting and fruitless. I wondered if I’d ever be able to subject myself to the risk of heartbreak again. My throat grew dry with distaste as I remembered how awful it had been the first time.

I looked at Drew, remembering that he’d asked me if I’d be taking anyone home with me. With my thoughts on Heather now, I’d suddenly lost my appetite. “We’ll see. I might take it easy tonight.” I shrugged, not sure I was in the mood.

His eyes widened. “But this is _Malibu_ , man. This is like the crème-de-la-crème of beautiful women.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Promise you won’t write off a chance if it presents itself?”

I took a deep breath and stared at him pointedly, as women in short dresses moved about behind him, catching my attention. My eyes moved back to Drew, and then I broke into a grin. “I’d be lying if I said otherwise.”

“Good man.” Drew patted me on the back, and then ran his hand through his hair again, clearly a gesture that boosted his confidence.

I took another swig of my whiskey, finished off the glass, and looked past him towards the opposite corner of the room. There was a tall brunette, dressed in bright red, chatting and giggling with a small group of girls. I could only see the back of her head, but I could tell that she was probably very attractive. She had that confidence in her stance, and she had a tight figure to boot.

But there was nothing unique about her either. She looked like all the rest; the quintessential California “valley girl.”

I sighed and committed her image to memory for the moment, preparing to move on. Maybe I’d try and speak with her later if nothing else better came along.

I started to look away, but just as I did, she shifted to the side and revealed another young woman across from her. I blinked twice, immediately locked in.

She was shorter than the brunette, and very petite. Her light auburn hair was pulled back into a bun, and she wore a black, lace dress that hugged her small figure tastefully. Her facial features were soft and feminine, and big brown eyes framed with long lashes sat above a small nose and full lips.

She appeared to be attempting to smile as she chatted with the others, but I could tell that she was clearly uncomfortable in this environment.

With a drink in one hand, her other was at her side, nervously pulling at the fabric of her dress. Her anxiousness was endearing and adorable, and I wondered why she was here if the environment made her so uneasy.

She began to speak to her friend, and my eyes found her lips, watching them move as she talked. And then she smiled – a real smile – and her nose crinkled as she began to giggle.

She was gorgeous.

I almost forgot that Drew was standing next to me, because I couldn’t tear my eyes from this girl. She was mesmerizing in every way visually possible. I _had_ to speak to her. I _had_ to hear her the sound of her voice.

“I figure you want to keep ‘em coming?” Drew said from beside me, and I almost jumped. But I looked down to see him holding a fresh glass of whiskey in my direction.

Without really paying attention, I set my empty one down and took the new glass from him, taking another gulp. Drew’s looks were his confidence builder. Whiskey was mine.

It was my third drink of the night, and I felt it in my head just a bit. I welcomed the sensation. A dulling of my senses would allow me to dull my nerves too, if I got a chance to speak to the pretty girl across the room.

The sight of her was sending little jolts of anxiety through my chest. There was such a shy nature and innocence to her expressions. The quiet ones were always the most interesting to me. The challenge I was looking for tonight may have just presented itself. Girls like her were the least likely to give me a bit of their time. It was as if their reserved demeanor gave them the power to see through me; see through the act that I maintained.

She was back to observing again, having given her small contribution to the conversation, and I watched as she studied her companions, as if trying to read them like I was reading her.

Her eyes told a story of innocence and vulnerability. Usually, that type of behavior would boost my confidence even more, but this time, it made her seem almost untouchable, like she might scoff at my advances. But I was invested now.

She shifted her weight back and forth, as if she was anxious to leave soon. But the night had just begun, and I wasn’t going to let her out of my sight until I had a chance with her. The contest had begun. I was sure I wasn’t the only man with my eyes on her tonight, but I wasn’t about to let anyone else get a word in.

I stared at her again, planning my opening line. I’d ask to buy her a drink. That was a safe approach, and straight to the point.

Her impossibly long lashes blinked rapidly as she spoke again to her friends, and I felt myself almost freeze in place, unable to command my body to move towards her. Her eyes darted across her friends’ faces, one by one, and then to my surprise, they landed on mine.

I swallowed and quickly looked away, stunned by her gaze. And then I furrowed my brow and took another drink. The sudden onset of nerves was so foreign to me. I cursed myself internally, realizing how lame I must have appeared, looking away so quickly.

After a few moments of an internal pep-talk, I hesitantly looked up again. She was still in the same spot, and she was sipping her drink as she watched her friend speak. The brunette looked over her shoulder a few times, and it was confirmation that she _was_ attractive, but without the unconventionality of the redhead. Plus, I could tell she was more focused on Drew next to me. Each time she turned back around to her group, I watched her shoulders hunch as she whispered something and giggled.

My eyes remained almost exclusively on the redhead. They traveled down her black dress, pausing on her attractive, but modest curves it accentuated. Her legs were toned and as smooth as porcelain, and her skin was fair, contrasting the overdone tans that filled the rest of the room.

Small feet filled delicate black heels, and after I reached her toes, I let my gaze travel back up slowly, allowing fantasies in my head to come to the surface.

When I reached her face again, my heart leapt from my chest, because I realized that she had been staring directly at me the whole time.

For an instant, I had an urge to look away again, but I fought the inclination and locked eyes with her instead. She’d seen me study her from head to toe now. There was no use in trying to pretend like I hadn’t. I might as well own it.

I could immediately tell that she wasn’t expecting me to hold her gaze so intently, because this time she gave in quickly and blinked, looking down at her drink. But I didn’t look away. I stood still and waited, because I knew she’d return her attention to me eventually.

And to my amusement, it wasn’t more than a few seconds later that she looked up again.

Pleased by her interest, I let a small smile play on my lips as we watched each other.

Like hunter and prey, I had her in my sight now. And to my pleasure, she seemed to be into it.

She was different – so different than the brand of women that usually attracted my attention – but I was in my element now. Her steady gaze told me she was interested too, and I was given the green light to make my move.

I was again reminded of Drew’s presence next to me as he clasped his hand down onto my shoulder with a thud. “The brunette?” He asked, looking in the same direction.

I blinked and glanced at him for a moment, but when I looked back at the girl, her eyes were no longer locked on me.

“No, the redhead.” I replied quickly.

“Aw darn, I would have liked a little friendly competition.” Drew laughed, and then he stepped away from the bar and towards the girls.

He paused after a few steps and looked over his shoulder at me expectantly. “You coming, or what?”

I hesitated for a moment. I wasn’t sure I really wanted Drew as my wingman, but he _was_ the most easily recognizable of anyone in this club tonight, so maybe he was the right choice. As long as he didn’t swoop in and catch her eye ahead of me.

Realizing that I didn’t have many other options, I took a deep breath and followed him, summoning up every ounce of confidence I could from within myself and turning on the charm that I knew so well how to use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big shout out to my amazing husband who read through this chapter and helped me resolve a few instances where the inside of Aidan's head sounded too much like a woman 🤣🤣🤣
> 
> I'm trying really hard to think like a man...I like the challenge, hahahaha


	3. Chapter Three - Sophie

**_SOPHIE_ **

He was walking towards me.

My palms began to sweat.

_Wait, what had I done? What now?_

My heart thumped so loudly in my chest that I was sure everyone in the room could hear it. Aidan flanked Drew as they moved in our direction, but his body language exuded confidence and authority.

For the last twenty minutes, we’d played a game of cat and mouse, catching glances and exchanging a sort of wordless conversation. He’d quickly looked away the first time we made eye-contact, but after that, his gaze grew more concentrated and intentional.

I’d spotted him mere moments after Mia had seen Drew, and I’d recognized him immediately, with his dark curls a mess atop his head, and the almost-black stubble that framed his jawline. He was sharply dressed in a navy-blue jacket over a casual white t-shirt.

The two of them had been standing together at the bar, drinking and chatting, and once I knew he was there, my brain had turned to complete mush. His good looks had caught me off-guard, and eventually, I’d had trouble tearing my eyes from him.

It was actually quite shocking to realize how quickly I’d become enthralled from all the way across the room. There was a sort of confidence in his posture, and the way his eyes had traveled down to my legs and then slowly back up to my face made me nervous in the best way.

During our little game, I’d somehow summoned the courage to continue to hold his gaze, choosing not to shy away for once. My own assuredness had surprised me, almost as if some other part of me was acting on behalf of my brain.

And now I’d done it, because he was making his move towards me. I felt the blood start to rush from my head and a dizzying nervousness overcome my senses.

I looked down at the drink in my hand. Was I drunk already? I wasn’t used to being so immediately captivated by someone like this.

I felt my hands continue to sweat as he and Drew grew closer to us, but I managed to tap Mia on the shoulder, nodded for her to turn around.

Her eyes met mine with question and then she spun around slowly just as Drew appeared behind her.

Knowing how excited she was, I braced myself to help her get the words out if she fumbled, but now I wasn’t even sure that I would be able to speak either.

“Ladies…” Drew smirked at the two of us, his bright white teeth bared for all to see.

I nodded at him and tried to smile, but I didn’t allow myself to look at Aidan right away. I sensed his presence just to Drew’s left – my right – without seeing him. That was all I could handle for the moment.

Mia paused for just a second, and as her best friend, I could see the panic wash over her face briefly before she covered it up with a flirtatious grin.

“Hi boys.” She smirked.

Drew reached out his hand to her immediately. “I’m Drew, and you are?”

“Such a fan…” She winked at him. “I’m Mia.”

“Oh well, thank you… _Mia_.” He made sure to repeat her name with extra emphasis as he looked down at her with his deep blue eyes.

Drew gestured to Aidan next to him. “You must both know Aidan too, then?”

With extreme reluctance, I shifted my gaze to Aidan, starting at his chest and slowly raising my eyes to meet his.

It was a mistake to have waited so long to have looked at him, because once I did, my mouth became a perfect replication of the Sahara Desert.

He was much taller than I’d expected, and his eyes were the softest brown, infused with flecks of green, staring back into mine. A few dark curls of hair hung over his forehead, and my stomach did a somersault. He looked down at me with a smirk playing across his impossibly perfect lips.

I blinked my eyes, completely lost in him and helpless to find my way out.

Mia responded next to me when I didn’t. “I don’t think so…what’s your last name?”

Aidan broke his gaze from mine for just a second, so that he could reach his hand out to shake Mia’s. “Turner. Aidan Turner.”

Drew spoke up. “You’d probably known him from ‘Being Human.’ It’s a BBC drama.”

Mia looked at me from the corner of her eye and then frowned and shook her head. “Sorry, I’m not up to speed on British television.”

I closed my eyes briefly, praying that no one would ask me if I was familiar with it. When I opened them, Aidan had his eyes on me again.

He extended his hand. “And what’s your name, darlin’?”

His voice was like honey. Sweet, Irish honey.

I swallowed hard and placed my hand in his. “Sophie. It’s gr-ice to meet you.” I managed to get out, combining my adjectives accidentally.

 _Grice_ to meet you? _Oh Lord, I was a mess._

I blinked and cleared my throat. “Ahem, I’m Sophie.”

“It’s _grice_ to meet you too.” Aidan replied with a devious grin.

I blushed. “I mean, it’s _nice_ to meet you…”

He closed his fingers around mine. They were large and warm and rough around my small soft ones. There was an electricity there as our skin touched. It was an electricity that I wanted to shut down immediately.

“So, are you two in the business?” Drew asked.

“She is.” Mia gestured to me.

I rolled my eyes as I slowly pulled my hand from Aidan’s, since he still hadn’t let go. “You can hardly say that.” My skin still tingled even when we no longer touched.

Aidan shoved his hands into his pockets casually, watching me closely. “Really? What do you do?”

I took a deep breath and forced myself to look at him again. “I’m pursuing a career in acting…” My tone was doubtful.

Aidan smirked, and his expression touched his eyes in the most magical way. “You don’t sound too convinced. Would I know you from anything?”

I took a half step backwards, feeling extremely uncomfortable with the sparks that were flying through my stomach at the sight of him.

“No, not unless you were at the Long Beach Independent Film Festival.” My tone was salty.

“She’s brilliant.” Mia interjected.

I shot her a look of death.

“I don’t doubt it.” Aidan responded kindly, as he observed me with interest.

I cleared my throat, desperate to shift the conversation away from myself. “Mia, you saw Drew’s latest film in theaters, right?”

“I did.” She responded quickly. And just like that, it was as if she snapped into gear, jumping at the chance to suddenly become seductive and alluring. She leaned against the cocktail table next to us and traced her finger slowly along the edge. “My favorite scene was that last battle. Did you have to work out a lot to get in shape?” Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked up at Drew.

He smirked back at her, placing his elbow on the table. “I spent a few hours a day at the gym, yeah. Did I do ok?”

I rolled my eyes. How did she do it? She made it look so easy.

“I’ve got no complaints.” She responded confidently, letting her finger inch closer and closer to his arm.

“Thanks for supporting the film.” He grinned, not losing eye contact with her.

“I wouldn’t have missed it.” Her fingers continued to slide towards his shirt sleeve, and I watched in awe as they finally made contact.

He didn’t even flinch. It was like they were doing some dance that I’d never been taught. Did they teach flirting in high school? I must have missed that class.

She was just forward enough to show interest, and he was immediately on board. If I ever tried something like that, I’d probably move my hand with too much force just as he’d lift his elbow, and then I’d lose my balance and go crashing to the floor.

I frowned and looked at the ground, embarrassed by a failure that hadn’t even occurred.

When I looked up again, I watched Drew tear his eyes away from her and towards me. “Are you two from around here?”

I smiled lightly. “Long Beach, yes.”

“A couple of southern California girls.” He glanced at Mia and winked seductively.

_Oh, the humanity._

I took a deep breath, and forced myself to look at Aidan again, only to find out that his eyes were still locked on me.

He was drop dead gorgeous. There was no other way to say it.

_Breathe._

He looked down at the almost empty glass in my hand briefly. “Can I buy you a drink, Sophie?”

The butterflies spiked again when he said my name. It slid so cleanly from his lips. And in the same instant, I froze in place. He was _very_ _forward_. He’d caught me off-guard, asking so early into our conversation. And requesting to buy me a drink was clearly his way of finding out if I was interested in him. I wasn’t sure I was ready to commit to that, though I clearly knew the answer in my own mind.

I hesitated for a moment, looking down at my drink and then back up at him. I desperately wanted to say no. I didn’t like how easily I was becoming enthralled by him. What spell did he have me under? I needed to regain control. I could already tell that Aidan was _exactly_ the kind of overly eager guy I didn’t want to spend the evening with, especially if he was this forward, this quickly. I was sure he was interested in only one thing, just like the rest, and probably barely capable of carrying on an intelligent conversation.

If I were confident enough to think up a clever response, I would have refused his offer, but the seconds ticked by, and I started to see his face fall as my silence was drawn out.

“Um, ok…” My response was not convincing.

His disheartened face brightened slightly, but I could still see brief self-doubt in his eyes.

He took a step backwards and gestured in front of him, allowing me to pass him towards the bar.

“After you.” His practiced smirk had returned.

I took a deep breath and looked at Mia, who now had her hand placed completely atop Drew’s bicep. She smiled at me and bit her lip, widening her eyes and nodding her head towards Aidan encouragingly.

I half-hoped she’d save me from the ordeal, but I knew that, one: she was completely enthralled by Drew and couldn’t wait to be alone with him, and two: she wanted nothing more than to see me accept a drink from a handsome suitor.

I reluctantly stepped forward next to Aidan, and together we walked over to the bar. My feet moved underneath me as if I wasn’t the one controlling them. I’d let men buy me drinks before, but this time was different. Usually I did it to prove a point to myself, knowing that I should at least try, but this time I felt something strong within me. As much as I hated to admit it, I actually _wanted_ him to buy me this drink. Was this the kind of “right guy” feeling Mia had told me about earlier? It was terrifying.

“What would you like?” Aidan asked, leaning against the bar and gazing at me. His hazel eyes looked into mine, and I swallowed nervously, forgetting the names to any of the drinks.

I licked my lips and began to panic, realizing I was at a complete loss for words, but then I looked down at the empty glass in my hand and it finally clicked. “A mojito, please.”

“You got it.” He smiled, signaling for the bartender and placing my order.

I set my empty glass on the bar and then briefly rested my elbow there, before pulling it back down and clasping my hands together anxiously. I didn’t even know how to hold myself in his presence. This was _bad_.

“So, Long Beach, huh?” He smiled at me, clearly much less nervous than I was.

The bartender passed me my mojito and I looked up at Aidan and raised my glass slightly. “Thank you for this.”

He grinned and nodded, lifting his glass to mine. There was a quiet ‘clink’ as we toasted, and then I took a tentative sip. “Yes, Long Beach. Have you ever been?”

“I have not.” He replied, bringing his own drink to his lips. “Do you like it there? Is it somewhere you plan to stay?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ll go wherever my career takes me. But I think LA is the best place to get started.”

Aidan nodded. “What got you into acting? Have you always been interested?”

I realized that I was completely entranced, watching his lips move as he spoke, wondering if they were as soft as they looked. My thoughts drifted to a less innocent topic without my consent.

I took another drink, trying to calm my nerves and remember what he’d asked me. “Let’s see…yes, ever since I can remember. I’ve never wanted to do anything else.” I let my eyes travel to his again. “What about you?”

He chuckled. “Actually, I didn’t have a clue until my late teens. I kind of fell into it.”

“Well, it has seemed to turn out well for you.” I suggested, feeling my nerves calm slightly. This was just normal, casual conversation. I could handle this.

“You know, you’re doing just fine, too.” He encouraged. “If you landed a role for a film featured at a festival, then you’re getting your name out there.” He shifted his weight to his other foot, causing his body to inch just a bit closer to mine. “Besides, you’re probably younger than me anyway. You definitely look it.” He eyed me closely. “How old _are_ you, if you don’t mind me asking?”

I felt the heat begin to build in my cheeks again. “Twenty-two.”

He smirked. “You’ve got _plenty_ of time.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. I wasn’t about to be the only one divulging my age tonight. “And how old are _you_?”

He set his now empty glass on the bar and took another small step towards me. “I’ve got four years on you, darlin’.”

His close proximity was entrancing, and I felt my breathing slow, as if I were afraid the rise and fall of my chest might bring us even closer.

His kind, yet mischievous eyes looked down into mine, and there was a glint there, like he knew exactly the effect he had on me.

“How long are you in town?” I asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

“I fly back to Dublin tomorrow afternoon.” He replied. His eyes darkened at bit as they darted down to my lips briefly, and I became consciously aware that his thoughts were probably not so innocent.

But who was I kidding? _Neither were mine._

I felt a twinge of excitement in my stomach. I couldn’t help but blush at the realization that he was doing this to me; making me feel these things. I took a deep, shaking breath and then took another sip of my drink.

Looking back at my time with Jeff, I remembered thinking he was sweet, and he had one of those gentle smiles that made me grin in return. But the first time we met, I hadn’t been thinking about the way his lips tasted or the way his arms might feel wrapped around me.

Even after three months into our relationship, when I’d finally been comfortable enough to sleep with him, I never remembered being completely enthralled by the idea. He was my first, and since then, all I had to compare him to was the jerkish college jock from the party. The two experiences were so drastically different, yet quite similarly disappointing.

I glanced at Aidan’s long fingers, grasping his glass, and then let my eyes travel up his arm and broad shoulders, and then to his face again. His eyes were drinking me in, faster than he drank his whiskey, and I felt marvelously helpless under his gaze. I wondered what it would be like to experience a night of passion with someone who sent shivers down my spine and desired me just as much as I desired him?

With Aidan standing in front of me now, my perception of reality was fuzzy. I didn’t really care to talk about how he came to be an actor or when he was flying back to Ireland. I just wanted to know how the dark stubble on his jaw would feel across the soft skin of my cheek. I wanted to experience the sensation of his large hands grasping my tiny waist.

_Whew. Calm down Sophie…_

Where was this coming from? He was still a complete stranger to me. I didn’t usually feel this strongly about strangers. It was all purely physical. I couldn’t even control the thoughts in my own head. I knew next to nothing about Aidan, and he honestly seemed like he wasn’t the kind of guy who cared to know much about me either. But something about him drew me in, like, for once, none of that really mattered. And those feelings within myself, shocked me to my core.

“You know…” Aidan spoke suddenly, coaxing me out of my trance. “I couldn’t take my eyes off of you from across the room just then.”

My heart skipped a beat and I took a gulp of my drink, trying to hide the uneasiness on my face. I had no idea how to respond, but at the same time, I liked the sound of what he was saying. I wanted to hear more.

When I lowered the glass from my face, I set it down on the bar and raised an eyebrow at him, trying my hand at seduction. _“Yeah...is that so?”_

He licked his lips and then grinned deviously at me. The corners of his eyes crinkled, and I melted even more.

_Did I do it? Was I sexy?_

I was beginning to realize that the feelings I was experiencing now were the very ones that had always eluded me. Even when I’d let the handsome college jock lead me to his room that night, so many years ago, I hadn’t really _wanted_ to follow him. I’d done it out of curiosity, to prove to myself that I could at least try. But tonight, with Aidan and his gorgeous grin, I felt myself slipping into a decision that might just have me saying yes if he invited me to leave with him. And the difference was, I actually wanted him to.

I wanted him to, but at the very same time, I desperately wanted him to get up and walk away…far away…so that I didn’t have to make a decision I would regret. The last thing I wanted was a repeat performance of the night at the party.

My own thoughts shocked me. _What was happening?_ I needed to slow down.

I was on my way to thinking up something else clever to say when Mia appeared next to me. She looped her arm through mine and looked at Aidan and I.

“You guys wanna come join us on the deck? The stars are amazing.” She pointed towards the open air beyond the doors.

I glanced at Aidan who smiled and shrugged, giving me the opportunity to respond.

“Sure.” I replied lightly. I was somewhat glad to have a welcome distraction from the intoxicating state my mind had been in, as long as Aidan stayed close by.

At my response, Mia immediately tugged on my arm, pulling me with her towards the deck. I grabbed my drink quickly, and then looked back over my shoulder to see Aidan following with a smirk.

Mia leaned into my ear. I could smell the tequila on her breath. “Drew is…yummmm…” She spoke in slow, intoxicated syllables. 

I turned my head towards her and smirked. “Yeah? _Is_ he now?”

She continued to hold onto my arm as we crossed the threshold onto the aged wooden planks of the deck. “I’m going home with him tonight.” She whispered, and then she glanced over her shoulder at Aidan briefly. “And Aidan is…cutttteeeee…”

“Shhhh…” I hissed at her, smirking widely and hoping he hadn’t heard. But then she let go of my arm, and my heel caught in one of the cracks between the floorboards in the most unfortunate way.

My body went falling backwards, stuck in place by my shoe, and I almost lost the glass in my hand. But firm arms caught me from behind, preventing me from crashing completely to the ground.

“Careful there, darlin’.” Aidan’s mouth was close to my ear, and my back was pressed into his chest as he held me steady.

I swallowed nervously and shivered at the feel of his warm breath on my skin, and then scrambled to right myself again. My drink had spilled slightly onto my hand, but I was otherwise unscathed, thanks to him.

I pulled my foot from my stuck shoe as Aidan released me. Though profoundly embarrassed, I instantly missed his touch. His warmth had been a welcome sensation I didn’t know I needed.

As I stepped down onto the floor with my bare foot, I immediately noticed how much taller than me he really was. Without my heels, I was dwarfed by him. He must have been six-foot at least, and more intriguing even now.

He bent down and pulled the heel of my shoe from the crack and then handed it back to me.

“Thanks…” I blushed, slipping it back onto my foot, straightening out my dress, and wishing I were dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Sophie...what have you gotten yourself into? 🤣


	4. Chapter Four - Aidan

  


_**Aidan**_  
  
As light as a feather.

That’s how Sophie felt to me when I’d caught her in my arms. She was so small, probably barely more than 7 stone, and as her small frame fell into me, my mind raced. I couldn’t help but think about how easy it would be to pick her up and hold her to me, or below me, or against a wall…

As she put on her shoe and straightened up to look at me, I blinked my eyes and brought my thoughts back to reality.

I could tell she was embarrassed by her fall. Her cheeks had already burned an adorable, bright pink multiple times tonight. But she was endearing to me. She was so lovely, and also _so_ terrible at flirting, that somehow, she was even more alluring than the rest of the women here tonight. I’d caught on to her inexperience right away when we’d spoken at the bar. It warmed my heart in a unique way that I wasn’t prepared for. She was naive; sweeter than the rest.

But at the same time, there was a sort of fire about her, like maybe she wasn’t as simple as she seemed; maybe she had more confidence than she revealed.

One thing I knew for certain.

I wanted to take her home with me tonight.

Even though it was barely midnight, and the evening had just begun, I already knew I wanted to whisper into her ear and ask her to leave with me.

Not just because I wanted her in bed with me…well, _mostly_ because I wanted her in bed with me…but also because, frighteningly, I actually wanted to spend more time with her than just the few hours at this club. If things went well tonight, maybe I’d change my flight and stay a few extra days.

But only a few days. Nothing more. _Never more_. Not after what had happened with Heather.

I studied Sophie as she shook off her wrist; damp from where her drink had spilled. She was flustered and disoriented, looking at Mia in a mild panic.

I couldn’t quite tell if she was the kind of girl who would accept my offer. Or would she scoff and laugh, and leave me alone and feeling guilty for suggesting such a thing?

I pondered the consequences, and what they would mean for me. But what did I have to lose? I’d never see her again anyway.

“Soph, you ok?” Mia asked unecessarily loudly from beside her, handing her a napkin.

Sophie nodded and then glanced up at me. “Thanks.” Her voice was soft and sweet, and I loved the way she had to look up through her long lashes to see me.

“Maybe no more mojitos for you?” I grinned.

She blushed again. The pink suited her. She probably hated it, but I certainly did not.

“I’ve barely had _two_.” She pleaded, holding up her half-empty glass.

I smirked, amused by her lightweight status. But I noted in the back of my mind that I shouldn’t let her have any more. I definitely didn’t want to take advantage of her tonight. That wasn’t my game.

“That’s _it_ , Sophie?” Drew chimed in. “Just two? Damn, you’re easy…”

I shot him a look of displeasure.

Sophie peered at him with a furrowed brow.

He laughed. “You know what I mean. You’re a cheap date. In the best way. Two drinks and you’re already having a good time.”

I continued to eye him with disappointment.

“I’m not _drunk_.” Sophie appealed.

“Of course you’re not, Sophie.” Mia interjected, trying to save the moment. “This wooden floor is dangerous with heels. I’m surprised I haven’t toppled over yet.”

Sophie still looked embarrassed, and I could tell her confidence had been bruised badly by the event. Though, not as bruised as she would have been if I hadn’t caught her.

“So, what have the two of you been chatting about out here?” I asked Drew and Mia, trying to change the subject for Sophie’s sake.

“Drew’s been telling me all about his next project. It’s a thriller.” Mia replied, stepping closer to him and touching her hand to his waist like she owned him already. “What’s your next project, Aidan?”

“Well,” I took a breath. “Filming for series three of Being Human won’t start until late next year, so I’m looking for a project in the meantime.”

Sophie looked at me, interested. “Any leads yet?”

I smiled. “None yet. But my agent has a few on his desk waiting for me when I get back.”

“Must be nice…” She said, turning her glass around in her hands but not taking a drink.

“What must be nice?” I asked curiously.

“Having an agent with potential jobs piled on his desk. I still practically do all my searching on my own…”

Drew smirked. “Man, I can’t remember the last time I had to search for a job…”

I glared at him again. _You’re not helping, Drew._

I set my jaw, trying not to say something I’d regret.

Mia tugged his arm so that he had to focus his attention on her instead. “So, tell me more about this thriller.”

As they began speaking to each other about a topic that I doubted Sophie would care a bit about, I glanced at her and took a deep breath. It was time to test the waters. I could tell she was into me. It was written all over her face. But she was embarrassed now after her fall. I had to boost her confidence again.

I stepped towards her and rested my drink down on the high table next to us, letting my knuckles graze hers just slightly. “So, what’s a lovelyl girl like you doing here at a party with just a friend? No boyfriend to bring along?”

I watched her hand tense, and she almost flinched her fingers away from mine, but then I felt them relax and press into mine a bit more instead.

A small grin played on her face. “No, it’s just me.”

“I find that hard to believe.” I replied.

She took another drink and then brought her glass back down to the table, intentionally lining her fingers up with mine again. “I’ve been so focused on my career for the last few years. I haven’t had time for anything serious.”

I smirked at her. I liked the sound of that. If she didn’t have time for anything serious, she must then have time for some not-so-serious things.

_Enter: Aidan Turner._

“Who has time for anything serious these days, anyway?” I laughed. “It rarely ends well, and isn’t usually worth the heartbreak.”

She looked at me with a curious expression on her face, like I’d said something profound.

“So, living the LA area, you must venture out on nights like this often?” I continued, trying to gain a feel for her comfort level.

She was looking at the place where our hands touched, as if deep in thought. “No, actually.” She glanced up at me. “Not at all. Tonight is a bit on an anomaly for me.”

I leaned into the table, closing the gap between us a bit more. “So, what do you usually do with your free evenings?”

“Um, well I’m a big movie buff…you know…studying the acting techniques.” She added, smirking at her joke. “And, uh, I don’t know, lately I’ve been up late practicing for auditions a lot.”

I studied her lips as they moved; soft, full, and rosy colored. I longed to know what they would feel like against mine.

“You seem very dedicated.” I suggested, trying to keep things light. “What kind of roles have you played? And what are you hoping to land in the future?” I wanted to dig deeper and see what made her tick.

She blinked up at me and smiled. “So far, just bit parts…nothing profound. But I’d love to be part of a really meaningful production. Maybe something emotional and historic, or a serious drama. Something where I could really embrace and inhabit the character.”

I admired her for her passion. Her eyes lit up when she talked about these dreams, and I could tell that she had the motivation she needed to make it big someday… I hoped for her sake, that she also had the talent to show for it. It would be a shame for so much motivation to go to waste.

She watched me curiously. “You’re lucky to be part of such a fan favorite with…uh...Being Human?” Her voice was hesitant, as if she was afraid she might have gotten the title wrong.

I smirked, flattered that she’d remembered. “It’s kind of been a whirlwind. None of us had any idea it would take off like this.”

I read her expression, and I could tell that Being Human, with its quirkiness, was not the kind of work she was looking for, but she was playing nice anyway. I chuckled softly and raised an eyebrow at her. “But a blood-addicted vampire is probably not the profound kind of role that you seek?”

She smirked as she raised her glass to her lips, never breaking eye-contact. That was enough of a response for me, and I appreciated her honesty. I valued the production for what it was and where it was taking me, but I also happened to agree with her, in a sense.

I watched her watch me for a moment. Her big brown eyes stared back up into mine without waver. She was growing braver, and I could see the interest in her expression. She wasn’t hiding it any longer.

I glanced past her towards the dark sky, spotted with stars. The moon was full and clear and large tonight. “Have you ever seen the moon so bright?”

She blinked and shifted her gaze in the same direction. “Wow, yeah, it’s beautiful.”

I watched her hair, all soft and windswept from the breeze. I wished I could run my fingers through it. “Shall we go over closer?” I gestured towards the edge of the deck, and she obliged, starting to follow me.

When Mia saw us move, she grabbed Sophie’s arm and whispered something in her ear. Sophie whispered something back, nodded, smiled, and then continued with me.

I grinned at their typical female behavior. Everything was always so secretive.

We stood with our elbows on the railing, watching a ship in the far-off distance, sliding evenly across the horizon. My arm was pressed against hers, and I felt her shiver slightly.

“Are you cold?” I asked, leaning into her gently.

Sophie ran her hands up and down her arms, trying to conceal her goosebumps. “Oh, no, I’m ok.”

I smirked, shaking my head and shrugging my jacket off. I stepped behind her and draped it over her tiny shoulders.

“Here.” I said as I gently smoothed the fabric over her arms. It was an excuse to touch her, I admitted to myself, but it was part of the game.

She tensed at my touch at first, and I smiled slightly, realizing that she was very much out of her element here. She was adorable and delicate. I was beginning to feel a very protective urge.

But then she relaxed and pulled jacket tighter around herself. “Thank you.” She said quietly.

I wondered how such a pretty little thing like her didn’t spend more time at places like this. Surely, she’d be snatched up nightly by intrigued suitors. But maybe she wasn’t the kind of girl to go home with a stranger. Would I be able to prove to her that I wasn’t the kind of stranger she should fear?

Or was I _exactly_ the type of stranger a girl like her would fear? I furrowed my brow as I looked out at the water.

Since she hadn’t seemed put-off by my touch, I placed myself next to her again, pressing my arm against hers. To my pleasant surprise, she leaned into me slightly, welcoming my warmth, and so I made the brave move to wrap my arm around her back. It wasn’t a risky action by most women’s standards, but I knew that with Sophie, I could be coming on too strong.

When she didn’t flinch, I rubbed her opposite arm firmly, trying to coax some heat into her tiny frame. “Hopefully you can warm up soon.”

She smiled and leaned into me even more. “I already am a little bit warmer.”

I took a breath, experiencing an unfamiliar sensation of nervousness again as I moved my hand to her upper back and left it there intentionally. I was really beginning get a sense of her innocent nature. If I was going to get this girl to trust me tonight, it wasn’t going to be through pick-up lines and suggestive advances. No, I was going to have to play nice with her.

Be cool. _Be cool._

I looked back out at the water. “So, where do you think that boat is going?” I pointed at the small white speck in the distance.

She giggled. It was music to my ears. “Probably Marina Del Ray…” She raised her eyebrows. “Or Catalina Island maybe?”

“Catalina Island…” I mused. “What’s there?”

She turned her eyes to me. “Oh, it’s gorgeous. Quaint and mountainous. Almost like another country.”

“Yeah?” I leaned in closer. She was adorable when she was excited about something. “And what does one do on _Catalina Island_?”

“There’s lots of shopping, a beautiful beach, places to walk…” She responded.

I grinned. “Perhaps a walk _on_ the beach?”

Her innocent eyes looked playfully into mine, and I saw the confidence building in her expression again. “Do _you_ like long walks on the beach?” She asked.

I bit my lip and smiled. Her shy advances were more than endearing. Slowly, I slid my hand down to the small of her back. “I do. Do you?”

She watched me for a moment, eyes traveling down to my lips and then back up again. “…When the mood strikes.”

We locked eyes for a moment, communicating without words. She was clearly interested, even if she couldn’t show it in a conventional sense.

“And who might join you, on these long beach walks?” I smirked.

She blinked and looked down at her drink with a grin. I waited patiently until she met my gaze again.

“I don’t know…maybe if the right guy came along…” She eyed me mischievously.

I shifted my gaze over the railing, looking down at the crashing waves against the rocks beneath us. “Well, there is no beach down there…” I looked back at her. “But… maybe there’s a guy up here?”

It was a risk, to be so forward like that. But her interest was not a secret to me anymore.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, grinning coyly at me. “He just might be…”

Her answers were so vague; so imprecise. She was either too shy to be honest, or she was using her elusiveness as a tool.

It was working.

Our faces were closer now, as my arm was wrapped around her back, and the moonlight reflected in her big, brown eyes.

I smiled as I admired her. “You know, you have the most beautiful eyes.”

She blushed again, blinking away from me. “Thanks.” Her voice was quiet.

I smirked, not taking my eyes off her. “Does that compliment embarrass you?”

She continued looking down at the railing. “It’s just…I don’t usually…” She took a deep breath as if frustrated by her own thoughts. “It’s not something I’m used to hearing.”

I furrowed my brow. “Well, you _should_ be hearing it often.”

She peered up at me, and her expression held some sort of timid confidence that I didn’t know was possible. “I know why you’ve said it though.” She said quietly.

I tilted my head in confusion. “Because it’s _tru_ e?”

She blinked slowly and smiled. “Because if you buy a girl a drink and tell her she’s pretty, then she just might come home with you.”

I stared at her for a moment, a smirk forming on my face. I’d underestimated her. She was feistier than she’d seemed. I raised my eyebrows playfully. “And is that such a bad thing?”

She continued to smile as she looked back out at the water. “I’m still not sure yet.”

I licked my lips and turned towards the water as well, amused by her responses. “And is there anything that might make you sure?”

I couldn’t help but glance back at her, and I watched the wind blow the loose strands of her auburn hair across her forehead as she contemplated a response. She was tricky; giving me a challenge tonight, and I was all the more interested in her for it.

“How often do you come to places like this?” She asked, avoiding my question and still not looking at me.

I cleared my throat, thinking about my answer. “Well, clearly more often than you…” I looked at her from the corner of my eye to see that she’d peered up to grin at me. “But, not _incredibly_ often. Especially not during filming. I’m usually quite busy.”

She looked down at her hands on the railing. “But when you do, you often entice women by telling them they have beautiful eyes?”

I studied her closely as she gazed down again shyly. Her words were so poised, but her posture was as unsure as ever. She clearly felt like she might just be another one of my female conquests, and I was intrigued that she cared so much. Most women wouldn’t have even given it a second thought. But the interesting truth of the night was that she really wasn’t like the others at all. Not in fact, nor in my eyes.

I was suddenly acutely aware of my hand on her back as she challenged me with these tough questions. I took a breath. “Probably not as often as you might think. But what matters is that I really meant it when I said it to you.”

I gulped nervously after the words left my mouth. I was starting to feel exposed with her, speaking in truth rather than just to gain a positive response. She was making me feel a certain kind of way tonight that I wasn’t prepared for. I knew I would have to fight to regain my confident façade.

She looked up at me again and raised an eyebrow. I knew she probably thought I’d just thrown her a line. She probably thought everything I’d said to her tonight was a line. And usually they were. But tonight they weren’t. The words flowed so cleanly from my lips in her presence.

I could still see the interest in her eyes. They darted around my face, lingering a bit too long on my lips sometimes.

If she really was going to leave with me tonight, I knew it would be different. She’d need some reassurance. She’d need to feel safe. She’d probably even want to talk and cuddle later on. I usually hated that. But with her, I was actually kind of eager for the prospect.

I dropped my hand from her back and turned to face her fully, now almost closer to her than I’d been before. I felt her body turn towards mine too, and I looked down into her eyes. “I really am being truthful, Sophie. You’re quite pretty, and I’m glad to have met you here tonight.”

Her long lashes blinked up and down as she gazed at me. She was so tiny and adorable in my coat that hung loosely over her shoulders. I could feel the warmth from her body, _almost_ pressed against mine.

She bit her lip, like I’d said something she liked, and then she smirked. “I’m kinda glad to have met you too.”

I touched my hand to her arm, which I now wish wasn’t covered by my coat, and I traced up and down gently.

The moon was even brighter now, and the sky was a deep black. I looked to the left and found that Mia and Drew were nowhere in sight.

I looked at Sophie again. “I think your friend has left.”

She turned her head briefly to check too, and then she looked back at me. “I’m not surprised. She could barely keep her hands off Drew.”

I breathed slowly as I watched her expression, waiting to see what she thought of their departure together. Was it something she approved of?

I smirked. “I can guarantee you, he didn’t mind one bit. He had his eyes set on her from the start.”

The corners of Sophie’s mouth turned up as she watched me. “Just like yours were set on me?”

I sucked in a breath, knowing that she was very much on the same page as me now. “Yes, just like that…”

I looked into her eyes, which were solely focused on mine. It was now or never.

I leaned close to her ear. She smelled like flowers and sunshine.

“Do you want to get outta here too?” I whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think she'll say???
> 
> So, I had a friend in the fandom hilariously correct me on a point in the previous chapter. She's met Aidan in person, and apparently his hands are not "rough" like I described them, but actually very, very soft... So, I stand corrected. 🤣🤣🤣 
> 
> Thank you, all of you, for the wonderful feedback so far! I'm really enjoying diving into both of their minds, and building their personalities to balance and conflict each other in a really interesting way. Can't wait to keep posting more!
> 
> Also, 7 stone = 98lbs 😉


	5. Chapter Five - Sophie

  


_**SOPHIE** _

“Do you want to get outta here too?”

I froze.

The confidence that I’d managed to summon thus far seemed to dissolve in an instant as the heat of Aidan’s breath was on my ear, sending tingles down my spine. My heart stopped as soon as the words left his lips, and when he pulled away to look at me, his eyes reflected the warm light from the nightclub behind me. They were gentle and kind, but also laced with passion and confidence.

And then, I nodded.

I didn’t know how, and I didn’t know why. No, _scratch that_. I _did_ know why, but I couldn’t believe how easy it was to say yes to him. I was positive he had me under some spell that I couldn’t escape. His close proximity was intoxicating; way more so than the mere two drinks I’d consumed tonight.

I looked into his eyes, and when he looked back into mine and saw that I’d agreed, a grin grew on his face and his hand slid down my arm, and then he intertwined his fingers with mine.

He pulled me away from the railing and along with him back into the club and through the crowds towards the exit. I felt my heart beating loudly in my ears as his warm hand grasped mine firmly.

There was something satisfying about being guided through the club, weaving in and around the dozens of beautiful women, knowing that Aidan had chosen _me_. No one else had caught his eye the way that I had tonight. I smiled to myself.

In the lobby, I retrieved my coat from the attendant and turned it around in my hands. But as I was about to put it on, I remembered I was still wearing Aidan’s. It was so warm. I didn’t really want to take it off. I looked at him. “Do you want yours back?”

He smiled and winked. “Nah, you can keep it for now. It looks good on you.”

I grinned and let him take my hand again as we walked out onto the sidewalk. He eyed one of the cabs waiting at the curb, and then he turned to me with hesitation. “It’s about 10 minutes to my hotel.”

The way he said it, almost like a disclaimer, made it seem like he was offering me one last chance to back out. But a ten-minute cab ride certainly wasn’t going to be the reason I turned back now.

“Ok.” I replied, trying to smile encouragingly.

He grinned and squeezed my hand reassuringly, and then he opened the door to the cab for me and walked around to the other side and climbed in as well.

Aidan gave the driver the name of his hotel, and then he scooted closer to me and gently placed his hand on my leg.

My heart beat faster as I felt his touch just above my knee. My dress had shifted half-way up my thigh when I’d sat down, and his fingers made contact with the bare skin there.

I swallowed nervously, staring at the place where his warm fingers touched me. And when I looked up at him, he was staring forward, past the front seats and at the road ahead, as if there was nothing alarming about the way his hand was on me.

I studied his profile for a moment. A single curl hung across his forehead, just begging to be touched, and a strong, masculine brow led down to a long, straight nose and a pair of perfectly full lips.

He was the kind of handsome that could make me forget to breathe, and I suddenly realized that I was salivating as I looked at him. I quickly swallowed, blinked, and shifted my gaze back to my lap.

“I should tell Mia where I’m going.” I cleared my throat and pulled out my phone, sending her a text.

I thought about Mia, and that how less than an hour ago, just before Aidan and I had ventured on our own to the railing of the deck, she had whispered in my ear, excited to tell me that she was leaving with Drew. I personally hadn’t been all that impressed by him, but Mia had, and it was probably because of the rose-colored glasses she wore for him, since long before she stepped into the club.

I could tell she’d been a bit tipsy, but not drunk enough to make a bad decision, so I’d let her go, and she’d texted me the name of his hotel, which was on the other side of town from the one where Aidan was taking me. She’d asked if I was comfortable enough to be left alone with Aidan, and she’d made sure I was ok with finding my way back to our hotel on my own… “if Aidan didn’t take me home instead” …was how she’d worded it.

In that moment, I’d scoffed at her statement, barely believing that I’d agree to something like that.

But here I was.

I felt Aidan’s eyes on me in the cab as I put away my phone. I wondered what he expected from me tonight. Was I really what he wanted?

I turned to him and saw the kindness in his expression, just peeking out behind a passionate gaze. Aidan didn’t scare me. Not in a dangerous sense. The only thing that scared me tonight was the way he made me feel.

The silence was deafening. I cleared my throat. “So, how do you like Malibu?”

He smirked and ran his thumb across the skin of my thigh. “Very much.”

I gulped.

“Tell me, Sophie.” His eyes twinkled as if amused. “How are _you_ enjoying Malibu?”

I blinked at him for a few seconds as he drank me in with his eyes. More than anything, I felt an intense urge to be honest with him. He was exactly what I wanted tonight, and he needed to know that.

“I’m actually…enjoying Malibu _a lot_ more than I’d expected.” I purposely bit my lip again, because when I’d done it before, I noticed that it had elicited a sort of positive response from him.

With his eyes on me, he sucked in a short breath and shifted his fingers. They touched the edge of the black lace of my dress, and he leaned into my ear. “This dress…” He whispered. “It’s driving me crazy…”

His lips just barely grazed my ear as he spoke, and more shivers traveled down my spine.

I turned my head towards him slightly. The look in his eyes, coupled with his deep, seductive, Irish accent was continuing to intoxicate me so much more easily than I could have expected. His nose was just inches from mine as I spoke. “Oh? How so?” I grinned.

His deep honey eyes stared back into mine as he licked his lips. But he didn’t say anything. He just smirked back at me.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for his response, but before he had the chance, the driver pulled up to the hotel. Aidan’s hand left my leg and he climbed out of the cab, taking long strides around to my door and helping me out as well. He placed his palm at the small of my back as he guided me through the lobby to the elevator.

When we stepped inside and the doors slid shut behind us, I shifted my small handbag and my coat nervously in my arms as I turned to face him.

Aidan’s hand rested on my waist, as he looked at me. His expression was both gentle and fiery at the same time, and I recognized that he was watching me carefully for signs that I might suddenly back out at any moment.

Was it that obvious that I was out of my element? _Probably._

I blinked up at him, wondering what he thought of me here tonight, going back with him to his room. Was I a conquest? _Did I want to be a conquest?_

“You said you fly back to Dublin tomorrow?” I asked quietly.

He nodded.

“And when will you return?” My voice was even quieter.

He took a breath and then let it out slowly. “I never know where I’m going to be from one month to the next. I have no plans to return any time soon.”

I looked straight ahead at his chest, contemplating the prospect. “The point of this isn’t really to know when you’ll be back, anyway.” I said it like a statement, but in my mind, it was a question.

“No, it’s not.” He agreed quietly.

I lifted my eyes to his again and he was watching me with interest, waiting for my reaction.

One night with him. That was the offer on the table. I knew I should have questioned it, but his expressive eyes told me not to.

The single curl still hung down across his forehead, and I smiled at him, loving the imperfection. Before I had a chance to second guess myself, I reached up slowly and brushed it back with the others. “This one misbehaving curl…”

His lips pulled into a smirk as he watched me. “I’m quite proficient in misbehavior.”

I chuckled. “Oh, _are_ you now?”

His eyes darkened and he stepped towards me so that our bodies were almost touching. “Oh yes, and it’d be a challenge to behave with someone as pretty as you…”

I felt the blush creep into my cheeks as I looked up into his mischievous eyes. And then my gaze found his lips, and I watched his tongue slip between them as he continued to grin.

Usually, I would have shied away from someone like him; so forward and roguish. I couldn’t trust men like him as far as I could throw them. But something about Aidan made me want to ignore all of my preconceived notions and adore that side of him instead.

He was inches from me, but I felt the urge to move even closer. I wanted to feel the heat of his body against mine. I wanted to feel the thump of his heart as if it were in my own chest.

I blinked up at him, and began to shift my weight towards him, but just before I stepped forward, the elevator doors opened to reveal his floor.

Aidan grinned and stepped backwards, gesturing for me to exit first. The devious look on his face told me he knew how much I loathed that door for opening so soon.

He pulled his key card from his pocket and we walked in a silence filled with delicious tension all the way to his room.

When we arrived, he slid his card cleanly through the slot on the door, and then the latch unlocked, and he pushed it open.

As his back was turned to me, I took a deep breath and then stepped over the threshold into the room. His large coat around my shoulders was becoming warm as my heart beat faster. My mind was a mix of emotions. There were two strong sensations flowing through me. I was nervous and still a bit cautious; both because I wasn’t very practiced in a situation like this, and also because Aidan’s presence made me stumble over my words, or forget them altogether. The other sensation was fueled similarly by his presence, except this one seemed to affect the most primal parts of me. There was some sort of pull between the two of us that I couldn’t explain. And deep within me, I knew that the only way we were going to be able to relieve it was by desperately throwing ourselves at one another.

I smirked to myself. Aidan could throw me _wherever_ he wanted.

A few paces into the room, Aidan turned around to face me again. His eyes found mine and he stood unmoving, clearly contemplating his next move. He was watching me closely, like a hunter waiting for the perfect moment to strike. His gaze was dark and concentrated; not dark in a frightening way, but dark in the best way.

My hesitancies were starting to fall away, like shedding a shield of amor I no longer needed. I felt a pining within me. He was too far away. I needed to be closer to him. I couldn’t stand the distance. It was like every inch between us stung my skin with longing.

Without breaking eye contact, I licked my bottom lip and then bit it gently, one more time, as I set my handbag on the desk and placed my coat onto a nearby chair. And just as I let go of it, Aidan had crossed the distance between us and his hands were on my waist, gentle and warm.

He'd startled me slightly, and when I looked up, his chest was less than a foot from mine, and my eyes traveled up to his face, devouring every inch of him as they went.

As soon as my gaze met his, dark and filled with need, I watched his contemplative expression quickly resolve, and without a second of hesitation, his hands gripped tighter, firm and insistent. And then he was pushing me back towards the wall and his lips were crashing down hard onto mine, assertive and resolute. They were even softer than I’d imagined, and they fit perfectly with mine.

After a tense second of shock, I came completely undone under his lust, and I was quickly kissing him back with just as much intensity.

The rough stubble on his chin stung my skin as he claimed me with his mouth. I was trapped between his arms, pinned against the wall, and I felt my heart begin to beat heavily in my chest.

His hands found the edges of his coat which I still wore, and then he was shoving it off my shoulders frantically. And as soon as it dropped to the ground, his grip returned to my waist, and he stepped forward again, finally _fully_ pressing the length of his body into mine, like I’d craved for so long. I all but moaned into his mouth. His strong, firm torso was completely pushed against me, and I could feel the heat of him, mingling with the heat of me.

Chests pressed together, his heart was beating against mine, as if they both belonged in the same body.

His eyes met mine briefly before his hungry lips found my mouth again and ran his hands up and down my sides, tracing my curves.

The room was all heat and sparks and flames, and I barely knew how to react, but I was at the mercy of my instincts, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and sunk deeper into the kiss. His tongue played at the seam of my lips, and I parted them, allowing him in. He tasted faintly of whiskey and citrus. It was a completely intoxicating combination.

My hands found the curls that hung around his neck, grasping them and pulling him closer to me. He moved his lips to the corner of my jaw, and I felt his teeth graze the sensitive skin there. Goosebumps spotted my arms in response to his glorious assault of my senses.

And then his hands were trailing down my neck with painful slowness. I grasped his hair tighter, and his hands responded by finding my rising and falling chest, gripping and caressing, and making me feel like I might spontaneously combust with a need that I’d suppressed for far too long.

And then his fingers were moving feather-light down my sides again and hooking under the edges of my dress, starting to shift it up my legs. His lips traveled up my neck towards my ear again, and I felt the heat of his breath as he spoke.

“This dress has been driving me crazy…because it is still on you…” He whispered slowly, referring to our conversation earlier in the cab.

I breathed deeply, entranced by his words, and wanting nothing more than for this dress to be _off_ me. _Quickly_.

He continued to shift the fabric of my dress further up my legs, and then he paused and spoke again. “You sure you’re ok with this?” His voice was low and gruff; laced with a barely restrained passion as his fingers rested on my upper thigh.

He was motionless for a moment, waiting for my response, and I could still feel his heartbeat against mine, thumping loudly and eagerly. I could barely imagine anything other than the response that came from my lips, breathy and desperate.

“Yes…”

And then his mouth was under my jaw again, leaving a trail of hot kisses and low growls as he pushed the skirt of my dress up all the way around my waist. One hand gripped the bare skin of my hip while his other trailed softly and gently across my waist and down my stomach.

His mouth left my jaw and he caught my gaze again for just a moment. In his eyes, I saw an untamed desire, a longing, and a desperate need for me that I’d never witnessed before; not even in the eyes of the college jock from so many years ago. Aidan really _wanted_ me in this moment. He wasn’t hiding it, he wasn’t suppressing it, and he certainly wasn’t faking it. He was going to have me right here and right now up against the wall of this hotel room in Malibu.

And I was prepared to let him. Because I wanted it too.

His hand traveled lower until it finally found the delicate lace of my underwear, and then his fingers were confident and deliberate, caressing me where I needed his touch the most. My breath hitched in my throat and my eyes drifted shut as his lips found mine, slower this time, but with even more possession, as he touched me so intimately. My breathing grew uneven and my hands found his broad shoulders, grasping at anything to hold onto for the moment…this moment when we were finally succumbing to the incredible tension that had grown within us during the course of the evening.

This _moment_. With him.

Just _this_ _moment_.

Suddenly, as if triggered by the word, my heart stopped in my chest. _This moment_. That’s all this was. Just a moment. Aidan just wanted me in _this moment_. Just like he wanted all the other women in all the other individual moments. There was nothing special here. Just another moment, thrown into a deck of memories with all the other meaningless moments that proceeded it.

I didn’t want this.

_Oh God,_ I couldn’t believe my mind was going to betray me like this… But my feelings had actually, regretfully changed in an instant.

Mentally, I left the room for a moment, my brain went somewhere else, and Aidan was no longer there. My body went numb and my thoughts turned flat.

As painful, and heartbreaking, and earth shatteringly difficult as it was to stop him, I knew I had to. Somewhere deep inside of me, a small voice crushed my dreams, and told me to put an end to his advances.

I wanted to scream at myself; to scream at my conscience for being so cruel to me. But I couldn’t.

I pressed my palms to Aidan’s shoulders firmly. “Wait…I can’t…” I whispered into his lips through labored breaths.

His hand froze as he broke the kiss and looked at me with concern. “Are you ok?” His eyes held confusion, heavily lidded by a desire that still coursed through him.

I continued to press my hands into his shoulders, and I turned my head from him, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. “Yes, I just…I can’t do this. I’m sorry…”

He dropped his hand and yielded to my request, taking a step backwards, breathing heavily, and watching me with apprehension. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head and shifted my dress back down my thighs, stepping around him and avoiding his gaze. “No, no. I just…I don’t…I don’t do things like this. I’m so sorry I led you on…” I sighed and picked up my bag, running my fingers through my misplaced hair nervously. “I should leave.”

Aidan had slowly turned as I stepped around him, continuing to face me with confusion. “Sophie…I’m sorry. I thought you wanted…”

I finally looked up at him with remorse. “No, don’t apologize. Really…that’s the thing. I do…I did…but I can’t. I _shouldn’t_. This is not me.”

The passion and desire was swiftly draining from his expression and quickly being replaced by guilt and puzzlement. “I didn’t realize…” He said quietly, stepping towards me gently.

But I retreated away from him, too afraid that his proximity would still have the same effect on me. “No, and you couldn’t have known. I’ve been leading you on all night. This is my fault. I’m sorry. I should go.” I looked at the door desperately, which was behind him. He would have to move to let me through.

He frowned, studied me for a moment, and then dropped his eyes from mine and stepped to the side so that I could move past him.

I stared at the door from a moment, shocked that I’d let things get this far, only to embarrass both of us like this.

“I really am sorry.” I whispered one last time, and then I walked past him to the door without meeting his eyes.

“At least let me hail you a cab.” He said quietly from behind me as my hand touched the doorknob.

I paused and sighed, staring down at the cool metal under my fingers. “I really don’t need to burden you with anything else tonight. I’ll be fine.”

“I’d like to make sure you get home safely. I feel responsible for at least that.” His voice was calm now. It was no longer labored and breathless. It was low, and saddened, and even.

I gritted my teeth slightly, desperately wanting to be out of his presence, but not wanting to upset him even more.

“Ok.” I whispered, pulling the door open and uncomfortably turning to look at him.

His eyes met mine. They were remorseful and disappointed, and all I could do was look away again and hold the door until he followed me into the hallway.

We walked in silence to the elevator, and then rode it all the way to the lobby without a single word. He shifted in place a few times, like he was about to say something, but he never did. It was an excruciating span of minutes, and I began to hate him for insisting on following me, because it was only making the whole ordeal even worse. Did he think I couldn’t hail a cab on my own? Why was he dragging this uncomfortable situation on?

We stepped out the front doors into the open night air, where there were already two cabs at the curb waiting for new passengers.

I sighed, realizing that I hadn’t needed him to come with me after all. _This was so pointless_.

I didn’t even know what kind of final word I was supposed to give him. How do you say goodbye to someone who just had their hand up your skirt, only to be declined and pushed away?

I was mortified and frustrated with myself, frustrated with him for the life he led, and disgraced by the lies I’d told myself all evening.

But his life was his life. He could live it any way he pleased, and it was finally clear to me that deep down, I wanted no part of it. So, I turned to him one last time as I pulled open the door to one of the cabs.

I pursed my lips and let out the long breath I’d been holding. “I’m really sorry I ruined your night.”

His face was softer now, as if he were beginning to feel sympathy for me. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see it. I didn’t need his pity. I knew I was just a little innocent nobody to him now. I felt small and naïve and lame.

“You didn’t _ruin_ my night, Sophie.” He said gently when I opened my eyes again. “I’m still glad I met you.”

It was a line. Still just a line. All he’d given me earlier tonight at the club were lines. And now that he hadn’t gotten what he’d wanted, he was trying the lines again.

I stared at him for a moment, imagining an evening where I would have actually meant something to him, where I might have been able to believe his words. But tonight was not that night.

I responded with only a stiff nod, and then I dropped my eyes from his disheartened ones and climbed into the cab, closing the door behind me and giving the driver the name of my hotel.

He pulled away from the curb and onto the main road. After Aidan was out of view, I stared out the window, looking past the bright lights of the bustling seaside city, and out at the dark, churning ocean instead.

I felt guilty.

Guilty that I’d let things go as far as they did.

Guilty that I’d denied myself something that I wanted so badly.

Guilty that I’d led Aidan on, only to disappoint him.

Because, in reality, he’d actually been really kind to me the entire evening. I couldn’t fault his behavior. He was used to these kinds of interactions with women. He was used to taking them home, and bedding them, and then never seeing them again. Even though I couldn’t bring myself to participate in his lifestyle, it was selfish of me to test my own comfort, only to reject him at the last minute.

None of tonight was his fault. I owed none of my anger to him.

Yet still, I felt a lamenting within me, realizing that as I’d pushed him away, it was only because I’d really wanted to pull him closer. And that terrified me, because I knew that closeness – real closeness – was not what he craved at all.

Judging from the way he’d made me feel in just the course of a few hours, I was finding out just how easily he could have broken my heart if I would have let him. And I knew myself well enough to stop that train before it went off the tracks.

My heart hurt even now, after just a short evening with him.

When I arrived at my hotel, I paid the cab driver and then took the elevator up to my own room. I ran my hand up and down my face, exhausted from the evening. But when my fingers touched my lips, I paused, remembering the way Aidan’s mouth had felt against mine; a unique and fiery mix of tenderness, urgency, and possession.

I sighed and walked into my empty room. Mia hadn’t returned, and I wasn’t sure she would even be back until the morning. I slipped out of my dress and into a t-shirt, and then climbed into bed and under the covers immediately, wishing I could snap my fingers and fall sleep, but knowing my mind would only take me back to Aidan’s room, over and over again.

When I closed my eyes, I saw his deep caramel ones staring back at me with lust. I felt his firm hands on my bare waist, and his breath on my neck, and at my ear. I could still smell his cologne and still sense the heat of his body against mine. A shiver ran down my spine as I remembered the feel of his fingers as they’d touched me so intimately.

I turned over and buried my head in my pillow, trying to dissolve the images from my mind. I hated that I still wanted him so badly, even though I knew that a decision to stay with him tonight would have only brought me pain. My heart was too meddlesome. It would have figured out how to sneak its way into my feelings for him somehow.

I heard the door unlatch, and shifted my head to see Mia walk in, looking a bit disheveled. Her hair was now flat and tangled, and there wasn’t a trace of lipstick left on her lips.

When she saw me, she stopped in place and set her purse down slowly. “Oh, you’re back?” She asked mildly.

I sighed and shifted myself up to sit, leaning against the headboard. “Yeah.” I peered at her. “I’m surprised to see _you_ back so soon. What happened with Drew?”

She kicked off her shoes and then turned from me to reach into her suitcase. “We had a good time.”

I furrowed my brow. She’d been so excited to meet him, and now, she wasn’t reacting nearly the way I’d expected. “If you had such a good time, then why are you here?”

She stood up with a shirt in her hands, but kept her back to me. “He said he had to get up early to catch a flight. So…I left…” She paused. “You know…afterwards…”

I still watched her skeptically. “Did he _ask_ you to leave?”

She sighed. “Not in so many words…” And then she disappeared into the bathroom to change.

I crossed my legs in front of me and sat forward, waiting patiently for her to return. This wasn’t the first time I’d seen her come home in the middle of the night, but she was usually in better spirits.

When she returned to the room and sat down on her bed, brushing her hair, I spoke up. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with him. I’m sure you would have preferred to.”

She looked up at me, slightly perturbed, and very exhausted. “Not everything is _roses_ and _fairytales_ , Sophie.”

I dropped my eyes to my lap. “No, it sure isn’t.”

She sighed. “But, enough about me. I saw your text. You left with Aidan, I thought? God, he was GORGEOUS, wasn’t he? What happened? I wasn’t expecting you to be back here tonight.”

I shrugged.

“Sophie, what happened?” She scooted forward on her bed. “did he…kick you out too?” She admitted the truth of her own experience through her teeth.

I looked up at her and saw the pain in her eyes, and I knew it was hard for her to be honest about her disappointment with Drew, who she’d placed so high up on a pedestal.

“No.” I said quietly. “I left.”

“What? _Why?”_

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I wanted to stay. Really, I did. But I just couldn’t. I don’t know…this little voice inside me, just…ugh.” I ran my hand down my face again.

“So, wait, walk me through it…you went back with him to his hotel, right?” Mia asked.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“And then what?” She watched me expectantly.

“We…” I paused, a bit embarrassed to share the details. “You know…it got a little hot and heavy.”

Her face lit up. “Ooooh…ok, Soph…baseball terms…how far did it get?”

I couldn’t help but smirk a little at her playful demeanor. It made me feel a little bit better. I cleared my throat. “He got to second base...ish…third…”

“And _that’s_ when you stopped him?” Her mouth dropped open.

I frowned again. “I just… Ugh… It was good.” My mind took me back again to his room, and his lips, and his hands. “ _Really good_ …” I blinked the images away. “But, this one-night thing…I realized that he’d probably done this like…I don’t know, a thousand times before…and I didn’t want to be another one of his conquests. I had to walk away.”

“I doubt he’s done it a _thousand_ times, Soph.” Mia laughed. “And you do realize that ‘really good’ is not a bad thing, right?”

I shook my head. “No, I know, I know. But you know me. I don’t want a one-night stand. As much as you wish I did.” I looked at her pointedly. “I just don’t. I don’t think I ever will. I don’t want a guy sending me home in the middle of the night because he’s bored with me.”

As soon as the words left my lips, I realized that they’d probably hurt Mia, after the night she’d had. “Sorry…I didn’t mean…” I said quietly.

She was frowning, but she waved me off and tried to smile. “Don’t worry about me. We had fun. A little fun was all I really wanted anyway, right?”

I watched the fake smile appear on her face, but it never touched her eyes, which remained disappointed and hurt.

“Did it seem like he wanted to see you again?” I asked her tentatively.

She sighed again. “He has my number, but… I doubt it.”

“I’m sorry.” I frowned.

“Seriously, don’t worry about me.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I’ve done this before. I know about all of the possible outcomes. This was just one of the unfortunate ones. But you, Sophie…how do you know Aidan didn’t want something more?”

I watched her skeptically. “Because no guy ever takes a girl home after only a few hours, wanting something _more_. I know his type. He even told me that he leaves for Dublin tomorrow, and has no plans to return.”

Mia pursed her lips as she looked at me. “Well, what did he say when you decided to leave?”

I pictured Aidan’s disheartened expression again. “He was confused… Sad, maybe? But now that I’m away from him, and thinking clearly, I have no doubt that I made the right decision.”

Mia took a deep breath as she watched me sympathetically. “Alright, well you know yourself better than I do. And maybe you made the right decision for _you_.” She paused. “If Aidan would have really meant something to you, you wouldn’t be in your own hotel room right now.”

I gulped, wishing that her words were the truth, but knowing that a small, curious piece of my heart wanted to be there with him instead. I frowned and slid back down into the bed, pulling the covers to my chin. “Well, at least now I never have to see him again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Sophie...you were so close! 
> 
> What do you think? Did she make the right decision? Where is this going to leave them now?
> 
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	6. Chapter Six - Aidan

  


_**AIDAN** _

I sat down on the smooth white duvet of my untouched hotel bed. There was a harsh silence in the room; a solitude I hadn’t requested.

I was in an unfamiliar sort of mood, and I felt more alone than I usually did when I was by myself. There was an emptiness, and it was a deep contrast to the way I’d felt just moments ago when Sophie had been here with me.

I looked at the bare wall where we’d kissed, remembering the feel of her soft body pressed against mine. She’d made the air feel like it was on fire; bright and hot and poignant.

Now it was stagnant and cold.

I dropped my head to my hands and cursed under my breath.

_What a mess._

I’d tried all night to coax her confidence to grow, hoping she’d open up to me. I’d seen the hesitation in her eyes, and then seen it resolve as she’d made the decision to leave with me.

It was a win in the moment, but now, I was beginning to wonder if I’d pushed her too far.

I hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable, but I _had_ meant to give her the self-assurance to stay with me tonight. There was a sort of unexplainable spark between us, and I knew she could feel it too. I’d desperately wanted her to give in, mostly for my own sake, but also for hers.

Her internal struggle had been obvious to me, but instead of respecting her hesitancies, I’d chalked them up to simple nervousness instead, and I’d taken things too far.

I rubbed my forehead. But she _had_ wanted it, right? Wanted _me?_

_She had_. For a moment, she had.

I let myself fall back onto my pillow, hard, letting out a frustrated breath. Maybe she really _was_ just as innocent as she’d looked?

She was so shy, and so reserved, but when she pulled that cherry-red bottom lip in between her teeth, and stared at me with those big brown eyes, I was done for.

But now, after everything that had happened, I would have hated to push her into something she didn’t want. I barely knew her, but her sweet and nervous demeanor gave me a sense that I needed to protect her.

I squeezed my eyes shut, remembering how forward I’d been, letting my hands run over her body so assertively. I’d scared her away. I wasn’t used to that kind of negative response. I’d never put another woman off with a move like that. But Sophie was different.

And that difference was what made her so intriguing.

I wanted her more, even now.

I desperately wanted to see her again, but I hadn’t even asked for her number. I didn’t even know her last name.

I grimaced and rolled over, burying the side of my face in my pillow, hoping it would swallow me up into its suffocating feathers.

I’d tried so hard tonight, but I’d failed miserably.

Sophie had left so quickly, and with so few words. It was clear in her expression that she never wanted to see me again. Her eyes had barely met mine after she’d pushed me away.

But leading up to that moment, she’d been all hands and lips and sweet breath against me. It hadn’t been an act. It _couldn’t_ have been an act. I saw the desire in her eyes, and I could feel her body respond to my touch; all tense and on fire.

So, what had I done wrong? Something in her brain had switched in an instant, like a radio changing stations.

_But, why?_

I sighed again and tried to push the thoughts of Sophie to the back of my mind. I knew that dwelling would do me no good. But in my attempt to forget her, all I saw was her shy grin and her big, innocent eyes. And all I felt was her heart beating against mine.

***

Early the following morning, I blinked my groggy eyes open, groaning and throwing my arm across my face. I’d tossed and turned all night, replaying last night’s events with Sophie over and over again in my head.

The relentless thoughts of her had barely allowed me to drift out of consciousness, and I’d begun to retrospectively wonder what she would have said if I would have asked to see her again.

Mostly, I assumed she would have denied my request, but a small part of me wondered if she might have agreed. I knew she hadn’t been feigning her interest in me last night. It wasn’t possible to fake the kind of look she had in her eyes.

But even if she would have given me her number, I wasn’t quite sure what I’d have done with it. My heart was still a cold, tangled mess, courtesy of Heather. I wasn’t ready to touch it yet. I wasn’t ready to start working out the knots.

A phone number from Sophie would have simply meant an opportunity to see her again the next time I returned to California. An opportunity to re-light that spark between us, and maybe give her a chance to reconsider her reservations. It wouldn’t mean anything serious, just another play at a night alone with her.

But even if she still denied me then, I began to realize that seeing her again, if even for just a few moments, would be worth it. After all that had gone wrong…just to see her smile again…

I looked around at my hotel room, watching the morning light illuminate the memories from last night. And then my eyes landed on the desk chair across the room, because, still draped over it, was Sophie’s coat.

I blinked and sat straight up in bed, staring in awe at the black leather fabric as if it were a figment of my imagination. How had she forgotten it? How had I missed it?

I rubbed my hand down my face. _Of course_ we’d both missed it. She’d left so quickly, and neither of us were in a state to have remembered such a thing.

I stared at it for a moment, contemplating the situation. Surely, she’d want it back?

I climbed out of bed and picked it up, turning the soft fabric around in my hands and considering my options. My heart was beating faster now. I didn’t have her number. I didn’t know where she was staying. I knew next to nothing about her. But this was her coat.

She needed it back. I needed to get it to her.

_Yes, that was vital_ , I decided.

I sat down in the chair and laid the coat on my lap, picking up my phone and opening my texts to Drew.

_How did things go last night? -A_

He responded quickly.

_No complaints, man, no complaints. -D_

_Did Mia tell you where she and Sophie were staying? -A_

_The Malibu Inn. Why? -D_

_Sophie left her coat here. Thanks. -A_

_Ah, score! ;) But you didn’t get her number? -D_

_Nope. -A_

_Damn. Want Mia’s? I’m sure she could come pick it up. -D_

_No thanks. I’m going to drop it off. Thanks again. Have a safe flight. -A_

_Thanks. Good luck, dude. -D_

I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. This was my chance. She’d have to be thankful I returned it to her. It was the perfect scenario; an opportunity presented on silver platter.

In less than five minutes, I was dressed and in a cab, with Sophie’s coat on my lap and an anxiety in my chest. If I was too late, and she and Mia had already left this morning, then I’d have to accept that I’d missed out. If I made it on time, and got to give it to her myself, would she maybe give me her number? It was a long shot, but it was all I had.

After the short ride, and countless scenarios playing on repeat through my head, I walked into the lobby of The Malibu Inn. It was fairly quiet and empty for a weekend morning, apart from a few guests having breakfast in the small open-air café onsite.

There was a female hotel staff member at the front desk, who looked up from her computer with a friendly smile. “Good morning, Sir. Can I help you?”

I held the coat tightly in my hands and stepped up to the counter with slight hesitation. “Um, yes…I’m dropping off this coat for…uh one of your guests.” I swallowed anxiously. “I apologize, but I don’t have her room number.”

The woman smiled at me and looked at her computer. “No problem, what is her name?”

“Sophie…”

She began typing. “And her last name?”

I gulped. “I, uh… I don’t have her last name.”

She stopped typing and peered up at me curiously.

I tried to smile kindly at her, realizing that the situation I was presenting probably seemed suspicious to her.

She pursed her lips and looked back at her screen closely. “Well, I do have a Sophie who stayed with us last night. She hasn’t checked out yet. I’d be glad to pass the coat along to her when she does.” She smiled and offered her hand to take the coat.

I grasped it more tightly. “Oh, um, I’d like to give it to her myself.”

She watched me for a moment, contemplating my request. I internally cursed myself for not asking for Sophie’s last name before. Without it, I looked like a creep now.

The woman at the desk blinked a few times, and then relaxed her posture. “Well, I cannot give you her room number, but I can call and let her know her you’re waiting for her. Can I give her your name?”

I let out a defeated breath, knowing my next request would further solidify this woman’s skeptical opinion of me. But I was worried Sophie wouldn’t come down if she knew it was me.

“Would you mind just telling her that an item of hers was found, and is waiting here for her?”

“Ok…so, you’d like to leave it here at the desk then?” She watched me curiously as she picked up the phone.

“No.” I gulped again. “I’d like to give it to her personally.”

She raised an eyebrow. “But…you don’t want me to tell her you’re here?”

I looked at her with a chaotic desperation. “I know, it doesn’t make any sense…but yes, if you could, please.”

She watched me for another few seconds, eyebrows pulled together, and then she sighed and began to dial. “I’ll need you to meet her right here by the desk, please.”

I nodded and took a step backwards as she made the call.

“Yes, hello, this is the front desk.” She kept her eyes locked on me while she spoke into the phone. “Is this Ms…” She looked at me quickly and cleared her throat. “Is this Sophie? Yes, we have an item of yours that’s been dropped off here in the lobby.” She paused. “Sure, you can stop down and pick it up. Thanks, see you soon.”

She hung up the phone and nodded to me. “She should be down shortly. Feel free to make yourself comfortable.” She pointed at a small seating area nearby.

“Thank you.” I smiled gratefully and took a seat facing the elevator so that I could watch for Sophie.

I smoothed out the wrinkles in her coat where I’d been gripping it so tightly, and I laid it gently on my lap. I knew it was a bit devious of me to be surprising her like this, but I seriously doubted that she’d choose to face me, if she had the choice. So I had to play the only card I had left in my pocket: surprise.

The first time the elevator doors opened, my heart lurched, and I tensed to stand up. But inside was just a tall businessman who quickly made a b-line towards the front desk to check out.

I relaxed back into my seat as the elevator shut and became silent again. I could hear the dialogue between the businessman and the woman at the desk, discussing some sort of extra charge that had been accrued from his tv usage.

I tried to drown out the conversation, thinking about what I’d say to Sophie. I began to sweat. Had I made the wrong choice to surprise her like this? Should I have given my name, so that she could make her own decision to come down? Was I losing her respect even more by tricking her into this?

But why did it even matter? If all I was looking for was a chance to get her back to my room someday, did I really need her respect?

Her _respect?_ Why was that so important to me?

I shook my head, looking down at her coat in my lap and trying to understand my own thoughts. And at the same time, the elevator bell dinged, and I looked up quickly to see the doors sliding open again.

Standing, small and unexpecting, was Sophie.

She saw me right away, and I stood up quickly from my chair with her coat in my hands. Her chin-length hair fell in soft waves around her face, and she wore a white t-shirt, jeans, and about half as much makeup as last night. But somehow, she was even more gorgeous.

We gazed at each other for a moment. There was shock and hesitation in her eyes, like she might not even exit the elevator, but when the doors began to close again, she stepped forward and caught them with her arm in a flustered state, coming to stand on the marble floor a few meters from me.

I took a breath and smiled warmly, and then I walked a few paces towards her, holding the coat in her direction. “You left your coat…”

Without breaking eye-contact, she took it from me and held it to her chest. “How did you know where I was staying?”

“Mia told Drew. Drew told me… Or, well, _I asked_ him.”

She sighed. “Well, thanks. I appreciate it.”

I nodded, and we stood for a moment, unmoving and silent. I tried to read her expression, but she’d dropped her eyes from me and was looking at the floor, clearly uncomfortable and wishing I hadn’t shown up.

“Look, I feel really guilty…” I began, stepping towards her.

“There is nothing for you to feel guilty about.” Sophie replied quickly, folding her coat in her arms without looking up. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. And like I said last night, I’m sorry. I’d prefer if we could both just forget about it and move on.”

I blinked sadly at her, watching her embarrassed demeanor as she tried to avoid eye-contact. “Can we at least talk about it?”

She finally looked at me with a bit of exhaustion. “What is there to talk about?”

Nearby, the businessman at the front desk continued to argue, more loudly now, about a charge for a movie titled _Forest Hump_.

Sophie shifted in place and I watched her lips turn up in the corners as she tried to hold in a grin, clearly having heard the title too.

I smirked and looked down at my feet, clearing my throat. And then I shifted my gaze to the café, and then back to her. “Please, could we just chat a little?” I gestured towards the outdoor seating. “I’d like to buy you breakfast.”

She set her jaw and stared at me, and I knew she wanted to say no, but I held her gaze kindly, hoping she’d give me a chance.

Her eyes darted around the small lobby, looking for a reason to refuse, but eventually, she let out a small forced breath. “Fine.” She turned towards the café. “But I’m buying my own breakfast.”

I smirked and followed her.

We sat down at a small table overlooking the beach and the bright blue waves. Sophie shuffled with her silverware and napkin, not really looking at me.

“So…” I began. “I know this is terribly awkward.”

She peered up at me warily. “Exactly. I don’t know why we are even doing this.”

I nodded and took a breath. “I know. I just wanted to understand a little more about last night… because if it was something I did…”

Sophie opened her mouth to speak just as the waitress arrived at our table to take our orders. I ordered an omelette, and Sophie ordered an over easy egg with toast.

When the waitress left, Sophie looked up at me. “It was nothing _you_ did.”

I watched her skeptically. “You can be honest with me. It seemed like things changed in an instant, and I feel like I might be to blame.”

Sophie rubbed her fingers across her forehead with frustration. “Ok, please. Stop blaming yourself.”

I closed my mouth and watched her patiently.

She leaned back in her chair and stared at me for a moment. “Look.” She sighed. “Last night was a mistake. You live a different kind of life than I do. And I just…I wasn’t comfortable. I thought maybe I could be. I _tried_ to be. But I don’t go to clubs expecting to leave with guys like you…who I’ve just met.”

I studied her for a moment, trying to understand her rationale. _Guys like me._ Did she think I was some kind of sex addict who slept with hundreds of women I didn’t know?

I pursed my lips. “Well, contrary to what you apparently believe, I don’t take strange women home with me _every_ weekend.”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Well, I don’t go home with strange men _any_ weekends.”

I continued to watch her, wondering how literal her statement was. “ _Never?”_ I asked quietly, barely believing that she could be _that_ innocent.

She blushed and looked down, straightening her fork on the table. “Ok, _once_.”

I sucked in a shallow breath, realizing how unlike me she really was. But I was quiet as I waited to see if she would continue. And after a moment, she did.

“At one of Mia’s college parties. Years ago. It was… He was…a jerk.” She whispered the last part, staring down at her fork.

I finally understood her feelings a bit better.. I could see the pain in her expression and I immediately felt even worse for my actions.

And then she looked up at me and covered her eyes with her hand in embarrassment. “Oh God, why am I telling you this?”

“It’s ok.” I assured her gently. “Thank you for being honest.”

The waitress reappeared with our meals, and Sophie pulled her hand back from her blushing face and tried to ready herself to eat.

I looked down at my omelette, but I suddenly didn’t feel very hungry. The number of questions I had for her were growing exponentially with every passing minute.

“I’m sorry you had such a bad experience with that _tosser_.” I said with distaste. “But I hope you realize that last night…” I paused, making sure I used the right words. “…last night was meant to be just as much about you as it was about me.”

She stared down at her plate, still rubbing her fingers across her forehead. “This is so embarrassing. Why are we talking about this?” She pleaded into her meal.

“Why is it embarrassing?” I asked.

She looked up at me and blinked. “Put yourself in my shoes and then ask yourself that again.”

I pursed my lips. “I can’t put myself in your shoes. I have no idea what was going through your mind last night.”

“Good.” She said quietly.

“But I’m also not mad that you stopped me last night.”

She looked up at me with suspicion.

“I mean, I wish you _wouldn’t_ have.” I corrected myself. “But I’m not angry with you.”

“Well, you should be.” She said quietly. “I can’t believe I let things go that far.”

I studied her for a moment, trying to understand. “You said you were never interested in a one-night kind of thing, like last night would have been…but you said that you _tried_ to be, right?” I cleared my throat. “So, why did you _try_ to be, with me, anyway?”

She’d picked up her fork, but she looked back at me, defeated. “Do I _have_ to answer that question?”

I pressed my lips together, trying not to smile as I realized the effect I’d had on her last night. It was flattering, if nothing else.

“I’m sorry that I was so enticing…” I let a full smirk play on my lips.

Sophie didn’t smile though. She pushed a bit of egg around on her plate in silence.

I swallowed anxiously and took a bite of my own meal. 

She cleared her throat. “So, what were you looking to gain from this chat?” She still wasn’t looking at me.

I took a deep breath. “I had a lot of fun with you last night, Sophie. I didn’t want to end things on such bad terms.”

She sighed and looked me in the eye. “Ok…so…what? You wanted to make sure you were in my good graces in case you show up in town again and I’ve changed my mind and want to go home with you for real?” Her tone was salty.

“Well… I uh…” I was caught off guard by her question, because she’d pretty much hit the nail on the head.

“It’s not going to happen, Aidan.” She replied strictly. “I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who will gladly sign their names on your long list of conquests, but it won’t be me.”

I furrowed my brow. That comment stung a little. “How long do you think my list _is?”_

She blinked her big eyes at me, and I could see an apology in them. But she was still defiant. “Too long for me.”

I didn’t let any sort of emotion play on my face. My list was _not_ that long. But it would probably seem that way to her.

She set her fork down and dug her hand into her pocket, pulling out a ten-dollar bill and placing it on the table. “Look…” She began. “I appreciate that you brought my coat back. Thank you for that. But otherwise, I don’t have much else to say.”

I watched her for a moment, studying her innocent but disapproving eyes. She was so gentle, yet so sure of herself. I should have been content to say goodbye. We clearly weren’t on the same page. But she was somehow only drawing me in even further.

I smiled softly at her, trying to lighten the moment. “You’re kind of fascinating, you know that?”

She raised an eyebrow. “And you’re a flirt.”

I shrugged my shoulders and grinned. “You’re the one who agreed to breakfast with me.”

She started to stand up. “And I’m the one who’s going to leave now.”

“Wait, wait.” I said quickly, not wanting to give up on her yet.

She slowly and tentatively sat back down.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized. “I’ll be serious.”

She sat still in her chair, crossed her arms, and stared at me in silence.

“Why are you angry with _me_?” I asked.

“Because you’re a flirt.”

I dropped my shoulders in defeat. “But you didn’t think that last night, did you?”

She blinked at me without responding.

I inhaled slowly. “Ok, I know you’re not looking for anything…” I paused. “…you know, like what almost happened last night. But, I really enjoyed talking with you then, and even today, right here.” I watched her unsympathetic expression. “Do you think, the next time I’m in town, maybe, we could just do breakfast again? If you give me your number I-”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” She replied, standing up again.

“But Sophie,” I sat forward in my chair and looked up into her innocent eyes. “You _did_ have a good time last night, right? …At the club at least?”

She blinked down at me and gulped, hesitant to respond, and a saw a hint of an agreement there. But then her expression turned defiant again.

She closed her eyes briefly, as if holding in the truth. “Why, Aidan? Why are you pushing this? Am I some sort of challenge? You think you’ll succeed if you finally break me?”

I raised an eyebrow in disgust. “What? God, no, Sophie. Who do you think I am? I’m not trying to _break_ you. It’s your life. You can do with it what you please.”

“Then please, let me do exactly that.” She sighed with exhaustion.

I glared mildly at her. “Fine.”

She wasn’t going to give in. She wasn’t going to be honest. And I wasn’t going to push her any longer.

She stared at me for a moment, waiting to see if I’d say anything else, and when I didn’t, she dropped her tense shoulders.

“Goodbye, Aidan.” She said quietly, and then turned and left the room.

I sat at our table as I watched her walk away and step back onto the elevator. She never looked back.

I looked at out plates. Both remained mostly untouched. I leaned back in my chair and nodded at my omelette without emotion.

_Well, that’s that._

It had been a disaster before it had even started. I wasn’t even sure why I’d tried to fight back. It was clear that we didn’t want the same things. I wasn’t even sure I knew what she was looking for. She wouldn’t give me a chance to figure it out. But I had a strong suspicion that it included feelings, vulnerability, and commitment.

Three pieces of myself that I didn’t even have to give.

Maybe someday they’d resurface, but for now, they were buried so deep that it would take a backhoe to dig them out.

Sophie and I had been riding a train heading to nowhere. She’d been the first to jump ship, but now I stood on the edge too, ready to give up as well.

I pushed my plate away, placed another ten dollars atop Sophie’s, and then walked out of the restaurant, away from the fantasy, and back to my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how do they come back from this? How do two drastically different opinions ever find common ground? It's a long shot, but I'm pretty excited to explore this dynamic!
> 
> I also just want to reemphasize one thing. I feel a bit like a broken record, but I think it is important to say again that the Aidan in this story is meant to be 100% fictional. It's a tricky situation to write the innermost thoughts of someone I don't actually know at all. He's probably nothing like I've portrayed him. All I'm doing is using bits and pieces of his personality that I CAN see, and filling in the rest to create a completely unique, fictional character. 
> 
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	7. Chapter Seven - Sophie

  


**_SOPHIE_ **

_\- 3 Months Later -_

“Soph! Have you seen my keys?” Mia shouted to me from the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and laughed, calling back from my bedroom. “On top of the fridge where you put them, Mia!”

She was getting ready to leave for a promising job interview at a local newspaper. Having majored in journalism, and always on top of the newest Hollywood gossip, she’d been continually on the search for some sort of position with a celebrity tabloid. But when she found no success in that avenue, she’d settled for an interview at the Long Beach Post.

She was a talented writer, and I didn’t doubt that someday she’d land her dream job reporting all the juicy Hollywood news, but for now, she had to start somewhere.

Neither of us were making much money, and so we rented the tiniest, cheapest two-bedroom apartment we could find. The paint was cracking on the walls, and the few small windows faced directly into the brick wall of the building beside ours. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was a place to live and a place to sleep.

Mia worked retail at a small clothing store downtown, and I was a barista at Starbucks. Every day, I poured coffee after coffee, dreaming of a day when I could finally turn in my apron and hat for a costume and a script.

The weeks were flying by in a blur; filled with hours of preparing for auditions, attending acting classes, and selling lattes to tired-looking people. I wasn’t terribly happy, but I wasn’t miserable either.

I walked into the kitchen and found Mia pulling her coat around her shoulders, holding her keys.

“Good luck.” I smiled at her. “You’ll blow them away.”

She smirked and rolled her eyes. “At this point, I just want to write, and I’ll be happy.”

I pulled a box of cereal from the cupboard. “I have a feeling about this one.”

She picked up her purse and made her way to the door. “Well, keep the good thoughts coming. I’ll need them. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“See ya.” I smiled as she left.

Pouring the cereal and a bit of milk into a bowl, I sat down on the sofa and pulled the book I’d been reading onto my lap. It was a large, black, hardcover book; much thicker than average. I’d spent the last three days devouring it, reading at least a hundred pages in each sitting. And like any really good book, I couldn’t put it down. But this one was even more special to me, because this was this book that had inspired a screenplay for which I’d auditioned a week ago.

Vividly, I remembered my agent slapping the script down on her desk in front of us, exclaiming that she’d never seen a role better fit for me. I’d taken that script home, sat down at our kitchen table, and began to read. The synopsis drew me in before I even made it to the first line of dialogue.

_The golden skies, the translucent twilight, the white nights, all hold the promise of youth, of love, of eternal renewal. The war has not yet touched this city of fallen grandeur, or the lives of two sisters, Tatiana and Dasha Metanova, who share a single room in a cramped apartment with their brother and parents. Their world is turned upside down when Hitler's armies attack Russia and begin their unstoppable blitz to Leningrad._

_  
Yet there is light in the darkness. Tatiana meets Alexander, a brave young officer in the Red Army. Strong and self-confident, yet guarding a mysterious and troubled past, he is drawn to Tatiana—and she to him. Starvation, desperation, and fear soon grip their city during the terrible winter of the merciless German siege. Tatiana and Alexander's impossible love threatens to tear the Metanova family apart and expose the dangerous secret Alexander so carefully protects—a secret as devastating as the war itself—as the lovers are swept up in the brutal tides that will change the world and their lives forever._

I’d read the entire script in one sitting, with my eyes glued to the paper in anticipation for each and every word.

It was a tale of war, a tale of struggle, a tale of determination, a tale of love. It was a story of Tatiana and Alexander, printed in ink, and sandwiched between a cover that read _The Bronze Horseman_.

Tatian was 17, and sheltered by her tight-knit family. Alexander was 22, and an experienced officer in the Red Army. Her shy and naïve demeanor contrasted his opposite one so cleverly, so seamlessly, and so beautifully.

The story hooked me in so quickly. I wanted to bring it to life. I wanted to bring _her_ to life.

Tatiana. Sweet, little, innocent, determined Tatiana.

My first audition was a monologue of my choice in front of the assistant to the casting director. It went about as perfectly as I could have hoped. And less than a week later, I was called back to meet with the casting director herself. After that second audition, which was another monologue, I practically floated out to my car, full of hope, and I drove straight to the bookstore and purchased the novel, because I needed to dive in deeper. I needed to feel completely in-tune with Tatiana’s character, because I _wanted_ that that third call-back. And as I read the author’s words, with my nose between the pages, I felt my heart lurch and my pulse race as the beautiful story unfolded before me.

It was, first and foremost, a love story. But it was backed by a tale of survival, and struggle, and loss, in the middle of World War II in communist Russia; Leningrad in the Soviet Union.

The film was set to be directed by the highly praised George McAllister, and brought to the big screen by New Line Cinema. The budget was large; way off the map compared to anything I’d ever been part of, and the requirements for the leads were far more difficult.

If I were to play the role of Tatiana, I’d have to dye my hair blonde, learn a version of a Russian accent, and temporarily live in St. Petersburg, Russia to shoot most of the exterior scenes there. Plus, under the supervision of a dietician, I’d have to lose weight from my already tiny frame for the portions of the film when her character struggled with starvation due to the war.

There would be a few physically demanding scenes, and a handful of intimate ones. There would be no nudity, but the casting director had informed me that there would be multiple ‘cinematically beautiful love scenes’ depicting Tatiana and Alexander’s intimate journey. Due to the nature of the love scenes, as well as some languege in others, the film would toe the line between a PG-13 and an R rating.

If I were to play the role of Tatiana, the battles that she would face with herself, with her family, and with Alexander would test the limits of my acting abilities, giving me the chance to shine, or the chance to completely fail.

A second audition had meant that they’d seen something promising in me. But I’d gotten second auditions before. Second auditions meant so little. Third auditions meant promise.

I’d continued to read, imagining the story and how it would look on the big screen. How Tatiana would look. How _I_ would look.

It was a welcome distraction from the pitiful state my mind had been in for so many weeks. I’d been trying hard not to think about Aidan ever since that mortifying weekend, but I was mostly unsuccessful. For some reason, I couldn’t stop seeing his eyes, his lips, and the pained expression on his face as I’d left him alone in the café that morning. But I did _not_ want to see his face. I did _not_ want to be there. And I did _not_ want to admit to him the way he’d made me feel. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d affected me so strongly.

I’d been so embarrassed that morning, and he’d responded with cheeky comments and uncomfortable questions. It was like our steamy encounter was just another Saturday night for him.

And that’s what bothered me the most. Because I’d put myself in a vulnerable spot. I’d allowed myself to believe that I could find something fulfilling in a one-night encounter. But as much as I wanted it, now I knew that elusive feeling wasn’t attainable. Not in the way I desired it to be, at least.

Since then, I’d tried to erase the entire evening and forget him completely. Maybe that would have been possible if he hadn’t shown up with my coat the next morning. At first, I’d been content to believe that he didn’t care about me. I wanted to believe that I was absent from his mind as soon as I left his room, but when he sat across from me at that breakfast table, watching me with such curiosity, I knew it wasn’t the case.

And because his truth was the very last thing I wanted to hear, and also the _only_ thing I wanted to hear, I’d thrown my walls up, attacking him instead for his life choices, and using our differences as an excuse to be cold with him. It was harsh, and it was callous, but it was all I could do to keep my emotions in check, and to protect myself.

Because I knew, deep down, that even if he _did_ care, it was only about getting me into bed with him. His flustered response was obvious when I’d questioned him about exactly that.

And so I’d walked away. No phone number. No details. Self-protection was my only defense. And I wasn’t about to leave myself exposed again.

Finally, for the last few days, with the distractions of my auditions, he’d barely crossed my mind, and it gave me hope. It was hope that an end was in sight; an end that signified a beginning where I could move on from what had been just a trivial encounter.

I settled deeper into the sofa with my book and took a spoonful of cereal. While I allowed myself to read, I could dive deep into the story and forget about Aidan. There in the pages, I was Tatiana with my Alexander, living out a tale so refreshingly different from my reality.

My phone buzzed in the kitchen, and I regretfully put the book down and stood up to retrieve it. I had less than twenty pages left, and I was dying to know how it would end. But when my gaze met the caller ID, which displayed my agent’s name, I accepted the call immediately.

“Hi, Laura?” I held my breath as I waited for her to respond.

Her voice was joyful as she did. “So, do you have any plans for next Tuesday? Because if so, you’re gonna want to cancel them.”

I gripped the phone tightly in my hand, trying not to let a premature smile form on my face. “Because…?”

“Because you have another callback.”

I sucked in a breath of air. “You’re kidding…seriously?”

“One hundred percent serious. Sophie, they really liked you.”

I sank down onto one of the kitchen chairs as my heart thumped away in my chest. “Oh my God…” 

“I told you it was the perfect role.”

I blinked in astonishment. “Oh my…so I’ve never gotten this far before…do they want another short monologue? Or…what should I prepare?”

Laura was silent for a moment on the other end. “No, that’s the thing… They want to run a few scenes with you, from the script.”

“Really?” My eyes widened. “The _script?”_

“They want you to plan for the possibility of a full hour.” She paused. “Now, don’t take my word for it, but I think… _I think_ they have narrowed it down to you and just one or two other possible Tatianas.”

“Holy crap.” I stared at the empty table in front of me, barely believing I’d made it this far, and so quickly. “So, this is…this is it?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they had their Tatiana after next week.” I could almost hear her smiling through the phone. “So, I’m going to email you the details and the specific scenes they’ve asked you to prepare. Have you finished the book yet?”

“I was literally finishing it as you called.” I said through labored, anxious breaths.

“This role is really perfect for you, Sophie. I’m really proud of you.”

“Don’t be proud just yet.” I laughed.

“You’re going to blow them away.” She said.

I smiled.

***

On Tuesday morning, I drove my 15-year-old Toyota Camry to the studio, knuckles white on the steering wheel.

My script was tucked neatly into a folder on the passenger’s seat, and I’d pulled my hair up loosely and applied just a touch of makeup, trying to stay true to the innocent, naive look required for Tatiana.

My heart was beating much too fast already, and I hoped I’d be able to control my nerves once I got into the room. But even though this specific audition was bigger and more important than the rest, I knew I would feel that surge of energy when all eyes were on me, and I’d slip into the character, _becoming_ her, in a way that always seemed to come natural to me.

As I parked and walked towards the front doors, I had to stop for a moment, letting the bright California sun hit my face and the gentle breeze blow through my restrained hair.

I took a deep breath.

This was it. This was my opportunity. _The_ opportunity.

Something felt different about this one. I wanted it more than I’d wanted any of the others.

I held my shoulders back, forced a confident expression onto my face, and walked through the doors without any more hesitation.

The receptionist smiled at me when I entered. “Good morning. Name please?”

“Sophie Lewis.” I smiled back.

She looked at a computer screen and nodded. “Perfect, they’ve told me to send you in as soon as you arrived.” She pointed towards a small hallway. “Second door on the left.”

I looked up at the clock on the wall. I’d arrived ten minutes early hoping for a chance to run the lines in my head one last time. I gulped. Things were moving quickly. But if they were ready for me now, I guessed I had to be ready for them too.

I held my folder tightly in my arms, thanked the receptionist, and then made my way down the hallway.

I’d never gotten this far in the audition process for such a large film, and part of me didn’t know what to expect. My fingers felt a bit numb with apprehension and my breaths became increasingly shallow.

When I reached the second door, I stopped and knocked lightly, listening for sounds from inside.

A kind woman’s voice responded, telling me to come in.

I turned the handle and pushed it open slowly, feeling the familiar rush of adrenaline fill me with an energy that would see me through this.

The woman who had responded came into view first. “Ah Sophie, wonderful to see you again.”

She was the casting director I’d met on my second audition. I smiled at her familiar face. Next to her sat three other individuals. I gazed down the line and recognized the author, Paullina Simons. A jolt of excitement coursed through my stomach as I realized that she was part of the decision. She’d created Tatiana, and she would help choose who would portray her.

And then my eyes landed on George McAllister. _The director. This was serious._

The last was a younger man, fiddling with a camera at the center of the table.

I shook everyone’s hand politely, and when I reached George, I watched his eyes study me closely, assessing me so intensely already. And it was then I knew I wasn’t the only option. There was another, or maybe multiple other actresses, vying for the same role, also trying to wow the same team in front of me.

“Good to meet you, Ms. Lewis.” George said.

I nodded and smiled, stepping back from the table. “It is wonderful to meet you too. Thank you for seeing me again. I’m very excited about the opportunity.”

He nodded.

At the center of the table, the video camera was set up on a tripod, ready to capture a screentest. Auditioning on film was always a bit nerve-wracking, knowing that they could re-watch me over and over, studying each and every part of my performance.

“We’re very excited about you too, Sophie. I assume you were provided the scenes we’ll be running today?” The casting director said.

“Yes, I was, thank you.” I smiled, aware that everyone’s eyes were on me.

“Perfect. Well, we had already established at your first audition that you understand extent of the role, the requirements, and the expectations for the four-month shoot. Do you have any questions, before we begin?”

Everyone’s face was turned to me, assessing me already.

I nodded. “You’ve been very informative and transparent about the role. Thank you for that. So, no questions at this point.” I replied confidently.

George smiled.

“Excellent.” The casting director looked down at some paperwork in front of her. “So, we will have you read the two scenes you were provided, in chronological order, starting with the walk near the Summer Garden.”

“Great.” I smiled, already running the lines in my head.

The assistant who was operating the camera came around to situate two chairs next to each other, and I was glad to see the prop, remembering that the scene began on a bench.

I looked at the others behind the table and wondered who would read Alexander’s lines. My first two auditions had been monologues, but in multi-character scenes, during auditions, often, the casting director or assistant would read the opposing character’s lines. It wasn’t the most natural way to go about it, but it served its purpose.

The casting director smiled at me and clasped her hands together. “So, we actually have some exciting news. Just last week, we found our Alexander.”

A smile spread across my face and my heart lurched slightly as I realized how close they actually were to having their full cast. I looked at the author and saw that she was beaming at me.

“So,” The casting director continued. “We’ve kept him in town to read with his potential Tatianas. We’d like this audition to ultimately serve as a chemistry read.”

I grinned wider.

I couldn’t wait. It was so much easier to audition with another actor, to feed off their queues and their facial expressions. And this way, I’d feel even closer to Tatiana’s character, knowing I was looking at her Alexander. Up until now, I’d only run lines with Mia, and she was far from an Alexander.

“Oh, that’s so great.” I replied eagerly.

“Perfect.” She turned to the camera operator. “Joe, will you go tell him he can come in now?”

Joe nodded and exited the room quickly.

“You’ll like him.” The casting director smiled at me. “He’ll be a charming Alexander. We’re sure of it.”

I blinked cheerfully as I continued to run through my lines in my head, hoping I wouldn’t stumble over them now that I’d come this far.

“He really is the perfect Alexander.” Paullina smiled at me. “And I think we all know Alexander has to be perfect. Have you read the novel?”

I grinned and nodded. “Oh yes, I couldn’t put it down. I think we all want an Alexander.”

The author and the casting director chuckled in agreement.

Just then, the door re-opened and Joe strode in with another man at his heels.

And that’s when I froze.

_No…it can’t be…no, no, no, no…_

A few steps into the room, Aidan stopped in his tracks as his eyes met mine.

I blinked at him. He blinked back at me. There was a wordless exchange of shock and disbelief hanging in the space between us.

“Sophie,” The casting director spoke. “This is Aidan Turner, our Alexander. Aidan, this is Sophie Lewis.”

I tried to swallow, but the inside my mouth had become sticky and dry. I couldn’t believe he was standing in front of me. My thoughts were static, mixed up and jumbled in confusion.

And he was _Alexander._

He was Tatiana’s Alexander. He would by _my_ Alexander, if I landed this role of a lifetime that I’d wanted more than anything.

This role I’d never dreamed of, and the man I’d _never_ wanted to see again, juxta positioned together in an unfathomable opportunity laid out before me. My mind immediately drifted to the love scenes that were spelled out in the script. They weren’t just simple exchanges. They were real, profound moments of intimacy, with the heat of two souls falling in love.

I set my jaw as I continued to stare at him. It felt like many minutes passed before Aidan moved first, stepping forward and extending his hand slowly. “Sophie…” he said quietly, trying to hide his expression of disbelief.

I was out of breath, and I wasn’t even moving. I placed my hand gently in his, and it was just as warm and firm as it had been three months ago. Except this time, his hand grasped mine in a professional manner, contrasting the way it had moved across the curves of my body in his hotel room.

“Aidan…” I replied, not capable of tearing my eyes from him.

“Have you met?” George asked from nearby. But I wasn’t even sure where his voice had come from. He was somewhere in the room, which had suddenly become a cloud, floating high above the Earth in some alternate reality where something like this could actually happen.

“We have.” Aidan replied coolly.

“Oh, well that’s an interesting twist.” The casting director sat forward in her chair.

“Just the once.” Aidan added, pulling his hand gently from mine and turning to face the table.

I took two deep breaths, trying to calm my heartrate and accept my unexpected reality. I wanted to disappear. I needed a minute to process. But I turned to the table as well, trying to keep my expression composed. On the inside I wanted to yell. I wanted to yell at the universe for putting me here, faced with this choice.

Aidan and I were now shoulder to shoulder, facing the others. One of them leaned into the director’s ear and whispered something, smiling.

“Ok, Aidan, we’re starting with the Summer Garden. And for both of you, just a little refresher about where we are in the story. Alexander has been walking with Tatiana, who we sometimes refer to as Tania, home from work. If you remember, she’s still very innocent and shy at this point, and they both feel a bit of a reluctance with each other. The war has barely started. They’ve taken a moment to sit down on a bench near the Summer Garden in Leningrad.”

Aidan and I both nodded and sat down on the ‘bench’ together. He casually draped his arm around the back of the chair I sat on, just like the confident Alexander would do.

Just like the confident Aidan would do.

I chewed on my lip and felt myself start to sweat. I was in such a flustered state at this point that I hardly believed I could continue. I wanted to be here, very badly. But at the same time, I wanted to be anywhere else, far away from Aidan.

“Whenever you’re ready.” The casting director smiled at me, but I could barely see her. The room seemed so bright now. I couldn’t focus.

Joe set the camera to record.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a few seconds. _You want this more than anything, Sophie. You have to do this, for you._

And then I put myself in Tatiana’s shoes, a place I’d become familiar with for the last few weeks. At least she felt like home.

Putting all of my effort into pretending I was her, I began the scene. “I’d better be heading home. It’s getting late.” I felt Aidan’s warm presence beside me, and I chose to use my hesitancy as motivation for her character. I started to stand up.

“Oh…all right.” Aidan replied, falling into his character too, and standing up next to me. “It’s such a nice evening, though.”

“Yes, it is.” I looked at my feet nervously. “Alexander, your _America_ , do you miss it?”

“Yes, sometimes.” His voice was gentle. He seemed so much less uncomfortable than I.

It was odd, reciting lines with him. Lines that we both knew, even though we’d never practiced them together. There was a sort of connection there, between us, held together by our characters.

“Would you ever go back if you could?” I asked, finally peering up at him.

“I suppose.” He replied. His eyes were the same ones that I’d seen in my mind, day after day. But this time, they were real and tangible in front of me. I gulped, having trouble staying in character.

He continued, shrugging. “But how would I get there? Who would let me? What claim do I have on my American name?”

I had such an urge to reach out and touch him. His real chest. His real hands. His real face. But Tatiana did not touch him in the script. So I kept my hands to myself. “Tell me something about America. Did you ever see the ocean?”

“Yes, the Atlantic, and it’s quite something.”

“Is it salty?” I smiled a little.

“Yes, and cold and immense, and it’s got jellyfish and white sailboats.” His eyes beamed back at me.

“I saw a jellyfish once. What color is the Atlantic?”

“It’s a sort of blue-green, and it sparkles as it moves.”

“Sparkles like the stars?” I added a bit more innocence to my voice.

His gaze met mine again with a new intensity. “Sparkles a little bit like the way your eyes do.”

I dropped my eyes to the ground, suddenly feeling the weight of his stare.

Aidan gestured ahead of us. “Shall we walk back through the Summer Garden?”

I looked around with hesitation. “Maybe we shouldn’t. Is there a quicker way?”

“No.”

I ran my hands up and down my arms. I’d planned to feign nervousness at this point. But I had no idea I’d have an overabundance of it already. “The park looks different at night.”

“You’ve never been here at night?” Aidan took a step towards me.

“No. But I’ve been out at night in other places. Once I-”

Aidan leaned into me and interrupted. I could almost feel his breath on me, just like before. “Tania, you want to know something?”

“What?” I leaned away, looking up into his eyes, which had become mischievous, just as they’d been on the elevator in Malibu. The resemblance was startling.

“The less you’ve been out at night, the better I like it.” His eyes peered deeply into mine.

We watched each other for a moment, and I knew his thoughts were focused on our _reality_ , instead of the story’s. I was embarrassed again. I dropped my gaze to our feet and took a deep breath. It wasn’t an act. It was a natural response.

“This is the best time, Tatiana. Do you want to know why?” He said from in front of me.

“Please don’t tell me.” I replied quietly, still not looking at him.

“There will never be a time like this again. Never this simple, this uncomplicated.”

“You call this uncomplicated?” I turned my eyes to his chest, unable to meet his face.

“Of course. We’re just friends, walking through Leningrad in the lucent dusk.” His voice was soft and reassuring.

I finally met his eyes. We were still for a moment. The room was silent.

“I’ve got duty at ten. Otherwise I’d walk you home-” He broke the quiet.

“No, no. I’m going to be fine. Don’t worry. Thank you for dinner.” I took a step backwards.

Aidan cleared his throat. “So tell me, what do they call you when they want to call you something other than Tania or Tatiana?”

“Who’s they?” I looked at him cautiously.

He said nothing.

I took another step back, tentatively. “Sometimes, they call me Tatia.”

He smiled. It was a warm, encouraging smile. “You are very beautiful, Tatia.”

“Stop.” I replied quickly in a barely audible voice. And I started to turn away, because Tatiana didn’t want to hear it, and neither did I.

But his voice filled the room behind me. “If you wanted to, you could call me Shura.”

I looked over my shoulder at him. “Who calls you Shura?”

“Nobody.” He replied with a salute, finishing the scene.

And then we simply stared at each other. His hazel eyes and his dark hair, his gentle expression and his tall stature dwarfing mine; he really _was_ Alexander. The physical resemblance was uncanny, and so was his personality. As much as I hated to admit it, they’d actually cast him perfectly.  
  
Could they possibly cast me perfectly too? Did I want them to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first of all, tell me in the comments if you've read The Bronze Horseman! It is one of my top 5 favorite books. I'm currently reading it for the fourth time. It is so sweet, and so steamy, and so emotional. And Alexander is 🔥🔥🔥
> 
> And if you haven't read it, I strongly recommend it! You won't necessarily need to know the story to follow this fan fic, but I truly adore the book, and Aidan and Sophie's characters are loosely based off of Alexander and Tatiana. I also use the strong emotions and character/relationship development as inspiration for my writing. Basically, if you like what I write, I think you would love this novel. Plus, it's part of a trilogy!
> 
> [Find it on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Bronze-Horseman-Trilogy-Book-ebook/dp/B000FC10Y8#ace-g9314988104)  
> [Find it on Goodreads](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41014505-the-bronze-horseman)  
> 
> 
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	8. Chapter Eight - Aidan

  


_**AIDAN** _

“That was excellent. Really, really excellent.” The casting director spoke eagerly from beside us.

Sophie and I were locked in a gaze that neither of us could break. I barely believed she was standing there in front of me, so small and unexpecting. She’d plagued my mind for the last three months, and when I’d arrived back in LA a few weeks ago for my series of auditions for the role of Alexander, it had taken every ounce of my strength not to contact her.

But I’d resolved not to try, because I knew it wouldn’t have mattered. She’d made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me, and I knew I wouldn’t gain anything from continuing to pursue the issue. I was starting to realize that I didn’t want anything to do with her either.

The role of Alexander fell onto my agent’s desk a few weeks after I’d returned to Dublin, and I was instantly interested. _The Bronze Horseman_ was a historical drama, told with deep emotion and an even deeper conflict. I knew it had a huge potential onscreen. It was an amazing opportunity and would certainly be a boost to my career. I was already envisioning the beautiful cinematography, the challenging scenes, and the rich depth of Alexander’s character.

The story, told from both his perspective and from Tatiana’s, was a shared journey. Alexander was soldier in the Red Army. He was confident yet guarded, and passionate yet hesitant. He had a depth to him, and a backstory that would fun to explore. Plus, I already felt like I could relate to him on multiple levels. It seemed like the perfect fit. And I was also intrigued by the setting, from a historical perspective; communist Russia during the start of the second world war.

I could see Tatiana in my head too; small, innocent, and soft, yet fiercely determined. I’d done a chemistry read with two other actresses yesterday, and this morning I’d been brought back in to read with the final option. The other two women had been fine choices, and I would have enjoyed working with either of them. But never in a million years had I expected to walk into the room today and see Sophie standing in front of me.

It was an instant shock at first. I’d already accepted the fact that I’d never see her again, yet here she was. In her presence, I worried that I’d struggle to remember my lines, but fortunately, as we began to act, they came back quickly. As she spoke in front of me, so quiet and nervous, it all made sense. She was the perfect Tatiana. And my opinion wasn’t even a biased one. She embodied the role so well already, just by being herself. The panel in front of us didn’t know that. But I did.

Sophie broke her gaze first, turning back to the casting director and smiling politely.

“Great job, Sophie.” The casting director smiled, shuffling the papers in front of her. “Ok, let’s move right along to the next scene. At this point, we’re much further into the story. After many months apart, Alexander had assumed Tatiana dead, but has found her living in a small village called Lazarevo. There is a lot of tension between them as they navigate some misunderstandings. In this scene, they are investigating a boarded-up cottage.” She pointed at the wall behind us. “Aidan, let’s call that the cottage.”

I nodded and looked at Sophie, who had her hands clasped nervously in front of her. When I’d first entered the room, I felt a sense of frustration towards her, after the way she’d dismissed me so quickly at her hotel. But my irritation only held so much strength now that I saw how uncomfortable she was. She looked like she still hadn’t recovered from her initial shock in seeing me. I feared she might struggle to get into character, so I walked slowly to the wall, giving her a little extra time to compose herself.

“You may begin when you’re ready.” The casting director spoke.

I reached towards the wall, mimicking the action of pulling boards from the shuttered windows.

“What are you doing?” Sophie asked from behind me. It could have been a real question, but it was actually the first line of the scene.

“I want to see what’s inside.” I replied, not looking at her. “Did you bring a key for the padlock?”

I heard her mumble, just as the script indicated, and then I turned around to see Sophie standing at a distance, not looking at me.

“Tatiana, I’m speaking to you. Did you bring the key for the padlock?”

“And I replied to you. I said no.” She snapped.

“Fine.” I replied, reaching down to my side and pulling out an imaginary gun. “If you didn’t bring the key, I will shoot the fucking padlock off.”

“Wait, wait.” She said, finally looking at me as she handed over an also imaginary key. “Here, you’re not at war, you know. You don’t have to bring that gun everywhere.”

“Oh yes, I do.” I said, stepping away from the wall. I glared at her for a moment. Alexander was frustrated with Tatiana for being so angry with him. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong. And in an odd coincidence, I felt very similarly towards Sophie. She’d been the one to stop me that night in my hotel room, but somehow, I still felt like I was to blame. I took a step and placed myself directly in front of her, taking a breath. “Ok, let’s have it.”

“Have what?” She stepped backwards, looking at me with a feigned innocence.

“Have _what?_ Why are you upset? What did I do, or not do? What did I do too much of, or not enough of? Tell me.” I furrowed my brow.

“Why are you talking to me like that?” Her big eyes stared up at mine. “You have no right in the world to be upset with me.”

“You have no right in the world to be upset with _me_.” I spat back at her. “Tania, we’re wasting our precious breath. And you’re wrong, _I_ have plenty of right to be upset with you. But unlike you, I’m too grateful you’re alive and too happy to see you to be upset with you.” The last part was more sincere than the words could have predicted.

“I have more reason to be upset with you.” She paused. “And I am grateful you are alive.” She looked down. “I _am_ happy to see you.”

My heart lurched slightly in my chest. It was just a line from the script, but hearing the words come from her lips gave me a sense of hope.

I continued. “It’s hard for me to tell, your wall against me is so thick.” That was the truth too.

She brushed her foot back and forth on the floor, not looking at me.

“Do you understand that I came all the way to Lazarevo without hearing from you once in six months?” I raised my voice. “Not once in six months! I should have just thought you were dead, no?”

“I don’t know what you thought, Alexander.” She looked up and past me, towards the other side of the room.

My eyes did not leave her face. “I’m going to tell you what I thought, Tatiana. In case it’s not clear. For six months, I didn’t know if you were alive or dead, because you couldn’t be bothered to pick up a fucking pen!”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to write to you.” She recited quietly.

“You didn’t know?” I raised my eyebrows. “What are you talking about? Hello, Tatiana. I’m Alexander. Have we met before? You didn’t know I would have wanted to hear that you were all right?” I took a step towards her. “Four thousand rubles, Tatiana. I gave you four thousand rubles. You’d think I’d deserve a fucking letter from you, no?”

“Put your weapon down.” She backed away from the imaginary gun that hung loosely from my hand. “Don’t you dare come near me with that thing in your hands.”

I tossed the invisible gun away and stepped towards her again, into her personal space, causing her to back away once more.

As I watched Sophie’s uncomfortable demeanor, I considered my next line and realized how difficult it would be to say to her, knowing she might find it too accurate to our reality. She looked at me like I was someone to be afraid of. With apprehension, I stepped forward again so that our faces were just inches apart. “What’s the matter, Tania? Am I crowding you? Getting too close?” I paused as I watched the fear continue to grow on her face. I wondered how much of her expression was real. “ _Scaring_ you?”

“Yes, yes, and yes.” She stepped away again and I felt an instant remorse. She stared at me in turmoil. If it was strictly an act, I was impressed. Neither of the other actresses had been so convincing.

I let my chest rise and fall heavily, as if I were even more frustrated with Tatiana than I was with Sophie.

“Tania, when you first saw me here…you were so happy.”

“What gave away my happiness?” She looked up at me with pained eyes. “Was it my sobbing?”

“I thought you were crying from happiness.” I replied quietly.

She frowned and looked down again.

“What did I say?” I watched her carefully.

She sighed. “I don’t know, what did you say?”

I channeled Alexander’s exasperation now. “Do we _have_ to play these guessing games? Can you just tell me? All I asked was where Dasha was.”

She shrunk away from me as the Tatiana in the script reacted to the sound of her sister’s name.

“Tania, if you’re unhappy because I’m making you remember things you want to forget, then we will deal with that…” I paused, thinking about Sophie’s scars that seemed to make her afraid of me too. “Listen, how about this? I will forgive you for not writing me, if you will forgive me for one thing that’s bothering you.” I smiled slightly. “Is there only one?”

“Alexander, there are so many things that are bothering me. I don’t even know where to begin.” She looked exhausted in my presence. The exhaustion seemed to live much deeper than the veil of the character she currently wore.

In the scene, Alexander’s demeanor softened in this moment, and I felt it in myself too. I stepped towards her, more gently this time, sliding my hands into hers. “Tatia…you sweet girl, sit down for a minute.”

She didn’t look at me, but I pulled her gently down to the ground. Her small soft hands gripped mine back lightly.

I knelt in front of her and took a shallow breath. She was looking at the ground, waiting for me to act next.

Nervously, I followed the script, leaning in slowly and touching my lips to her forehead as gently as I could. I left them there for a beat. “Tatia…we’re finally alone together.”

“I know.” Sophie said quietly.

I pulled back from her. “Look at me.”

“I can’t.” She whispered.

My heart beat a little faster as I reached out and took her face in my hands, lifting her chin. “Are you really…scared?”

Her warm brown eyes finally looked up into mine. “Terrified.” She breathed.

I frowned. “No, please, don’t be scared of me.” I ran my thumb across her cheek, studying her face closely. She blinked at me, completely at the mercy of the intimacy of the scene.

I smiled. “Why are you so beautiful? Why?”

“I’m a rag.” Her voice was barely audible. “Look at you.”

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her head into my chest. Her tiny figure was so delicate, yet so warm. She was tense at first, but for just a second, she relaxed into me. She felt wonderful in my arms, like she was made to fit there perfectly. I furrowed my brow at the sensation. I wanted to hold her for so much longer, but I leaned back and took her hands in mine again. “Tania, you are my miracle. You know that, don’t you? You were sent to redeem me, to comfort me, and to heal me – and that’s just so far…”

She was staring at me in silence, frozen in place. There was fear in her eyes still, but there was also something else there. An emotion that lived deeper inside her. 

I took a final breath and looked at her with sincerity. “I know you’re afraid. But I will never hurt you… You can trust me.”

It was the last line of the scene, and she stared at me for a long moment. I looked into her deeply conflicted eyes, trying to read the thoughts behind them, before finally dropping her hands from mine.

“Fantastic…” The casting director breathed. She wasn’t even trying to hide her impressed reaction. “That was really well done.”

Sophie stood up quickly, averting her gaze from me and focusing back at the table. I stood up slowly and admired her for a moment. She was so quiet and unsure of herself, almost as if she hadn’t broken character yet. But I knew she had. She was Tatiana in her very nature.

“Sophie,” The casting director said with a straight face now. “Thank you so much for coming in today. Impressive job. We will definitely be in touch.”

Sophie nodded and smiled at each of them individually. “Thank you.” Her voice was soft but grateful.

It was a simple response, but I could tell that my presence was making her even quieter than usual.

She glanced at me just briefly, as if she felt it was a necessary formality. But she was quick to look away before I had a chance to give her an encouraging smile. And then she was turning and leaving the room with an unnecessary sense of haste.

As soon as she left, the casting director turned to me with an oversized grin I knew she’d been holding in.

“Oh, she was the _best_ …” She looked at the others at the table. “Wasn’t she?”

They all nodded in agreement, grinning just the same.

Paulina, the author, spoke. “It’s like she’s jumped out of my mind. A perfect portrayal.” She looked at me. “Aidan, what did you think?”

My heart was beating erratically. I blinked at her, trying to find the appropriate words. The honest truth was that she _was_ talented. I understood now why she’d gotten the call-back. “I thought she was fantastic.”

“There was a really interesting chemistry there.” She studied my reaction. “How well did you say you know her?”

I gulped. “Just barely.”

The director, George, spoke up. “She’s new to the business. She doesn’t have experience beyond a few local films. How do you think she’d cope with a project this big?”

I looked directly at him. I hardly knew her, but I knew well enough what she wanted. Even though we’d only spoken for a short evening, I knew a project like this one was her dream, and I knew she could do it. I smiled at George. “I have no doubt that she would be brilliant in any role. She has an immense amount of determination.”

“And how do you think the two of you would work together?”

I was silent for just a second. “Very well.” I lied.

The casting director looked at George. “I’m not even considering the other options at this point. Are you?”

I looked at the door where Sophie had left. I felt a deep pull towards it.

“Honestly, no. I think we really have something here; the two of them.” George responded.

He looked at me and smiled. “We may have just found your Tatiana.”

I look a deep, nervous breath and returned his expression. “I think she would be an excellent choice.”

“Well, we’ll iron out the details tomorrow, but I don’t think there’s much more to consider.” The casting director shuffled her papers in front of her.

I looked at the door again, and then back at her. “Would you excuse me for a moment?”

She gazed up at me and nodded. “Sure, I think we’re finished for the day anyway. We’ll be in touch, Aidan.”

I smiled at the group of them and then swiftly made my way to the door and then down the hallway to the entrance. My mind was flowing with a dozen outcomes and I was desperate to know where Sophie’s thoughts were too.

When I stepped out the front door into the sunshine, she was there, unlocking her car door, faced away from me.

“Sophie.” I called to her as I crossed the small parking lot.

Her hand froze on her keys, and after a pause, she turned to me with an expression of defeat on her face.

I stopped a few meters from her and smiled eagerly. “They really liked you in there.”

She nodded and then visibly swallowed, trying to force an unnatural smile onto her face. But even with her talents, she couldn’t act her way out of the truth I could see beneath the surface. She was clearly very uncomfortable.

I cleared my throat. “I don’t usually like to make assumptions about things like this, but I think they might offer you the role.” I took another step towards her. “And they should. You were brilliant.”

She tilted her head and peered at me. “ _Should_ they?”

I tilted my head too in response. “Of course. Why shouldn’t they?”

She sucked in a long breath and then leaned against her car, crossing her arms and staring at me.

I blinked at her for a moment and raised my palms with confusion. _“What?”_

“Aidan, this is…” She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “This is so not ideal…”

“What’s not ideal about it? You finally have your opportunity. It’s right here.” I pointed to the building. “Right in front of you.”

She stared at me for a moment. “But, you…and me…this is…weird.”

I raised an eyebrow. “ _Weird?”_

She let out a frustrated breath. “Yes, Aidan. _Weird_. I’m trying to have a professional career here, and I finally get my big break, and suddenly, it includes you. I can’t do this with that kind of distraction.”

I blinked rapidly. I was a distraction to her? The wheels turned in my head as I tried to comprehend her meaning. “Why am I a distraction?”

She shot me a look that told me I apparently already knew what she didn’t want to admit.

Had I really affected her so strongly? Was the prospect of shooting this film together _that_ worrisome to her? I took a breath, considering the possibility. In some ways, I didn’t blame her. The scene we’d just performed held an intimacy that made even me feel awkward. But it was so tame compared to the even more physical and vulnerable ones that would be required of us if she were to be cast as Tatiana. For me, the difference was that I’d performed many intimate scenes with co-stars before now. Sophie didn’t have the same level of experience. She didn’t know how robotic it would actually be. With a dozen production team members standing around, directing angles and expressions, there was never much time for real feelings to get in the way. I shrugged, trying not to worry about something I knew was just part of the job. She was afraid I’d be a distraction, but maybe the distraction would be helpful? I smirked. “Well, would you rather do this with someone you found repulsive?”

She looked down, brushing her foot across the ground just like her version of Tatiana had done earlier. “Yeah, probably actually.”

My shoulders dropped. “C’mon, Sophie. It’s just acting...”

She nodded and closed her eyes. “I know, I know. But have you read the script? You and I both know that it’s not going to be _just_ acting.”

I furrowed my brow. “What do you mean? What do you think is gonna happen?”

She stared at me silently for a moment before she spoke. “Did you know I was auditioning today?”

I looked at her incredulously. “I had no idea, Sophie. They don’t tell me these things.”

She studied me, as if trying to determine if I was lying. “Have you met the other Tatianas?”

“Yes, they auditioned yesterday.”

She sighed. “Well I’m sure they’re much better options, anyway. You should tell that to the director.”

I was frustrated now. She was clearly poised and ready to throw her big opportunity out the window. And for what? Because she thought things would be _weird_ with me? She was showing her naivete in a less-appealing light now. I wasn’t impressed, and my words turned bitter. “The other options were fine, but there was no chemistry there.” I sighed, and then met her gaze again. “You and me, we have chemistry…”

She opened her mouth to start to plead but I held my hand up to stop her. “Don’t deny it.” She closed her mouth and I continued. “I think it was obvious back there. They saw it too…the directors… It’s what’s going to make or break this film. I mean…think of the success we could garner.”

She still didn’t respond. I studied her for a moment, trying to figure out where her walls were still up. I was beginning to realize that I needed her now. It was true that we had an undeniable chemistry. And onscreen, it would speak volumes. “Come on.” I coaxed, stepping towards her and trying to smile again. “Could be fun, right?”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t know, Aidan…”

I raised my palms again. “Why? What is so awful about this?”

She sighed. “I barely know you. But I _know_ you. You’ve made that clear. You’re just going to make a move at me again, and I’m not having it.”

I stared at her with disbelief. “Do you know how ridiculous you sound right now?”

Her forehead wrinkled for just a second in response to my words. “Excuse me?”

“Sophie, this is a _professional_ relationship.” I emphasized. “We perform the scenes…as the _characters_. And then we go back to being co-workers. I know you know that.”

She peered at me and took a long, deep breath. “ _I_ know that. But I don’t think you’ll be able to maintain that separation.”

I pursed my lips and raised an eyebrow. “I think it’s _you_ who is worried about maintaining that separation.”

“Only because I don’t think _you’ll_ be able to…” She said quietly.

I sighed loudly. We were talking in circles, and the conversation was getting us nowhere. She was actually considering throwing away a project that could jumpstart her career, all because of her anxiety and insecurity. I stared pointedly at her, trying to figure her out. “You’d really give up this opportunity for fear that I might make a move at you again?”

“Ah, so you _would._ ” She stated boldly, uncrossing her arms and meeting my gaze without waver.

I sighed again, looking around the parking lot, pondering the prospect briefly. “I mean…” I hesitantly met her skeptical eyes again. They stared back at mine, waiting for my answer. She was simultaneously irritating and adorable at the same time. Weeks ago, I’d resolved to finally forget about her, but now she stood in front of me, all sweet and small, tempting me again. I took a breath. “I can’t make any promises…”

She dropped her shoulders and turned away from me, gripping the door handle of her car. “I don’t know Aidan…I have to think about this. I can’t be on set every day, trying to be professional with someone who’s playing with my feelings like that.”

“Oh come _on_ …playing with your feelings? What are we, twelve?”

She glared at me. “Ok, I’m done here.”

I took another aggravated breath. She was being ridiculous, whether she wanted to admit it or not, and I wasn’t about to let her ruin _my_ opportunity. She could throw away her chances all she wanted, if I wasn’t involved. But if I had a say in this one, then _she was going to be Tatiana_. She’d clearly outperformed the other women. I needed her to be Tatiana. And whether she realized it or not, _she_ needed to be Tatiana too.

She was opening her door when I realized my only option left. I stepped towards her. “Ok, what if I _did_ promise?”

She turned around to look at me again and raised her eyebrow. “Promised what?”

I took a hesitant breath. “What if I promised you that I would keep my distance? Straight professionalism. Two actors, playing their part on camera, but completely platonic otherwise.”

She blinked at me, but she was silent, so I continued. “I’ll behave myself. I’ll make sure we’re both focused only on the production. I won’t make any sort of move, whatsoever.” I paused. “At the very most, maybe we’ll be friends. But I won’t overstep that boundary.”

I knew I was making promises that would surely come back to bite me, but more than the trouble they would cause, I _wanted_ to keep them for my sake, _and for hers_.

She was gazing at me with a thoughtful expression, as if she were trying to decide if she could trust me. Then she narrowed her eyes. “You can’t possibly promise something like that.”

I blinked and raised both brows. “What, you think you’re so irresistible that I couldn’t restrain myself?”

“No, no… I just…” She stuttered over her words.

“Look…” I smiled lightly at her. “I’m not gonna let you throw this away because of me. I know how much this means to you. And this is a big one for me too. I can absolutely see the value of keeping it strictly professional. So, I’ll gladly do just that.”

In her eyes, I could see her pondering the prospect too. We were both silent for a moment, and then her voice was quiet when she spoke again. “You _promise_?”

I watched her with utter seriousness, perfectly poised, while my mind secretly rejoiced in my victory.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnnddddd...there's your title 😉
> 
> I revised and edited this chapter so many times, trying to get Aidan's mindset about the situation perfect. I know where Sophie stands, but I'm still working out exactly how Aidan is feeling. But when I first felt the inspiration to write this story, it began with this scene, alongside one other that is yet to come 😉 I'm so excited about this dynamic between them.
> 
> Thank you all for being so patient in waiting for this chapter. I've been SO busy lately, and I haven't had much time to write. But have no fear, this story is FAR from over, and I am so excited to continue it, even if it may take a bit longer during the busier holiday season.
> 
> I hope you've all been well! As always, thank you for your lovely comments!
> 
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	9. Chapter Nine - Sophie

  


_**SOPHIE**_  
  
“Excuse me, I ordered a grande, iced, sugar-free, vanilla latte with _soy milk_. This tastes like skim.”

I blinked from my daze and looked up at the unhappy customer across the counter, holding her drink towards me with a grimace.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I mumbled, taking it from her and turning around to make another.

I glared at the ingredients as I made sure to get the order right this time. Whether it was my imagination or not, sometimes it seemed like customers found entertainment in making up reasons to be a bother. But this time I actually had absolutely no idea if I’d used soy or skim. My mind was much too far from my barista duties today.

Yesterday, I’d auditioned alongside Aidan, completely in shock and with a hesitation that had practically rendered me speechless. Yesterday, Aidan had made me a promise. Yesterday, I’d hesitated to believe him.

But today, I accepted the role.

Early this morning, my agent called me, all poised and professional, reading me the details of the offer and the _huge_ salary that accompanied it. My jaw had dropped right down to that faded, outdated, cheap kitchen floor of our apartment, barely believing such a number was within my reach.

In another world, I could have believed that the outrageous amount of money was what ultimately made me accept the role, but in truth, I’d already made my decision hours before the call.

I knew it was silly for me to even hesitate at such an amazing opportunity considering just hours before, I’d been taking every breath in the hope that I’d land the role. But I didn’t want to start my career and my reputation off with tabloid stories narrating some sort of fling or flirtatious relationship with my co-star. I’d listened to the articles Mia frequently read aloud to me, about certain personalities in the business, known more for their personal lives than the work they put into their roles. I didn’t want to head down that path. Especially not at the launch of my career. I wanted to know I was respected in the industry.

And even more than the stability of my image, I certainly didn’t want to fall for Aidan’s deceptive charm again. He’d easily turned me to putty that night at the club, and regretfully, I didn’t trust myself to resist him again. But yesterday, he’d _promised_. He’d promised me with the only words that would have changed my mind. He’d promised to respect the boundaries. He promised me his own self-control. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed his strength. I needed his resolve. If I knew he was intent on keeping his distance, I could keep mine too. If I knew he could make it seem like he didn’t want me, I could trick myself into believing I didn’t want him either.

In the moment, my embarrassment had reached a new high. I’d stood in front of him, expressing my concerns about working together while simultaneously wishing I could just get in my car and drive far, far away. But with sincerity in his eyes, he’d said the words, “ _I promise_.” And in that moment, and the hours following it, I’d ultimately made the decision to trust him.

So, here I was, having accepted the role of Tatiana, and looking at four challenging months in faraway places with Aidan. Spending hours with him, looking into his eyes, kissing him…

I blinked and shook my head. The terrified half of me still couldn’t believe the other half had willingly agreed to enter into this whole ordeal.

I passed the new, correctly made latte to my aggravated customer, and then turned away to wipe the counters. As I scrubbed at a tough spot with a sigh, I found some solace in the realization that I wouldn’t be working here much longer. The initial table read would take place in just two weeks, _in_ St. Petersburg. I was already scheduled to meet with my dietician tomorrow to start losing weight for the first scenes we’d shoot there in the dead of winter. My “yes” had jumpstarted the filming schedule, and things were moving fast now. I was simultaneously terrified and enthusiastic, not knowing what to expect, but eager to find out.

“One espresso macchiato, please.” A deep, familiar voice rang out from behind me.

I spun around to see Aidan standing across the counter, smiling radiantly at me. I blinked at him in astonishment. “How did you know I work here?”

“I spoke with production.” He replied. “They were very helpful, since I had no other way to contact you.”

I was completely still for another beat. He had this uncanny ability to stop me in my tracks, even on my own turf. But I stepped up to the register. “Well, then I suppose the correct question would be _why_ are you here?”

“I wanted to congratulate you. I heard you accepted the role this morning.” He grinned.

“I did, and thank you. It’s $4.50.” I read the total to him.

He reached into his pocket and retrieved his wallet. “And I wanted to stop by and take this opportunity to chat a bit about our characters…and compare notes…since we likely won’t see each other again until the table read. I fly back to Dublin this evening. It would be nice to know we’re on the same page.” He handed me a 5-dollar bill.

I slid it into the register and passed back his change, studying him closely, wondering what his ulterior motives were. “Yeah, ok, that’s probably a good idea.”

“When’s your next break?” He asked.

I took a deep breath as I eyed him with skepticism. He still made me nervous, but I was going to have to learn to adjust my hesitancies about spending time with him. I looked at the clock. “I can take one now.”

“Perfect.” He continued to smile at me. There was no mischief in his expression, just a friendly set of eyes.

I tried to smile in return, attempting to feel comfortable in our new professional relationship, but it was the oddest sensation. I nodded awkwardly and turned to make his drink.

“When’s your last day of work?” He asked from behind me.

“I haven’t even spoken to my manager yet.” I replied. “But probably tomorrow, if I can find someone to fill the rest of my shifts. I have no time anymore. My first meeting with the dietician is tomorrow afternoon, and then I’ll be meeting with my accent coach the day after that.”

“That’s right,” He mused. “Tatiana is supposed to be pretty malnourished in those first scenes we’re filming, isn’t she? They can’t expect you to lose that much weight though? They’ll do most of it with makeup?” He eyed at me with concern.

I poured myself a black coffee, handed him his drink, and then stepped around the counter. “10 pounds…which is, well, it’s a lot for someone small like me.” I laughed lightly.

“It sure is.” His voice was still uneasy.

“Honestly, I’m more worried about the accent.” I sighed as we sat down at a table in the corner. “I haven’t the faintest idea how to attempt a Russian accent, let alone speak _English_ with a Russian accent.”

Aidan took a sip of his drink and chuckled. “You think you’ve got it hard? Alexander is an American speaking Russian as a second language. So, try being Irish, having to learn how to speak like you’re an American who speaks English with an American version of a Russian accent.”

I blinked at him, confused.

He raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Yeah, I have no idea how I’m gonna pull that one off.”

We both laughed in unison. I smiled down at the table.

“I’m so glad you accepted the role.” He said simply.

I looked up at him. A single dark curl hung down onto his forehead, just like it had in the elevator. Except, that time, I’d reached up to touch it. This time, I just stared.

Then I cleared my throat. “But you would have been Alexander no matter what. Why is it so important to you that I play Tatiana? Why go out of your way for me?”

He watched me for a moment with a kind expression. He took a breath and set his cup down. “Here’s a question for you: if you took me out of the equation, how badly did you want this role?”

“I wanted it more than anything.”

“Right. But would it mean anything if you had to act alongside someone without any real talent?”

I furrowed my brow.

“See, I’m sure you understand. I did it for my own selfish reasons.” He continued. “I think you’re a much more believable Tatiana than the other actors who auditioned. Of course, I’d want the ideal leading lady next to me, right?” He shifted in his seat and pulled out a notebook. “Plus, I knew this opportunity meant a lot to you.”

Flattered by his compliment, I smiled genuinely at him. But before I had a chance to respond, he changed the subject. “But, enough about that. We’re here now. Have you read the novel?”

“Yes, have you?” I watched him open his notebook to a list of handwritten notes and I suddenly felt very unprepared.

“Yes, and want to speak with Paulina about the character traits that may have been adjusted for the screenplay. I’m interested in her thoughts. Did you notice anything particularly different about Tatiana’s character?”

I took a deep breath as I observed him. He had completely flipped a switch from the Aidan I thought I knew, to someone new and different. He was all business now, fully engrossed in the process. It was day one, and he was already showing me how much he’d meant what he’d promised. It was a comforting turn of events.

We chatted about our characters for a half hour, discussing their motives and their flaws, figuring out how they felt about each other. He was perfectly well-behaved. We were just two co-stars discussing our work. A sense of hope washed over me. If we could truly maintain this level of professionalism, then maybe this would the perfect opportunity I’d dreamed it to be after all.

I studied Aidan as he spoke about Alexander’s self-assuredness, his confidence, and the things that sometimes made him feel less-so. Aidan was so passionate about getting his character just right, and I respected him for his determination. When he thought hard about a concept, his strong brows pulled together firmly across his forehead, and I had to bite my lip not to smile. It was endearing, the way he concentrated with such intensity.

I talked about Tatiana and her inner battle to find self-worth. Her character had to painfully watch Alexander in his relationship with her sister Dasha. It was a relationship she couldn’t bear to break up, if only for her sister’s sake. The entire first half of the novel centered around a heartbreaking love triangle. Dasha loved Alexander. Alexander loved Tatiana. Tatiana loved them both.

And then there was Tatiana’s innocence. She was much more naïve than myself, but there was a connection there that I felt with her. We both wanted a true kind of love, but neither of us quite knew how to find it, and neither of us had enough experience to know how it might feel once we got there.

Of course, I didn’t divulge those deeper internal connections with Aidan, but I spoke confidently about the grasp I had on her personality and her motivations.

“And together,” Aidan added, studying his script. “I feel like they’re kind of the perfect balance. His experience. Her lack-there-of. And he has a disregard for her feelings sometimes. But her responses and reactions are what make him think a little more deeply.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I think that balance is kind of what drives the story forward. I think they’re just so intrigued by their own differences, that they can’t bear to give up on each other.”

Aidan smiled. “I think if we can tell that story successfully, then the results are going to speak for themselves. It’s a brilliant dynamic.”

“It really is.” I held his gaze for a moment too long, and then I looked down at my empty coffee cup.

Aidan cleared his throat. “Well, I should get going.”

I lifted my eyes to his again, but found that he was shuffling with his notebook and beginning to stand up.

I took half a breath and shifted in my seat. “So, um…”

He placed his notebook in his bag without looking at me. He was avoiding my gaze on purpose.

I smirked slightly. He was going to make me suggest it; I had no doubt. I sat up straighter. “So, um, do you want my number then?”

Just the very corner of his mouth turned up as he pulled the zipper closed on his bag. “If you insist.” He finally lifted his eyes to mine. There was a twinkle there for an instant, but then it disappeared, and he pulled out his phone, typed something briefly, and then handed it to me.

I saw that he’d entered my name into a new contact form. I typed my number below it and then passed it back to him with a light smirk.

With my eyes intently set upon him, I waited for him to make a cheeky comment about the exchange, but none came. He touched the screen of his phone and then pocketed it and slung his bag over his shoulder. “I just texted you, so you have my number too. Let me know if you want to discuss any more during the next few weeks. Otherwise, I’ll see you at the table read?”

I nodded and then stood up and straightened my apron. “Yes, ok, that sounds good.”

He smiled lightly and turned to leave.

An aching deep within me told me I didn’t want to say goodbye so soon. It surprised me, after I’d been wishing him out of my mind for so long.

I stepped towards him and opened my mouth, but then I stopped myself. His back was turned to me as he walked to the door. But the words were bubbling up in my throat without my consent, and they came out jumbled and disorganized. “Have a…your flight…have a good flight…a safe flight.” I mentally kicked myself for sounding so stupid in front of him again. I was surely past the nerves by now?

He paused for just a second and turned his head halfway towards me. He was smirking. “Thanks Sophie. I’ll see you soon.”

And then he was gone. Out the door and out of sight for the next two weeks. I pulled my phone from my pocket and flipped open the screen. A new text from an unknown number sat unopened. A small smile played on my face as I wondered what kind of cheeky comment he might have sent me. But when I opened it, disappointment replaced my eager smile.

_Hey, it’s Aidan. -A_

So simple. All business.

Well, _I’d_ asked for it. I rubbed my forehead, sighed, and picked up my coffee cup, trudging back to the register to finish my shift.

***

“So, you’re going to have to kiss him _how_ many times in this movie?” Mia raised her eyebrow and smirked as she picked up a slice of pepperoni pizza from the box in front of her.

We were sitting on the floor of our living room, queueing up a fresh episode of The Bachelor, Mia’s favorite guilty pleasure.

“Um, quite a few times.” I replied flatly, taking a bite of my bland salad – the strict diet I was already placed on. “But it’s just a job. I’m getting paid for it.”

“I really don’t think they’d have to pay you to do that.” She murmured, continuing to grin.

“Mia.” I snapped. “It’s not like that. He p-”

“Yes, he _promised_ you.” She interrupted. “I know, I know. Let me know how long that one lasts.”

I furrowed my brow. “You don’t believe him?”

She licked her lips, swallowing a bite of pizza. “I believe that he _intends_ to keep his promise. But I don’t for a second think that he can actually do it.”

I pursed my lips and glared at her.

“And I don’t think you can either.” She added.

“What?” I looked at her with wide eyes. “What are you getting at?”

She tilted her head towards me sympathetically. “Soph…you’re completely smitten. If you think you can go the next four months, seeing him every day…kissing him…whispering sweet nothings to each other…and _not_ fall for him, you’re seriously kidding yourself.”

I scrunched my nose. I had more confidence in myself than that. She didn’t know me like I knew myself. “I will not be _falling_ for him, Mia. Yeah, so, whatever…he’s gorgeous, but it ends there. He’s just like the rest of them. There’s nothing there worth falling for. There are no feelings to be had. I was caught off-guard that night at the club. But it won’t happen again. I can handle myself. It’s just purely physical attraction.”

“Yeah, until it becomes more than that…” She mumbled quietly, turning up the volume on the tv as the show began.

“No. It will never be more than that.” My voice was firm.

She shrugged. “Suit yourself. But I don’t believe it. I give it a month.”

I crossed my arms and stared at the screen, watching Chris Harrison introduce the bachelorettes for the new season, all parading out in front of the man they all pined for. That fact that Mia thought it would be so easy for me to fall for someone so unlike myself was appalling. My attraction to him only went as far as what my eyes could see. Beyond that, he was just another overly confident, testosterone-laden flirt with only one thing on his mind.

She clearly didn’t know how serious I was going to take this role.

_Well, I’d prove her wrong._

***

“My name is Nikolai Petrov. It is a pleasure to meet you, Sophie.” My accent coach reached out his hand to mine.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” I smiled.

We were in a small office downtown LA, for our first of three sessions together. For some reason, I’d expected him to be much older, possibly having been in the coaching business for many years. But he was young, like me. Maybe only a year or two my senior.

“Come in, sit.” He smiled, gesturing towards a table in the center of the room. His hair was blonde and neatly trimmed to just a few inches, and his eyes were a clear, mild blue. He towered over me by quite a few inches, but he was thin and angular, not overly large or imposing. Just the touch of a Russian accent was there in his voice, but it was obvious that his English was well practiced.

“Thank you.” I nodded and sat down at the table. He walked smoothly to the other side and slid into his own chair.

“So, they tell me this is your first big film role?” He flashed his perfectly aligned white teeth in my direction.

I clasped my hands nervously in front of me on the table. “Yes, it is.”

“Well,” He continued to smile. “I’m here to help you achieve the vision for Tatiana. I’m the official dialect coach for the entire cast, and will be assisting throughout filming. My job is to ensure consistency and authenticity across the board. So, I’m looking forward to working with you for the next few months.”

I nodded and grinned. “Well, I’m certainly going to need it.”

“You’ll be wonderful, I’m sure.” He sat back in his chair and studied me. “Have you ever been to Russia?”

“Never been to Europe.” I answered.

He nodded and then blinked compassionately at me and my inexperience that kept coming back around to bite me. “Do you know a second language?”’

I blushed. “I took a couple years of French in high school. But I don’t remember much.”

He smirked. “Well, that is a start. That means you have the foundation for understanding another dialect. And luckily, knowing the Russian language isn’t necessary for your role. But we’ll get you speaking your English like true a Russian native.”

I laughed at his confidence. “I’m glad you seem to know what that entails. Have you taught a Russian accent to many Americans before?”

He smirked at my studying eyes. “Many times. Yes, I may be young. But I have my Masters in Linguistics, with a dual minor in speech therapy and communications. I do this all the time.” He pulled a folder across the table towards him and opened to the first page.

I blinked at him, trying to figure out how he’d accomplished so much at such an early age. I suddenly felt very inadequate.

“So, this is not your first time coaching a project of this size?” I asked.

“My third.” He puffed out his chest.

I was impressed.

“Ok, so first of all,” He continued. “It is important to know the vision for Tatiana’s accent. The aim is to make small adjustments to your American accent, to give just a faint allusion that this story takes place in a place where Russian was spoken. Our goal here is to make sure we don’t give English-speaking viewers any reason to use subtitles.” He grinned at his own joke.

I nodded again as he slid a piece of paper towards me. I immediately recognized the lines from the script.

“We’re going to keep this as simple as possible. Today, we’ll start with a simple concept. The letter “i” in Russian is usually pronounced like an English “e,” like in the word “feet.” It’s more of an elongated “e.” So, for example, your line, “Is it salty?” would be pronounced “Ees eet salty?” He looked at me for understanding.

I nodded nervously.

“So, let’s have you try a bit. I’d like you to read through the first few lines in front of you, using that “ee” sound replacement.”

“Oh, um alright…” I focused down at the paper in a mild panic at being asked to perform so quickly. It felt a bit stupid, but I read the lines as he asked, and then I looked up at him warily, knowing I’d probably sounded ridiculous.

He saw my reluctance and smiled. “No, that was very good. Very good. Now, try it again, but soften the “ee” sound a bit. Tone it a bit back to the “i” sound you’re familiar with.”

For the next two hours, I sat with Nikolai, practicing my consonants and vowels, trying to perfect Tatiana’s unique voice. I began to understand the effect that he was trying to nail down. I didn’t need to sound like I’d just stepped off a boat from Russia, barely able to pronounce English words. I needed simply to alter a few sounds here and there to give character to Tatiana’s voice.

I was impressed by Nikolai’s knowledge and professionalism. He seemed well rounded in both his own education and also his ability to teach me. His clear blue eyes watched me patiently as I stumbled over words and sounds. He was extremely helpful, and he had a confident presence, instructing me with a sort of gentle assertiveness that made me feel comfortable and confident too.

When we were finished, he closed his folder and reached into his bag. “Well, that was a great start today, Sophie. You’re picking it up quickly. But I’m not surprised. I had a feeling about you when you first walked in.” He smirked and placed a CD in front of me. “Spend some time over the next day listening to the dialogue on this CD. You’ll recognize the soft accent that I’d like you to mimic. And then I’ll see you on Thursday again and we’ll see how you’ve progressed.”

I took the CD and placed it in my own bag. “Ok, yes. This’ll be helpful I’m sure.”

“I’m not worried about you at all.” He smiled, and then he leaned in slightly and lowered his voice. “I met with a few of the other cast members yesterday…they aren’t grasping it near as quickly as you are.”

I watched him closely. “Oh? Other _main_ cast?”

“Mostly a few of the minor roles. All LA locals like you. Though I did meet with Maureen Taylor, who will be playing Dasha. She’s catching on well too.”

“Ah, _only_ LA locals?” I asked.

He zipped up his bag and began to stand up. “So far, yes. But I fly out to Dublin next week to meet with Aidan. And then I’ll jump over to London to coach Brent Collins. He will play Dimitri. Have you met him or Maureen yet?”

I shook my head.

“They’re all charming people. A great cast all around. And St. Petersburg is my hometown. We’ll have a good time. I’ll make sure of it.” He winked.

I smiled and stood up too. “You’ll show us around?”

“I’d love to show you around, Sophie.” He gazed at me for a moment, and then stepped past me to open the door. “So I’ll see you again on Thursday, then?”

“Yep, I’ll see you then.” A fresh set of nerves washed over me as his blue eyes stared back into mine. His mannerisms were clearly well-practiced. But so was everything else about him. He had a unique kind of charm; one that seemed to be backed by poise and composure.

I cleared my throat as I walked out the door. His arm brushed mine just slightly in the tight space.

“I’m looking forward to it.” He replied. There was a twinkle in his eye as our gazes met one last time before I turned away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean...there had to be even more conflict, right? Right? 😉
> 
> Also, so many of you have reached out and told me you've read The Bronze Horseman after my recommendation. And so many of you have told me how much you loved it! I'm SO GLAD I've gotten to share one of my very favorite novels with you all! Keep spreading the Alexander-Tatiana love! ❤️
> 
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	10. Chapter Ten - Aidan

  


_**AIDAN**_

“Hold on please. I need to take this call.” Nikolai lifted his palm to me.

I glared mildly at him as he stood up from his chair to take his _third_ phone call during our session. I found it hard to believe that any of these calls were more important than the job he was actually _being paid for_.

It was our third meeting, and during the first two, we’d focused on the basics of the American accent that Alexander’s character would follow. Today, we were adding a few Russian inflections to certain words to hint at his character’s extent of time spent in that country.

Nikolai was knowledgeable, and I _did_ feel like I was making progress, but his lack of patience was irritating. He was visibly frustrated when I didn’t catch onto something quickly enough for him. There was a masculine vibrato in his voice that told me he was aggravated with me. He expected only perfection. And he expected it immediately. He was the kind of guy who liked to own whichever room he was in. I was _his_ student, under _his_ coaching, but it seemed he just wanted be done with me. He couldn’t be bothered to spend any additional effort at my expense.

But the truth was, I could hardly be bothered with him today either. Tomorrow I’d be flying into St. Petersburg to finally begin filming. The entire cast would be together for the first time.

Sophie would be there.

I hadn’t spoken to her since the day at the coffee shop. Finally having her number didn’t seem to mean much now. She hadn’t texted me, and I hadn’t tried to contact her either. I hardly thought she’d be keen on hearing from me anyway.

Nikolai walked back into the room and pointed at the script in front of me. “Say that last line again, but this time remember what I told you about your “th” sound. It’s not “ _tree_ ,” its “ _three_.” You still sound Irish.”

I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath, looking back down at the paper and thinking less about whether I could pronounce my words correctly, and more about which words I’d use tomorrow when I saw Sophie again.

***

“You must be Aidan? I’m Brent. I’m playing Dimitri. Glad to finally meet you.”

“Ah, great, mate. Looking forward to working with you.” I smiled, shaking his hand.

Brent, who was English, was shorter than me and built much thicker. He had straight, dark hair, and a large nose that didn’t quite fit on his face. But his smile was genuine, and I had a feeling I was going to like him.

As he took his seat, I looked down at mine, laying my winter coat across my chair at the long table. A place card read “Aidan Turner “Alexander”” in front of my spot, and next to it sat one that read “Sophie Lewis “Tatiana.”” I smiled as I reached out and touched hers gently, straightening it out so that it was in line with mine.

“Well, that looks _much_ better. Thanks Aidan.” It wasn’t Brent’s voice. It was much sweeter and much more familiar.

I spun around to see Sophie grinning up at me. Something fluttered in my chest, but I hardly recognized her for a moment, and I furrowed my brow at the sight of her.

“Oh, yeah, it’s blonde now.” She blushed and touched her hair. “Tatiana is blonde…so, the red had to go.”

I blinked at her and gulped silently. Her red hair had suited her so well, but this new look did something different to me. The blonde almost made her even more irresistible.

“It, um, it looks really lovely.” I smiled genuinely.

“Thanks.” She blushed again, setting her bag down. “It’s going to take some getting used to.”

I still couldn’t stop staring at her. So I just nodded, because she was so very right. I was eager to get used to it, to touch it, to smell it, however long it took.

I blinked again, taking a step back and remembering my promise. She pulled off her thick winter coat and hung it over her chair, revealing her tiny, delicate frame. She seemed even smaller now. I could tell that she’d successfully lost the extra weight for the role.

“How was your flight?” I asked.

“Long.” She sighed and looked out the window. “But wow, it’s so pretty here…with all the snow.”

“A far cry from LA, huh?” I smirked.

She didn’t respond at first. She was distracted by something across the room. I followed her gaze as she waved to Nikolai at the other end of the table. He smiled brightly at her. It was the most animation I’d seen from him yet.

“Yes, LA hasn’t seen snow in years. And neither have I.” She laughed lightly, sitting down and beginning to flip through her script.

I started to open my mouth, but she spoke up first, looking past me and smiling brightly. “Maureen! Hi!”

I turned around to see another young woman dropping her bags in the seat on the other side of me. My eyes trailed up her set of long legs, past the curve of her hips, and then to her deep brown wavy hair and set of full, red lips.

Maureen sighed deeply. “Oh my God, Sophie, it took forever for me to check in. I can’t believe you beat me.” And then her eyes turned to me.

Sophie spoke up. “Aidan, this is Maureen. She’s playing Dasha. We met on the plane.”

“Ah, finally my Alexander.” Maureen winked at me. “It’s nice to meet you Aidan.”

I shook her hand and grinned. “Maureen, it’s a pleasure.”

“You know…” She looked me up and down like lioness eyeing her prey. “Sophie told me a lot about you on the plane, but she sure didn’t do you justice.”

I shifted my gaze to Sophie and smirked. “Oh, didn’t she?”

She blushed and then glared at Maureen.

“What _did_ you say about me, Sophie?” I asked.

She glanced at me and crossed her arms. “I said you were very talented, and-”

“And handsome.” Maureen added.

Sophie turned away quickly and buried her head in her script, hiding her face.

I smirked and almost blushed myself, shoving my hands in my pockets in an effort to distract myself from saying something I’d regret.

“But all jokes aside,” Maureen continued, sitting down in her chair. “I’m really excited to work with you. You’ve got a really great resume.”

I nodded and smiled. “Thanks, yeah. I appreciate it.” Regretfully, I didn’t know anything about hers.

I finally took my seat too and looked around the room. There were at least thirty of us sitting around the main table, with countless others around the edges of the room, observing. The director, George sat at the head of the table, directly across from Sophie and I. He was gazing around the room, beaming at all of us.

I leaned into Sophie. “Looks like George is happy with the cast he’s cooked up.”

She looked up from her script and smiled at George. “Let’s hope we do him justice.”

“We will.” I assured her.

She continued to scan the room, but she didn’t let her eyes meet mine.

George stood up and began to speak over the crowd. “Good morning! I want to personally welcome you all to St. Petersburg. I’m so glad you’ve all had safe travels.” He smiled. “Well, here we are. This has been a long time coming, with so many of us working hard to finally make this project a reality. Each and every one of you are playing a huge part in making this happen. Today, we’ll get this first read-through under our belts. Tomorrow, we’ll all participate in a history tour around the city, to get us all acquainted with the atmosphere. And then on Tuesday, we’ll kick off the first day of filming.” He paused. “To begin, I’m going to pass it over to Paulina, and then let’s do some quick introductions around the table before we get started for the day.”

It took us 6 hours plus a lunch break to get through the entire script twice, discussing notes and locations as we went. But it was really thrilling to finally put voices to the characters. Sophie’s acquired Russian accent was perfect, just gentle enough for Tatiana’s quiet personality.

Reading through the entire script with her at last was exhilarating. Now, more than ever, I couldn’t wait to start filming. There were a few lines that stirred something up from within me, and I could tell that she still had a fair bit of nerves built up too. As we read through our two love scenes, she tensed and held her breath like she’d rather be somewhere else. But I read them with a different kind of attitude. I was eager to be close to her again. Even though I’d written off the possibility of ever being with her, at least I could have a bit of fun pretending.

When we were finally finished, George shuffled his papers in front of him. “Ok, that wraps it up for the day. Remember, 7pm kick-off dinner at Korovabar.”

We all began standing up and gathering our things to head back to our rooms. The entire cast and production team would be residing in an extended stay hotel for the duration of the three weeks in St. Petersburg. It would make for a friendly, community atmosphere, living just doors down from each other.

Sophie was quick to leave, giving me no chance to catch her. She conveniently stepped onto one of the lifts that was already full. So, I hung back for a moment once she was gone.

“What floor are you on?” Suddenly Maureen was beside me, blinking eagerly.

I stuffed my script into my bag and glanced at her. “7th.”

“Me too!” She replied happily.

I smiled lightly at her.

“This is just so exciting.” She fell into step alongside me as we walked to the lifts. “Have you thought much about Dasha and Alexander’s dynamic? I mean, I thought the readthrough went great, but I mean, we should have a chat about what’s really going on inside their minds, right?”

“Yeah, um, sure, we can talk about that.” I replied, stepping inside the lift with her.

“Yes, how about tomorrow? And will you be at dinner tonight? Have you ever been to Russia before?”

She was all questions, and they came quickly, pelting me without pause. I pressed the button for the 7th floor. “Tomorrow we have the history tour in the morning, but maybe we can chat in the afternoon. And yes, I’ll be at dinner. And this is my first time in Russia. What about you?”

“Oh, definitely my first. It’s so cold, isn’t it?” She blinked at me.

I blinked back at her for a moment, and then turned towards the closed doors. “You’re from California, aren’t you?” I watched the floor numbers tick up as we ascended.

“Yeah, San Diego. Much prettier there. Snow is gross, and I felt like a frickin’ icicle as soon as I stepped off the plane.”

I nodded absently as the lift doors opened. “Well, I hope you’re able to bear it.”

“Me too.” She sighed still right next to me as we exited into the hallway.

I studied the room number directions on the wall. “Well, I’m this way. I’ll see you at dinner?”

Maureen touched her hand to my arm and met my eyes for a moment. “Yes, we’ll talk at dinner, Aidan.”

I held her gaze as she touched me. She _was_ attractive. I couldn’t deny that. And it was flattering, watching her show interest in me. A small hint of excitement bubbled within me.

When she finally dropped her hand, she grinned and then turned with a flick of her hair and made her way down another hallway. I watched her hips sway as she went, almost as if she were flaunting them for me on purpose. The corner of my mouth turned up in interest, but then Sophie’s face came back to my mind. I blinked and looked at the floor, turning and heading to my own room.

***

Korovabar was a quaint, but modernly outfitted restaurant near our hotel. Production had rented it for the evening so that we could celebrate the kickoff of filming. There were at least thirty of us there, and everyone was already chatting and mingling when I arrived. There was a sort of buzz in the air; the kind of excitement that was always present at the beginning of a project.

St. Petersburg was cold, and white, and dim this time of year. It was the type of atmosphere that made you want to hunker down and hibernate until the sun finally came out again. But the dusky outdoors made the interior of the restaurant that much more inviting. Warm lights and plush seating welcomed us all in with their embrace.

I shrugged off my coat and went directly to the bar, ordering myself a beer. It was velvety and sweet as it went down, warming me up almost immediately. And then I scanned the room, subconsciously searching for a head of blonde. The restaurant was set up buffet-style, with a long table full of all kinds of delicious-looking food.

As I studied the options, George appeared next to me. “Hard to believe how quickly this came together as soon as Sophie was onboard, huh?” He asked, leaning against the bar. He was taller than me, with salt and pepper hair marking his wisdom, along with a handful of thin creases on his face.

I glanced at him and smiled, taking another swig of my beer. “She’s kind of the glue that holds this all together, isn’t she?”

George nodded. “That, and catching this beautiful snowy season in St. Petersburg before it’s gone.” He paused. “And you. Couldn’t move forward without you either. How’s the accent coming along? You sounded great this morning.”

“Glad you think so, because Nikolai doesn’t seem impressed.” I set my jaw.

George waved off the comment. “Eh, I wouldn’t worry about him. He’s great at what he does, but we brought him into this project knowing he has a bit of a reputation.”

I peered at him. “Oh?”

George took a sip of his drink. “He picks favorites…of a certain type…if you know what I mean.” He motioned to both of us and raised an eyebrow. “You and I; we aren’t among the favorites.”

I frowned with distaste, wondering how someone so educated, respected, and well-paid could behave in such an unprofessional manner. But retrospectively, George’s comments made sense as I remembered how friendly Nikolai had been with Sophie from all the way across the room.

George shrugged at my silence. “Like I said, he’s good at what he does though. Just keep up the good work and you won’t need him anymore anyway.”

He shifted his gaze across the room, and I followed it to see Nikoali; head tilted back in laughter. In front of him, sipping a drink and grinning widely, was Sophie. Her blonde hair fell in waves, just touching her shoulders. She wore a simple blue dress that cut at the knees, exposing her smooth ivory legs. Her tiny shoulders were uncovered too, further revealing how underweight she was. It was hard to look at. As much as I’d loved how small she was that night at the club, she looked almost sickly now, apart from her bright brown eyes that still sparkled just as radiantly. I instantly felt for Alexander’s protectiveness. I hoped they’d let her eat more soon.

“How are things with Sophie?” George asked.

I almost jumped, forgetting he was next to me. “Things are just fine. Quite well actually.”

“I’m eager to see the dynamic between the two of you in front of the camera.” He furrowed his brow in deep thought. “There was something really special there in her audition. From your perspective, do you think it’ll still be there once the cameras are rolling?”

I smiled slightly as I watched Sophie catch my eye from across the room. She blinked and looked away quickly. “I have a feeling it just might be.”

“Well, if so, whatever it is, don’t lose it. That beautiful tension between the two of you – it’s the kind of chemistry you can’t make up.”

I nodded as I watched her, playing with the edge of her dress nervously, just as she’d done in the club. “No, you sure can’t.”

We were silent for a moment, and then a production member I didn’t know stepped up to George, asking to speak to him about the lighting on a scene.

George looked at me and I nodded to assure him I didn’t mind. So, he walked away, and I was left alone with my beer, watching Sophie giggle at Nikolai. She was adorable when her nose crinkled like that, but less so when she was looking at him. I was inclined to think that he might be leaving an impression on her, and I felt an interruption was in order.

I downed the rest of my beer, ordered another, and then made my way across the room. I was on suddenly on a mission. I had my eyes set on Sophie, planning my entrance, when someone stepped out in front of me, causing me to jump and halt in surprise.

“Hey you.” It was Maureen, with her bright red lipstick pulled tight in a smile.

“Oh, hi Maureen.” I scratched my head and looked past her towards Sophie.”

“Can you believe how cute this place is?” She gestured around the room. “I didn’t know they had places like this in Russia.”

I blinked at her. “What?”

“Oh you know, I figured it would be all scary and dim and grey.” She shivered.

I pulled my brows together in a half-amused, half-disbelieving smirk. “Uh huh…ok, well, yeah Russia is actually _not_ all mafia and crime, come to find out.” I played along.

She nodded, wide-eyed and eager at my agreement. “I know, right? Who would have thought?”

_Wow_. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything I’d regret as I watched her grin cluelessly back at me.

She looked me up and down slowly. “Well, you clean up well.” She leaned in and nodded her head towards some of the production team, dressed in ill-fitting, cheap suits. “Better than a lot of the other prospects here.”

I was distracted by Sophie over her shoulder again. She was still giggling at Nikolai, who was arguably better-dressed than I was.

My eyes met Maureen’s again, which were the deepest brown, watching mine with interest. I tried to smile. “You know, you don’t clean up too bad yourself.” I didn’t even look at her dress.

She smirked and bit her lip. It should have been enticing, but all it did was remind me of the way Sophie looked when she bit hers too.

I gestured towards Nikolai and Sophie. “I was just headed this way to chat. Would you like to join me?”

Maureen nodded enthusiastically and I guided her gently with my hand at the small of her back as we moved across the room.

When we stopped alongside the two of them, Nikolai noticed the intrusion first, looking up at me with a hint of a glower in his expression. Sophie’s eyes immediately went to my hand on Maureen’s back. I left it there purposefully.

“So, what did you think of the table read?” I asked, smiling at both of them.

Sophie met my eyes and smiled too. “I thought it was great. And I talked to George, he was really happy.”

I nodded, finally dropping my hand from Maureen’s back and shoving it into my pocket. “I talked to him too. I’m glad he’s pleased.”

Nikolai spoke up. “There’s a fair bit of tweaking that still needs attention on the accents. But we’ll have to talk about that on set on Tuesday, Aidan. We’re running out of time.”

I stared pointedly at him for a minute, wishing I could speak my mind, and the foul words I wanted to say to him. But instead, I turned to Maureen. “Are you working on Tuesday?”

“Yeah, we’re starting with a group scene, remember? You, me, Sophie, Brent?” She smiled brightly.

“Oh, that’s right.” I replied, looking at Sophie again.

Nikolai had turned back towards her too, averting his attention away from me. “So, after your history tour tomorrow, you’ll probably be frozen solid. Maybe we can meet by that big fireplace in the lobby of the hotel?”

I watched him and set my jaw, wondering what kind of rendezvous he was setting her up for already.

“Oh, yes that’s right.” She swallowed, shifting her weight nervously. “To work on a few more of those techniques you were telling me about?”

“Yes, I think you’re getting there though.” He smiled. “I’m really impressed.”

“Won’t you be too busy though? I don’t want to take up too much of your time.” She peered at him carefully.

He waved her off. “Oh, it’s not a problem at all. I’ve got plenty of time. I’m glad to help.”

I almost scoffed out loud, but I cleared my throat instead to cover it up. “So, Maureen,” I began, still looking directly at Sophie on purpose. “We’ll chat about characters tomorrow? We could meet in my room?”

I could tell that Sophie almost let her displeased expression get the best of her, but she managed to hold it together. I smirked and finally looked over at Maureen, who was positively beaming at me.

“Oh, I would _love_ to.” She rose up on her toes in excitement.

“Excellent.” I took a long swig of my beer and then glanced back at Sophie, who looked a great deal more irritated than she would ever let on, and Nikolai, who didn’t look like he could care less.

“Well, I’m starving.” I rubbed my stomach and smiled. “I think I’m going to go get something to eat.”

“I’ll come with!” Maureen was eager to continue being my shadow, and Sophie’s knitted brow was enough motivation for me to gladly accept Maureen’s enthusiasm. So, I offered her my elbow, turned towards the buffet, and left a grateful Nikolai and a disgruntled Sophie in our wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get sticky...don't you think?
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	11. Chapter Eleven - Sophie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUICK NOTE: I know that many of you have read The Bronze Horseman now after my recommendation, but to those of you who have not, but still plan to, I warn that there is a small spoiler relating to Dasha in this chapter. There will likely be more as the story progresses, so this is your warning 😉

  


_**SOPHIE** _

“You didn’t tell me he was _that_ cute, Sophie.” Maureen whispered in my ear as we made our way down the snowy streets of St. Petersburg, following a tour guide who looked completely unphased by the cold.

I pulled my coat around my shoulders, watching Aidan’s dark curls bob up and down a few yards ahead of us. “I…well, I didn’t think you cared.” I furrowed my brow at my nonsensical response.

“So, what’s his story? The rumor is you knew him before all this?”

I scoffed. “Barely. I don’t really know his story.” I continued to watch the back of his head. I was fascinated by the way the bits of snow landed loosely in his hair and hung on as he walked.

“Well, is he single? Because if he is, there must be something awfully wrong with him…because…I mean, look at him.” She breathed.

I tore my eyes away from him and glanced at her, expecting to see a trail of drool from her mouth. “Yeah, I think he’s single. And I wouldn’t be surprised if there _are_ a few things wrong with him.” Bitterness laced my voice.

“Excellent.” She licked her lips.

I watched her incredulously for a few seconds, and then she burst out into giggles. “What? It depends on the kind of wrong…”

“Oh my God, Maureen, you’re ridiculous.” I shook my head and laughed, pulling my scarf tighter around my neck and speeding up to catch the rest of the group.

“And this…” The tour guide spoke loudly to all of us. “Is the Bronze Horseman.”

As we turned the corner, we could see an oversized bronze sculpture of a man on a horse, perched on its back legs atop a large stone. I blinked at it in amazement, walking closer and imagining what a real-life Tatiana might have experienced, seeing this statue on her long walks through this city - historical Leningrad - with Alexander.

“Here in Senate Square, this equestrian statue opened to the public in 1782. It was created by the French sculptor [Étienne Maurice Falconet](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%89tienne_Maurice_Falconet), and depicts Peter the Great. It later got its name that comes from an 1833 poem of the same name, by Alexander Pushkin. It is widely considered one of the most significant works in Russian literature.” The tour guide rattled off more facts as we closed in on the statue.

“How much do you wanna bet I could climb that thing?” Aidan was suddenly next to me, gazing up at the monument.

I eyed him with disapproval. “ _Don’t_.”

He laughed. “Yeah, but if I could, do you think I _could_?”

Sizing it up, I considered the prospect. “No. I actually don’t think you could.”

“Awww, ya don’t think?” He squinted at it. “I bet I could climb right up the tail and sit there right behind Peter.”

I smirked. “You’re ridiculous.”

“So, do you say that about everyone?” He shoved his hands into his pockets and kicked a small stone in front of him, leaving a tiny trail in the snow.

I narrowed my eyes. “What do you mean? Who else have I said that to?”

“Just a few moments ago to Maureen.” He looked right at me.

My heart skipped a beat. “You heard that?”

“So, what _do_ you think is wrong with me?” He grinned, squinting up at the statue.

I watched him in silence.

“What?” He shrugged his shoulders. “They were _your_ words.”

“They were _Maureen’s_ words.” I corrected him, stepping away to explore the other side of the horseman. “I was just making conversation.”

“She didn’t seem to have a problem with it like you do. Not the way I heard it.” He followed me quickly.

“Well, she’s clearly dead set on getting your attention. If it’s up to her, I doubt you’ll be so single anymore.” I scoffed.

“Eh, I don’t do relationships.” He replied simply.

I scoffed.

“I _don’t_.” He repeated.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at him. “You don’t do relationships?”

“Nope.” He shrugged. “They’re not for me.”

I blinked at him for a moment and then started walking again. I mentally thanked myself for not going through with that night with him. He was even less appealing than I’d originally thought. I may have judged him for his actions with me, but I didn’t feel so bad anymore. It would have been one thing if he was just looking for a fling in between committed relationships, but clearly, he wasn’t even interested in _anything_ real.

“So, I assume you do?” He was next to me again in a blink.

I took a deep breath and frowned at him. “Yes, Aidan, I _do_ relationship _s_.”

He let out a huff of air. “ _Why_ are you still mad at me?”

I stopped again. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Yes you are. I’m just trying to keep the mood light and make some jokes and you’re acting like I’m gatecrashing a funeral or something.”

“So, the relationship comment was a joke, then?” I peered at him.

He frowned. “No. That was true.”

I slowly began to walk again, rubbing my hands together trying to warm up.

“But like, seriously Sophie. Loosen up a bit. I was just trying to make a joke about the statue. Is this how things are going to be for the next four months? Nothing but bitterness and eye-rolling? Can’t we…hmm, maybe _enjoy_ this project a bit?” His tone was sour.

I closed my eyes, regretfully seeing his perspective. I nodded. “No, yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“We’ve already established a mutual understanding. Now, don’t treat me like I’m gonna suddenly go back on my word.” He paused. “I keep my promises. So let’s be friends, alright?”

I hated to admit it, but he was right. I was still being unnecessarily cold with him, and at this point, it was probably uncalled for. So, feeling guilty for my behavior, I raised an eyebrow at him with amusement instead. “Is that how it works, we just declare our friendship and it magically comes to be?”

He grinned at me. “Isn’t that how it works in primary school?”

I smirked. “I suppose it is.”

“So then it’s settled.” He outstretched his hand to mine.

I placed my gloved one in his, which was surprisingly warm outdoors in the cold. I shivered.

“You must be freezing.” His face became concerned. “I hope they let you eat something substantial soon.”

I laughed lightly. “Eh, at least it won’t be so hard to act like I’m dying.”

“Do you want my coat?” He asked, starting to unbutton it.

I stepped away slightly, remembering the night at the club. “No, I’m fine.”

He nodded and rebuttoned it.

The tour group began to move, and we followed, leaving the Bronze Horseman behind us. I fell alongside Aidan, making sure to check my politeness this time.

“So, with all this…” I gestured at the cold city around us. “Do you feel like Alexander yet?”

Aidan looked around and then smirked. “I don’t know, I think I need that rifle slung over my shoulder before I’ll feel fully immersed.”

I smiled as I watched our footsteps mark the fresh white snow.

“Do you feel like Tatiana?” He asked.

I took a deep breath. “When I look in the mirror, yes. With the blonde hair, especially. And now being here, in this city, with everyone…seeing it come together…”

Before he could respond, the tour guide stopped the group on a large, bustling street. “Everyone, this is Nevsky Prospekt, one of the most traveled roads in Leningrad, and also today in St. Petersburg. During the Leningrad Siege, hundreds of thousands of the population died of starvation, exposure, and disease, sometimes collapsing right here on the street. Weather conditions that winter were much like they are now; bitterly cold, snowy, and dim. But imagine having almost no access to food, firewood, or proper clothing. You’d have likely sold everything you owned for a chunk of dry bread that was probably made 50 percent from sawdust. You may have even become desperate enough to begin eating the wallpaper paste from the walls in your small, cold room.” He paused and let the thought sink in. “These conditions went on for many winter months until nearby Lake Lagoda froze, allowing some food rations to finally be brought into the city, thanks to the Red Army troops which fought to protect the citizens. The entire siege lasted an incredible 872 days, making it one of the costliest and destructive in history.”

We were all silent as he spoke. I looked at the sidewalks around us, filled with bustling citizens, all wrapped in heavy coats with arms full of shopping bags. I imagined a time when the people were more scarce, moving much slower, and pulling their cold, deceased loved ones on sleds through the frozen streets, with no hope in their hearts.

A large red tram pulled up nearby and the tour guide led us in its direction. “As this almost concludes our tour for the morning, we’ll take the tram system back to your hotel. I’ll point out a few more landmarks as we go, but it’s been a pleasure to show you around our beautiful city and share its triumphant, but tragic history. I hope you’ve all learned something valuable that you can take with you as you begin filming.”

We all nodded and stepped onto the tram. There was a heaviness in the air as we realized the enormity of what had happened here. Even though the story we would tell was fiction, there was a lot of truth in those pages.

I sat down by a window and Aidan slid in next to me. He took a deep breath and stared past me out at the old buildings. “Heavy stuff, innit?”

“It puts it all in perspective.” I agreed, blinking at the clean, white snow.

“So, Aidan,” Maureen appeared, sitting down across the aisle. “Still want to meet in your room when we get back to discuss our scenes?”

He glanced at her briefly. “Oh, yeah sure, we’ll do that.”

She grinned at him, and when he looked away, she shifted her gaze to me and widened her eyes in excitement. I smiled lightly and turned back to the window.

“Can you believe what happened here?” She asked Aidan. “I mean, you can get a sense of it from the book, but being here makes it actually feel real.”

“Indeed, it was real.” Aidan replied.

“Brrr…And I can’t believe how cold it is here.” Maureen chattered her teeth.

A pause.

“Do you want my coat?” Aidan’s voice.

I leaned my forehead against the icy window as I felt him shift and pass his coat to her. I closed my eyes, knowing my face was out of sight as I listened to their interactions. Just as easily as she’d accepted his coat, I could have done the same. I’d had the opportunity with him. Multiple times. It’d been delivered to me on a silver platter, but I’d pushed it away. I’d let it go clanking to the ground, loud in its fall and firm in its decision.

_I don’t do relationships_. I remembered his words as I opened my eyes, focusing on an older couple who walked hand-in-hand down the snowy sidewalk. I sat up straighter in my seat, content with my choice again.

After many minutes of painstakingly listening to Aidan and Maureen’s dull conversation, we arrived back at our hotel and all piled out of the tram and into the warmth of the lobby.

“Sophie!” Nikolai found me quickly, striding across the room in my direction with a grin on his face. “I got us both some lunch. It’s over there by the fire so that you can warm up.” He pointed towards a table near the large stone fireplace that was crackling and popping brightly.

I blinked quickly as I pulled my scarf from my neck. “Oh, um, that’s really kind of you. You didn’t have to-”

“Oh, it’s no problem.” He smiled. “I was sure you’d want to warm up as quickly as possible, so I took the liberty to prepare everything.”

“Well, um…” I cleared my throat and returned a pleasant expression. “That was really thoughtful, thank you.”

I turned my head slightly to look at Aidan, who was watching our interaction while Maureen stood next to him, hugging his coat around her shoulders. He smiled at me and then took her arm, turning and leading her towards the elevators.

I looked at Nikolai again. He was beaming at me patiently, and so I followed him to his table and removed my coat.

The roaring fire _was_ warm and inviting after our cold walk, and I leaned into the heat as we sat down.

“It’s just a salad.” Nikolai pointed at the container in front of me. “I know you’re not supposed to eat much.”

I smiled and nodded as my stomach growled. “Yes, that’s perfect, thank you.”

“How did you like the tour?” He asked, opening up his own bag and pulling out a hearty turkey sandwich.

I eyed his meal hungrily and took a deep breath. “It was very educational…and heart-wrenching. It’s amazing what this city went through.”

“It’s a rich but tragic history.” He agreed, taking a bite. “My grandfather survived it.”

“Did he really?” I slowly opened my plastic container with my cold, numb fingers.

“He ate the sawdust bread and everything.” He added.

I began to toss my salad with my fork, thinking of those who had starved to death in this very city so many years ago. “That’s terrible.”

“It was worse for his parents…my great grandparents.” He set down his sandwich and paused. “They weren’t strong enough.”

I watched him with sad eyes.

“They died in their sleep…holding hands in bed. My grandfather found them the next morning, almost frozen together.”

I barely knew what to say. I placed my fork on the table. I wasn’t hungry anymore. “I’m so sorry.”

He smiled gently. “It is was it is. They had a beautiful relationship though, the two of them. My grandfather had some great stories. I hope to have something that special someday.”

I was lost in his clear blue eyes for a moment as we stared at each other. I smiled too, admiring his ability to be so transparent and sweet.

He eventually blinked and pulled out his notebook. “Well, shall we talk about your lines for tomorrow’s scenes?”

I nodded and picked up my fork again, feeling a little warmer, for both the fire and for Nikolai’s company.

***

The snow fell heavily the next morning as we shot the very first scenes on an older portion of Nevsky Prospekt. The street was blocked about a quarter of a mile each direction, and dozens of extras were dressed in tattered coats and blankets at their first marks, waiting for the call.

Maureen, Brent, Aidan, and I were bundled up too, preparing to film the first scene where we’d be walking through the snow with our rations of saw dust bread, soybeans and oil in our arms.

Brent and Aidan wore their army uniforms and caps, with prop guns slung over their shoulders. Aidan looked taller now with his boots and long coat. There was a confidence in his stance as he strolled about, reciting his lines. It was my first time seeing him as Alexander, and he was exactly as I’d imagined. Maureen and I tightened our scarves around our faces. It was as cold as I’d imagined too. After just a few minutes, I couldn’t feel my fingers.

It was a simple scene to begin the day with. There weren’t many lines, as our characters were quiet and slowly sinking into starvation. Aidan spent most of his time between takes chatting with Maureen, and at first, I thought she was initiating all of their jokes and laughs, but every once in a while, he touched her shoulder or grinned at her with a twinkle in his eye. I tried to ignore it.

We walked through the snow for five takes before George was happy, and then we were dismissed to a nearby building to warm up.

Once inside, Aidan sat down across from me at a small table while we sipped hot coffee. “Well, the weather is unfortunately cooperating today, innit?” He shivered was he warmed his hands on his cup.

I grinned and let the warm liquid soothe me from the inside. “Truly authentic.” My fingers were beginning to thaw. “So, the day is finally here, is the gun as magical is you’d hoped?”

Aidan sighed and looked longingly across the room, where a production member held his and Brent’s rifles. “They only let me hold it during the takes.”

I laughed.

Aidan turned to me and smiled one of his crinkle-eyed smiles. “But yes, makes me feel kind of powerful for once.”

I eyed him quizzically, confused by his meaning. “More powerful _for once_?”

But Nikolai appeared in my field of vision before Aidan could respond. He sat down next to Aidan and smiled at me. It was the first time I’d seen him this morning. He hadn’t been on set earlier. He wore just a light jacket. “Cold yet?” He winked at me.

Smirking, I took another sip and nodded towards his outfit. “I’m amazed. How in the world are you staying warm in that lightweight thing?”

He shrugged. “It’s actually not that bad today. I don’t really feel the cold.”

“Yeah…” Aidan murmured into his coffee cup. “Because you haven’t been outside for hours.”

“Sorry, what was that?” Nikolai glanced at him with interest.

“It’s nothing.” Aidan mumbled and looked out the window.

Nikolai furrowed his brow and turned back to me. “Anyway, I was going to say I’m not surprised you’re having trouble staying warm. You’re a delicate little thing, and you’re from a much warmer climate. You have to be a local to truly appreciate this weather. We’ve been hardened by it. It’s in our blood.”

Aidan scratched his head and ran his hand down his face. It seemed like he was attempting to keep his mouth shut, and about to fail miserably.

I focused on Nikolai. “Well, it’s impressive. I don’t know how you stand it.”

He sat up tall and smiled. “Oh, there are a few tricks too. Keep the heart rate up, wear lots of wool...” He paused. “And you know what else the locals swear by?”

I watched him with interest.

He grinned, and a playfulness touched his eyes. “Mutual body heat does wonders.”

Aidan scoffed.

“Oh really?” I eyed Nikolai with curiosity, ignoring Aidan.

“Yeah, it’s no fun being cold alone.” He winked and laughed at his joke.

“I think you’re probably right on that one.” I chuckled, taking another sip of my coffee.

Aidan had shifted in his seat and was beginning to stand up when someone called Nikolai from across the room.

“Sorry, Sophie.” Nikoalai smiled at me. “I’ll catch you later today?”

I nodded and grinned. “See you later.”

Once he’d left, Aidan scooted over so that he was directly across from me. He eyed me with disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?”

I sat back and frowned. “What?”

“That guy? Really?” He shook his head.

“Excuse me?” I blinked at him. “What are you talking about?”

Aidan drank the last bit of his coffee and laughed dryly. “Good luck.” And then he stood up and pulled his coat tighter around him, looking out the window. “Come on, they’re calling us to set.”

I hesitated before standing up too. “Seriously, what are you talking about, though?”

He glanced at me and laughed. “Nevermind, come on, bundle up, or else your only choice will be to use Nikolai’s body heat out there.”

I opened my mouth to retort, but he’d already turned and was making his way to the door ahead of me.

Who did he think he was, assuming I had feelings for Nikolai? I let out a huff of air in frustration as I followed him. He was wrong. I certainly didn’t, and I certainly didn’t have plans to fall for a coworker after the ordeal I’d experienced with Aidan.

And even if I did, what right did he have to tell me who I could and couldn’t have feelings for? It was absolutely none of his business.

I furrowed my brow and looked down at my feet as I walked. Nikolai wasn’t that bad anyway, was he? Aidan was being ridiculous. I paused my thoughts and scoffed at my own use of the word _ridiculous_ after Aidan had made fun of me for it. But then I shook my head. No, Aidan _was_ being ridiculous. Nikolai was a perfect gentleman. He’d been quite professional with me so far. In comparison, I couldn’t say same statement about the way Aidan had been acting with Maureen.

But once outside, my thoughts were forced to focus on our next scene. One of the buildings was set to look like the gates to the Army Barracks. An actor named Joe was in uniform, playing a Corporal who guarded the gate, and Tatiana was arriving to find Alexander. She was cold, starving, and worried about her sister.

When the take began, I hugged my coat around me as I trudged slowly through the snow. Strands of my blonde hair blew in the wind as I squinted in front of me, coming to stop at the gate.

“I’m looking for Captain Belov. Is he here?” I recited my lines, asking for Alexander.

“Belov?” Joe replied. “Yes, he’s here. But I don’t have anyone to go and fetch him.”

“Please.” I winced into the cold. “Please. There was no bread today, and my sister is-”

“What do you think, the captain has bread for you?” He scoffed. “He doesn’t have any bread. Get out of here.”

“My sister is his fiancée.” I grimaced, thinking about Dasha and Alexander’s relationship. He’d agreed to marry Dasha, because Tatiana wouldn’t let him break her heart.

“That’s very good.” He said. “Why don’t you tell me the rest of your life story?”

I peered at him for a moment as Tatiana. “What is your name?”

“Corporal Kristoff. _Corporal.”_

“That’s very good Corporal. I know you can’t leave your post.” I shivered. “Can you please let me go and see the captain?”

“Let you go on base? You are crazy.” He laughed.

“Yes.” I grasped the gate as if I were about to sink to the ground at any moment from exhaustion. “Yes, I am crazy. But look at me. I’m not asking you to give me food out of your mouth. I’m not even asking you to move if you don’t want to. All I’m asking you to do is let me see Captain Belov. Please help me in this small way. I’m not asking too much, am I?”

“Listen, girlie.” Joe took the rifle off his shoulder. “I’m done talking to you. You better move on out of here. You get what I’m saying?”

I leaned my head against the gate, acting if I were about to pass out. “Corporal Kristoff, I will wait right here. Sergeant Petrenko, Lieutenant Marazov, Colonel Stepanov---they all know me. Go on and tell them you are turning away Captain Belov’s dying fiancée’s sister.”

“Are you threatening me?” He asked, raising his weapon.

“Corporal!” Another actor in uniform stepped on set. “What’s going on here?”

“Just telling this girl to get the hell out of here, Sir.”

The new officer looked at me kindly. “Who are you here for?”

“Captain Belov, Sir.” I replied.

He turned to Kristoff. “Captain Belov is upstairs. Have you called him?”

“No Sir.”

He let out a sigh, opening the gate and pulling me through. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

“CUT.” George said from nearby. “Excellent, excellent. Let’s run it again.”

We ran the scene twice more before moving to the next, which came chronologically in the story. At this point, Tatiana was sitting on the ground next to the gate, having given up on standing.

I sunk my chin into my scarf and closed my eyes, welcoming the cold she was feeling as the scene began.

Aidan, as Alexander, walked up to me quickly. “Tatia? What’s happened?”

I stared out at the snow. “Dasha can’t get up. There was no bread at the store.”

“Come.” He said gently, extending his hand to me. I took it, but I’d been instructed that Tatiana couldn’t stand on her own, so Aidan took hold of both of my arms and pulled me up. “You’ve walked too far.” He said quietly. “Here, I have some bread for you.” He pulled a hunk of black bread from his pocket.

As the script instructed, at that point Tatiana lost her footing and started to slide to the ground. I stumbled and fell into Aidan’s chest.

“My God, Tatia.” Aidan said, holding me tighter to him.

“I’ll be all right.” I mumbled through chattering teeth. “Don’t worry.”

“Wait here.” Aidan replied, sitting me down on a bench.

“And, CUT.” George called. “That was great, let’s run it once more.”

We reset the shot. I continued to shiver, but after the second run George was happy. “Ok, let’s set for the next one. Do we have the sled for Sophie?”

I hugged myself tightly as I stood, waiting for the cameras and crew to prepare the next take. Aidan came to stand next to me, blowing his breath into his hands to stay warm. “I’ve been waiting for this scene.” He grinned.

I eyed him curiously. “To pull me in the sled?”

He laughed. “No, I get to punch Joe in the face.”

“Ohhh…” I laughed, feeling slightly embarrassed by my misunderstanding. “Have you practiced it?”

“’Bout to.” He replied, stepping away from me and meeting up with Joe and George.

They began rehearsing the timed actions to make it look as realistic as possible. Aidan appeared to be having a blast, swinging his fist skillfully through the air, right past Joe’s face. I caught myself staring at one point, watching the bulk of his shoulder tense as he plowed his fist forward. I remembered his comment when we were inside about not often feeling very powerful. I didn’t quite know what he meant, but I wondered if he’d ever punched someone for real before.

“He’s got a nice right hook.” Nikolai was next to me, watching the action.

I jumped slightly at his presence and then looked at his thin coat. “Seriously, _how_ are you not cold?”

“I’m just not.” He shrugged, laughing.

Aidan and Joe stepped away from each other, and Aidan straightened his coat, breathing heavily and glancing at Nikolai and I.

“Did you hear about the Christmas party next week?” Nikolai asked me.

“Yeah, will you be there?” I looked up at him.

“Definitely.” He smiled. “I think I’ll be a lot of fun.”

Aidan was close enough to hear now, walking towards us. “I’m sure it’ll be a great time, mate. Hey, Sophie, ready for the next take?” He gestured for me to follow him, never looking at Nikolai.

I nodded and tailed behind him, smiling at Nikolai once more before I moved in front of the cameras and prepared myself.

“And…ACTION.”

Aidan came to the gate pulling a red sled behind him. “Come. I’ll take you home.” He said gently, wrapping his arm around me and lowering me into the sled. “You won’t have to do anything. I’ll do everything. You just sit.”

I got into the sled and slowly slumped over onto my side, acting as if I were completely at the mercy of the cold and starvation that Tatiana was facing.

Aidan pulled me through the snow with ease towards Joe.

Joe looked down at me and then fearfully at Aidan. “I’m very sorry about before…”

Aidan opened his mouth to speak, but I reached up and pulled on his sleeve. Tatiana didn’t want Alexander to cause any trouble. He shook his arm so that I’d let go, and then he closed his mouth, clenched his fist and swung directly at Joe, missing him by barely an inch, just as they’d practiced.

Joe went stumbling backwards, clutching his face.

“I’ll be back in two hours, Corporal. And then I’ll deal with you.” Aidan said through gritted teeth.

“CUT.”

We ran the scene three more times. Each take, I watched Aidan swing his arm towards Joe in a controlled, but terribly harsh manner. Alexander was doing it for Tatiana. His love for her was so strong, and his fear for her wellbeing was so immense that his anger boiled up until he had no choice but to let it out. It was something I admired about Alexander’s character. He was quick to stand up to anyone who threatened her.

Eventually we moved on to filming the silent, moody shots of Alexander pulling Tatiana through the streets on the little red sled. His boots crunched in powdery white snow as I laid on the cold, hard, painted wood. His coat billowed around him as he went, and I gazed up at him through Tatiana’s exhausted eyes, picturing his swing at Joe, and wondering if Aidan had ever stood up for a woman he cared for as much as Alexander did for Tatiana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe it's almost Christmas? A year ago yesterday, I posted the very first chapter of Brace For Impact. It's crazy that a year has passed already!
> 
> With the holidays coming up, I have a busy schedule, so I'm going to take a short break from this story until after the new year. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you all get to spend some time with family and friends this season, despite the pandemic. ❤
> 
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	12. Chapter Twelve - Aidan

  


_**AIDAN** _

_Heather spun in circles in front of me, showing off her new white sundress as it billowed feather-light around her._

_“Do you like it?” She asked, tucking a strand of her dark brown hair behind her ear as she checked herself in the mirror._

_“It’s beautiful.” I beamed at her from my spot on the bed. I watched her bright smile increase as she twirled again._

_“I think I’ll wear it tonight.” She looked down, smoothing out the fabric without looking at me._

_“Well, I guess I should get myself read too, then.” I stretched and climbed out of bed to make my way to the closet._

_I padded past her, but she grabbed my hand first. “Come with me.” Her eyes met mine this time, with just one finger extended in a request for me to follow._

_I observed her, questioning her meaning, but she began to pull me towards the door before I could ask. She grinned at me like she was hiding a surprise, and my legs moved me forward, stepping with her as she retreated._

_When she pushed open the door to my bedroom, a long hallway was revealed, like one from a hotel. It was out of place, but I didn’t give it a second thought, letting her guide me across the burgundy and gold carpet down the doorless corridor._

_She wasn’t watching me anymore. She was focused ahead towards the end of the hallway, and when I looked over her shoulder, I saw where we were headed. At the very end of the long passage was a single mahogany door with an old brass handle._

_We walked for a few steps. I didn’t understand at all. We walked a few more. Heather turned her head just enough so that I could see her profile._

_“Chase me.” She giggled._

_And then she slipped her hand out of mine and began to run. Her white dress billowed out behind her, much like it’d done when she’d spun. I hesitated for just a second before grinning and picking up my feet to match her pace, racing her down the hallway._

_She was all laughter and playfulness as she got to the door first, flinging it open and disappearing behind it as it closed. I chuckled as I grabbed the handle and swung it open too, expecting to see her just on the other side. But it was just another hallway, even longer than the first, with another single door at the end. Heather was already halfway down the hall, giggling as she ran._

_I watched her quizzically for a split second before I dashed through the door and picked up my own pace to catch her._

_But she was still faster. The same scenario played itself out as I almost grasped her hand before the next door. But just like before, she darted through without me, and then I was left to cross through alone, only to find her halfway down the next corridor again._

_“Heather!” I called out to her, hoping she’d give me a chance to reach her finally._

_“Catch me!” She giggled over her shoulder as she opened the next door._

_Hallway after hallway, we raced forward. Each time, I almost caught her, but with each new door, she grew further from my reach again, and I began to panic, wondering where she was taking me and why she was so eager stay out of reach._

_I almost yelled her name again, but finally, I flew through a door to find a different setting._

_It was a large ballroom lit with candles and intricate gold accents adorning the walls. The floor was a cool grey marble, reflecting the flickering light from the flames. My eyes moved slowly across it, taking in its expansiveness, until they met the center of the room, where stood a couple, locked in an embrace._

_I squinted ahead as I walked quietly forward, trying to make out their identities. He was tall. He wore a suit. His arms wrapped around her waist as they kissed. She was small. She wore a white sundress._

_I froze. It was Heather’s dress. I furrowed my brow. But it wasn’t Heather. There was something different. I stepped closer, peering at them carefully. It was as if there was a fog in the room, preventing me from seeing who they really were. Her hands traveled up along his arms and to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. His hands traced down her hips and across her curves, fingers digging into the soft white fabric of her dress._

_When I was finally near enough, I blinked and swallowed nervously, hoping that maybe it wasn’t her. Maybe she was still waiting for me to chase her. Maybe she’d disappeared through to another passage._

_And then I noticed her hair. It was blonde. It had just the trace of a wave. It touched on a memory, but not a memory of Heather._

_They broke the kiss and she turned to me. It was an agonizingly slow reveal of her identity as she tucked her hair gently behind her ear and met my gaze. Her big brown eyes stared apologetically up into mine._

_It was Sophie._

_“I’m sorry…” She whispered._

_Numbness overcame me. It was a sensation I remembered. It was a sensation that had robbed me of my ability to truly_ feel _. It was there again, so clear and recognizable._

_And then I tore my eyes away from her and looked up at him. His eyes, the color of a mildly cloudy sky, all bright and dim at the same time._

_Nikolai._

My eyes flew open and I sat up straight in bed, breathing heavily. I looked around at my familiar hotel room and wiped my hand across my slightly damp forehead.

 _What was that?_ I thought to myself, looking at the clock. It was 4 in the afternoon. I’d simply laid down for a quick nap, but I’d never dreamed so deeply during a short stretch of sleep like that. _And_ , about Sophie.

I shook my head and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath and trying to clear my mind. I hadn’t thought about Heather consciously in _weeks_. This project had given my mind somewhere else to go, far away from her. And even then, it wasn’t Heather herself who plagued my mind when the depression and anger set it. It was her _actions_. It was the way she’d torn my heart to pieces. It was the trauma I felt deep inside. It was the fear that it might someday happen again.

So then why was Sophie there? And why Nikolai?

I stood up from the bed and straightened the sheets, trying to distract myself from further dissecting my dream. Surely, since I’d seen them both every day for the last few weeks, that was clearly the explanation for their random appearance.

Tonight was the Christmas party. It was set to be a formal, elegant event, much to the dismay of many cast and crew who wished for a simple, casual get-together. But production had planned an upscale evening at a fancy hotel venue down the street, and with all the free food and drinks up for grabs, none of us had much reason to complain. It was our last big group event before we all had a week off for the holiday. I’d head home to Dublin to be with my family, and then we’d all pick back up on production in California just before the new year.

I showered and got dressed, clearing my mind as much as I could in the short time I had before the party. I’d packed one grey suit, and I chose a green tie to finish the look. I studied myself in the mirror and straightened out my collar. I felt exceptionally overdressed, but I sighed and grabbed my overcoat before heading downstairs and out onto the street to walk to the event. The venue was just two blocks away, but the temperatures were quickly becoming frigid, and the air smelled like impending snow. I pulled my coat tighter around me.

When I arrived, the grand lobby of the hotel was decorated impressively for the season. There were three enormous Christmas trees adorned with tiny sparkling lights and shiny ornaments. To my right was a large central fireplace roaring with flames, sending a comforting warmth through the room, and soft instrumental Christmas tunes played in the background.

I strolled slowly towards the trees where the few other early arrivals stood chatting. Brent was there, and he spotted me right away, smiling and encouraging me to join.

“Aidan, great to see you.” He patted me on the back. “Welcome to the Christmas Ball.”

The others around him laughed, but I raised an eyebrow. “The _Christmas Ball?”_

He gestured around the room. “It might as well be. It’s outrageously overdone.”

I looked around at the twinkling lights and the dozens of round tables set with fancy dinnerware. “Yeah, it’s a bit over the top, eh?”

“The girls are all excited about it though.” Brent laughed. “Maureen’s been getting ready since noon.”

I nodded and laughed sarcastically. “I wouldn’t expect any less from her.”

A server came around with a tray of champagne in tall crystal glasses. I took one and sipped it, looking around the room to see who else had arrived.

When I saw no one of interest, I shifted my gaze back to Brent. “So, are you back to England for the holiday?”

He nodded. “Back to visit my family and my girl. She kinda can’t wait to get me home.” He laughed.

“Oh, that’s great. I didn’t realize you had a girlfriend.” I nodded my head too, trying to sound interested.

“Yeah, we’re going on three years now. Thinking it’s about time to pop the question before she starts to think I’m afraid of commitment.” He laughed.

I took a sip of my drink and smiled. “ _Are_ you?”

He shook his head and laughed again. “Not at all. I love her more than anything. I’m ready. Just wanted to get my finances straight before tying the knot. Want to make sure she feels secure. But when you know, you know, right?”

I pursed my lips and nodded like I understood.

“What about you?” He nudged my shoulder. “Anyone waiting for you back home?”

I downed the rest of my champagne and shook my head. “Nope, it’s just me.”

Brent nodded his head towards the doors and grinned. “I know someone who could remedy that.”

I turned to look quickly, nervous anxiety suddenly coursing through me, but regretfully, the face I saw didn’t give me the reaction I’d been anticipating.

It was Maureen. She wore a long, emerald green dress, and her dark curls were piled atop her head as she made a b-line towards me.

“Aidan!” She beamed. Her heels tapped loudly on the marble floor as she approached. “You look…” She eyed me up and down slowly, sucking in a breath of air.

“You look lovely, Maureen.” I smiled at her.

She grinned and looked down at her dress. “I ordered it special for tonight. I spent an arm and a leg on it.” She laughed.

“Ah.” I answered half-heartedly, looking past her shoulder at the empty doorway.

“Wow, look at this place…” She breathed, taking a glass of champagne for herself and gazing around the room. “It’s like a fairytale.”

Bret spoke up. “Maureen, where’s Sophie?”

I focused on her again, awaiting her response.

“She said she’ll be a little late. Nikolai was running lines with her.”

I sighed lightly and looked towards the tables. “Should we go find a seat?”

“Oh, yes, I’m starving…” She held her stomach. “We can save spots for them.”

We found a table set for five. Maureen didn’t close her mouth for even a second. “So, let me tell you what an absolute struggle it was to get this dress.” She made a face.

I’d positioned myself in a chair that faced the door, but even though I couldn’t keep my eyes solely on Maureen, I tried my best to listen.

“First of all, they were originally out of the green…and I told the associate, ‘no, that will just not do.’” She sighed. “Because, this is a Christmas party, I wasn’t going to wear the pink one to a Christmas party.”

She paused and I looked at her to see that she was waiting for my reaction. I blinked and nodded. “Oh yes, pink…of course not for a Christmas party.”

“Right?” She shook her head. “So I called like three other stores, asking around, and _none_ of them had green. _None_. Can you believe it? So then I’m on the phone with the corporate office, and…”

I didn’t hear the rest of her sentence, because finally, across the room entering through the door was Sophie. She was shrugging off her coat and handing it to Nikolai. But I barely saw him. My gaze was locked on her like a magnet. She wore a floor-length wine-red velvet dress, with cropped sleeves that sat off her shoulders. The fabric was smooth and hugged her curves all the way down to her toes. Her long lashes blinked slowly and her blonde hair was pulled up in soft waves at her neck.

I swallowed silently.

She straightened her dress and brushed the flakes of snow from her hair as she made her way towards the tables with Nikolai at her side.

Maureen waved her hand in their direction. “Sophie! We saved you both a seat.”

She smiled as she met my eyes briefly before sitting down across the table.

Nikolai politely pulled her chair out for her. “It’s gonna blizzard tonight, for sure.” He smiled. “Already starting to accumulate out there.”

Maureen shivered. “Oh dear, I think I’m just about done with the snow.”

“You’ll be back in California soon, Maureen.” Nikolai winked at her as he took his first swig of champagne.

“Yes, I _need_ some sun.” She closed her eyes briefly and then looked at Sophie. “I’m jealous you’ll get to shoot outside too for the river scenes.” She turned to me. “And you too, Aidan. Oh how I wish Dasha was in those scenes.”

I bit back a smirk. “I bet Dasha _doesn’t_ wish she were in those scenes.”

Sophie glanced up at me, but looked away quickly when I caught her gaze with a smirk. The scenes at the lake were meant to take place during the summer near the Kama River, were Tatiana and Alexander’s first months together as a married couple. Surely, Tatiana’s sister Dasha wouldn’t have wanted to be around for _that_.

Maureen playfully pushed my shoulder. “Oh, you know what I mean, Aidan.” She laughed. “I just want to be outside where it’s warm.”

Lake Nacimiento, a few hours north of Los Angeles, would be our third filming location. In March, the real Kama river in Russia would still be too cold, so production had scouted out a warmer location in California with similar scenery. And after that, we’d all return to St. Petersburg for the final leg of the project, where we’d shoot the summer scenes in the streets and parks of downtown.

Nikolai reached for his second drink. “Do they have anything other than this weak champagne?”

Sophie pointed across the room. “I think there’s an open bar over there.”

“Ah, now that’s what I’m talking about.” He downed his champagne and left the table.

Maureen turned to me again like she was going to continue her green dress story, but I quickly looked towards Sophie and cleared my throat. “Sophie, will you see Mia over Christmas?”

Her eyes lit up. “Yes, actually. We’ll both be home for the holiday.”

“Has she kept in touch with Drew?”

She rolled her eyes. “What do you think?” She paused. “Have _you_ kept in touch with Drew?”

I smirked as I took another sip of champagne. “Absolutely not.”

“Who’s Dew?” Maureen interjected.

“Drew Landers.” Sophie answered, running her finger around the base of her own glass.

“Oh my God, you guys know Drew Landers?” Maureen sat forward with interest.

“Hardly.” Sophie scoffed.

“What’s he like?”

“Duller than you’d think.” I grinned at Sophie.

She smirked and shook her head.

Brent chuckled.

“Is that when the two of _you_ met?” Maureen asked. “When you met Drew?”

“Yep, at a party in Malibu.” I answered simply and cleared my throat.

Nikolai returned and sat down with a glass of beer. “Ok, I’m ready to have some fun now. What are we talking about?”

“Drew Landers.” I spoke up before Maureen could continue on the topic of Malibu.

Nikolai scrunched his nose. “I haven’t worked with him, but I’ve heard he’s an ass.”

I raised an eyebrow. It takes one to know one.

“Aw, don’t say that.” Maureen frowned at him. “I’m sure he’s not all that bad.”

Five servers arrived at our table at once, halting our conversation as they placed a bowl of soup in front of each of us. I nodded at my server and looked down at the bowl. Inside was a rich, red broth with lots of vegetables and a dollop of garnished sour cream at the center.

“Ok, so this is Borscht.” Nikolai picked up his spoon as he watched us inspect our soup. “It’s a classic first course for a Russian meal. It’s beetroot soup, made with beef, cabbage, potatoes, carrots, and of course, beets. It’s absolutely delicious.”

I took a tentative bite of the bright red liquid, and quickly found out that he was right. I glanced up to see that Sophie, Brent and Maureen were enjoying theirs too.

“This is fantastic.” Brent licked his lips, draining his bowl quickly.

“My grandfather actually used to make this for us all the time. The recipe was passed down from his mother.” Nikolai explained.

Sophie looked up at him. “Was that your great grandparents who died in the war?”

Nikolai nodded and smiled. “It was.”

“That’s wonderful that they could hand down the tradition before they passed.” She smiled warmly back at him.

“How did they die?” Maureen asked.

Nikolai set down his spoon and his face became serious. “It was the cold and the starvation in the dead of winter the year of the Siege. They loved each other so much, they laid down one night together in their bed, fell asleep, and never woke up…”

Maureen brought her hand to her mouth. “Oh my…”

Sophie looked at her and blinked with an agreeing expression of sadness. “I know, isn’t it the sweetest thing? And they were holding hands too, right Nikolai?” She glanced at him for confirmation.

I furrowed my brow slightly, watching the strange exchange.

“That’s correct.” Nikolai sighed. “They went peacefully together. Never had to live a day apart.”

I looked at Brent, who was watching quizzically too.

Sophie and Maureen both rested their chins on their palms, watching Nikolai sympathetically.

“What a wonderful way to go.” Maureen sighed.

He took another bite of his soup and nodded. “I can only hope to be so lucky too.”

I blinked and shook my head, turning to Brent to change the subject. “So, do you have a ring yet, mate?”

“Oh my God, you’re _proposing_???” Maureen’s eyes were wide and eager as she leaned in towards him.

Brent laughed. “Yeah, hopefully soon.”

Dinner continued with a main course of Chicken Keiv, broccoli, and potatoes. We all ate and chatted while Nikolai downed another three beers, beginning to slur his speech more and more. Sophie and Maureen continued to ask him about his heritage, and Brent and I continued to try and shift the topics elsewhere. I’d heard quite enough about Nikolai for the evening.

As we were finishing our dinner, the servers began wheeling a giant table full of sweets to the center of the room. There was chocolate cake, crème brulee, crepes, macarons, and countless other delicious-looking morsels towered artistically on the table.

“Oh my Godddd…” Maureen’s mouth dropped open. “Now, this is what _I_ need.”

I peered at Sophie and noticed that her eyes were wide with longing as she stared at the table too.

Nikolai patted her on the back. “Don’t look at, Sophie. Don’t torture yourself.”

She sighed lightly as she tore her eyes away from the sweets and back to her plate. “No, you’re right. This is plenty for me.” She stabbed a piece of broccoli with her fork and stared at it for a few seconds before putting it in her mouth without enthusiasm.

Maureen stood up next to me. “Aidan, can I get you anything?”

I shook my head, watching Sophie. “Maybe a bit later.”

Nikolai raised his hand. “Can you bring me back a crème brulee?”

She smiled at him and nodded. Brent stood up too. “I’ll come with you.” They both retreated towards the dessert table.

Nikolai downed the rest of his fifth beer and signaled to the server for another. Now that the meal was finished, the music in the room grew a bit louder and more upbeat. A few people stood up from their tables and began to dance in the wide-open space in front of the Christmas trees. They laughed and spun each other around to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas.”

I raised an eyebrow and laughed at their confidence. “So, this _ball_ has turned into a dance party then?”

Sophie smirked. “You don’t like to dance, Aidan?”

I peered at her, shrugged, and shifted anxiously in my chair. The truth was that I actually _loved_ to dance. I’d spent most of my teenage years competing in various forms of ballroom dancing. But I didn’t usually like to divulge that detail of my life.

“Preferably not with my coworkers.” I replied.

Nikolai laughed without humor. “Oh give it up, man. Loosen up. It’s just a bit of fun.” He turned to Sophie and nodded towards the dance floor. “Sophie, do you want to give it ago?”

She blinked at him, and then at me, and then back at him again. He took another swig of beer as he waited for her response. And then she inhaled a breath and nodded. “Yeah, let me just use the restroom first. And then we’ll dance.”

She got up from the table and smiled at him before she left. When she was out of earshot, Nikolai smiled lazily and turned to me with a buzzed grin. “See, Turner, it’s not that hard.”

I furrowed my brow like I didn’t understand his meaning.

He leaned across the table and winked at me. “Just give ‘em a sappy little story and they’re all over you.”

I cocked my head. “What _are_ you talking about?”

He licked his lips and smirked deviously. “Do you _really_ think my great grandparents died peacefully holding hands in bed during the war?” He wiped his mouth and took another drink. “He died on the battlefield and she froze to death at her sewing machine. They hated each other. But girls tend to go for the sappy version.”

I stared at him without blinking. My eyes narrowed slightly.

Nikolai straightened his jacket and sat up straight. “Now she thinks I’m a sentimental romantic, and I’ve got her locked in.” He tapped his right temple. “It’s all in their head. Give it a try.”

I sucked in a quiet, disbelieving breath and turned back to my plate. I didn’t even have a dignified answer to give him. Not a word. He wasn’t worth the effort. But, a punch; that’s what I would have liked to give him. Right in the nose. Right where it hurt most. However, Maureen returned to the table before I had the chance to think any more on it.

“Aidan, did you see they are dancing?” She asked me as she sat down. She stared longingly at the group of the dozen or so people who were spinning and swinging around the floor.

Ignoring her question, I looked at her dessert plate. “So, what did you get?”

“Cheesecake.” She replied absently, still staring at the dancers.

The song ended just as Sophie returned from the toilets. The next one that began to play was much slower; “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay. Internally, I scoffed at the choice, wondering who would want to slow dance with their coworkers. Were they _trying_ to make us uncomfortable? But without hesitation, Nikolai stood up and extended his hand to Sophie with a smile. She smiled back at him and took his hand without a second thought, letting him lead her away from our table.

“Oh, Aidan…” Maureen touched my arm. “Can’t we please dance too? I would hate to miss out.”

I scratched the stubble on my cheek and took a deep breath. For a moment, I watched her pitiful and pleading eyes, seriously considering rejecting her offer. But reluctantly, I stood up too and took her hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

She eagerly followed as I led her to the dance floor, where I turned with her hand in mine and took her waist with the other as we began to dance. She was just a few inches shorter than me, and her cheek rested almost against mine as we swayed to the beat. Maureen’s hand was firm on my back, holding me close to her as we slowly rotated. As reluctant as I’d been, I eventually closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of a beautiful woman in my arms, letting me lead her in our dance. It was something I didn’t do often anymore at all, and I was easily reminded how much I missed it.

I opened my eyes as we moved and my view changed, and eventually I caught sight of Sophie and Nikolai. They chatted happily as they rotated too, but he still had a drink in his hand, and his feet moved lazily across the floor. He almost stepped on her a few times, and they both reacted with laughter. I grimaced and looked away. He couldn’t even _lead_ right.

“Aidan, what’s your favorite Christmas song?” Maureen asked next to my ear.

I cleared my throat. “Hmm, I don’t think I have a favorite. What’s yours?”

“Probably that quirky little one… ‘Baby it’s Cold Outside.’ It’s so romantic, don’t you think?”

“The one where she desperately wants to leave, but he’s begging her to stay?” I laughed. “Yeah, that one’s alright, I guess.”

She pushed my shoulder. “ _No_ , I think she really wanted to stay too.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I chuckled as I watched Sophie and Nikolai dance. She was keeping a fair distance, but she looked up at him with a grin, and her eyes crinkled with laughter a few times. It certainly seemed like his tactics were working on her.

As many times as she came into my view, she never made eye contact with me. Not once. She only had eyes for him.

Finally, the song ended, and another upbeat tune began. Nikolai darted away for another drink and Sophie joined us with a smile. “Well, this is fun, isn’t it?”

Maureen still had her hand on my arm even after we’d parted. “Seriously, this is great! I haven’t danced in so long.”

The two of them began to sway and step to the beat of the new song, and I had to actively pull my eyes away from Sophie. She moved her hips to the rhythm in such a carefree, relaxed way, and I was too enticed by her to trust my own gaze. I wouldn’t have expected to see her so comfortable with herself, but she was clearly in her element. And the way she moved did things to me I didn’t want to admit.

“Come on, Aidan.” She laughed. “Don’t stand there like a statue.”

I bit my lip, holding back a smirk as I turned to her. “Oh, I can be much more than a statue.”

She blinked at me with a grin, waiting for my proof. And so I pulled one of my best moves, spinning around skillfully and winking at the two of them.

Sophie laughed and clapped her hands. “Ok ok, I take it all back.”

Her show of approval lifted a bit of stress off my shoulders, and we all continued to dance through the song. Brent joined us too, showing off his less-than-stellar moves, but no one cared. It was just a few moments of carefree fun, as we all made fools of ourselves, laughing, joking, and making fun out of what was supposed to have been an “elegant” Christmas party.

After the next song, Nikolai rejoined us with another drink and a gigantic chocolate cupcake in his hand.

“Don’t loooookkk at it Soph…” He laughed with a slur as he held it away from her.

She laughed lightly, but her smile didn’t touch her eyes.

“Nikolai,” Maureen giggled. “Haven’t you had quite enough to drink tonight?”

He shook his head and drank another gulp. “Not even close. That’s another Russian advantage. We can handle a drink better than most...”

“Clearly you cannot.” I mumbled, watching him stumble over his own feet.

Sophie wiped her forehead and looked at Nikolai. “What is that, like your third dessert?”

He waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. You can’t have any anyway.”

She stared at him for a silent moment before she spoke again. “I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to go sit down.”

He ignored her and looked at Maureen with widened eyes. “Have you seen the size of the ornaments on these trees?” He gestured towards the Christmas trees.

She peered in the direction he pointed. “They look…big?”

“They’re like the size of your face!” He slurred, grabbing her arm and pulling her with him and away from us.

Sophie pursed her lips as they left, and then she looked at me. “Anyway…like I said, I’m going to sit.”

I nodded and tried to give her a comforting smile. “Yeah, I think I’ll join you in a few.”

She returned my smile with a tight one of her own and left towards the table. Brent had moved on to another group of dancers, so I made my way to the dessert table. Everything looked decadent and delicious, but I simply took a napkin and wrapped up two macarons and put them in my pocket.

When I arrived back at our table, I found that Sophie was gathering her purse.

“Are you leaving?” I asked.

She looked up at me and frowned. “Yeah, I’m tired, and I need to be at the airport early tomorrow.”

I nodded and looked across the room. Maureen and Nikolai were nowhere in sight. I cleared my throat. “Can I walk you back?”

She watched me with a split second of contemplation before nodding. I hadn’t been expecting such a quick agreement, but she didn’t even give a second glance back in search of Nikolai.

We walked to get our checked coats and Sophie shrugged hers over her bare shoulders. “I probably shouldn’t be walking back alone anyway.” She laughed lightly.

“No, you shouldn’t.” I agreed quietly. I was suddenly very reminded of our night in Malibu together, when we’d retrieved her checked coat at the nightclub, and then later, I’d insisted on walking her down to her cab. There were so many parallels, except, unlike that night, the negative tension was no longer present between us. We were more comfortable with each other now. Our mutual agreement had laid the foundation for that.

I watched her bare shoulders slip underneath her coat as she looked up at me and smiled. “Thanks.” She said.

Even though I’d seen her exposed skin all night, there was still something extra alluring when she finally covered it up. I gulped and nodded, knowing that my own anxious nerves were still there when I looked at her. My promise didn’t make her any less beautiful to me.

We stepped out the door and into the night, but we both stopped quickly in our tracks as soon as the cold breeze hit us. Everything was covered in a fresh layer of white, and there were billions of puffy flakes in the air.

“Wow…” Sophie breathed. “It must have snowed almost a foot!”

I looked down the sidewalk to see that it had already been cleared so that just a few centimeters of snow lay on its surface. But huge piles of plowed snow lined the edges of the streets.

“Kinda appropriate for the holiday, innit?” I grinned.

She laughed and pulled her coat tightly around her. Then she took a step out into the snow, but her heel slipped a little and she grasped my arm for support. I instinctively grabbed her waist in response, steadying her balance.

She shook her head at the ground and chuckled. “I really need to stop wearing heels.”

I smirked and bit my lip, wishing I could make a comment, but knowing I shouldn’t. So I positioned myself next to her and held out my arm. “We’ll go slow, just hold onto me.”

She grasped my elbow tightly as we walked through the gently falling snow. This late at night, the street wasn’t very busy, and there was an eerie quiet draped over the city.

“It was nice to have a little fun tonight.” I mused. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

She nodded. “Actually, I did. I was skeptical, but it was a good time.”

“I thought the dancing would be dumb, but it was fun.” I agreed.

"I think it was the best part of the night." She smiled. There was a pause before she spoke again. “Will Maureen be angry with you for leaving without her?”

I shrugged. “We didn’t come together. She shouldn’t care when I leave.” She didn’t respond, so I contemplated another question before speaking again. “Will Nikolai be bothered that you left without _him?”_

She outstretched her hand in front of her, catching snowflakes and watching them melt against her skin. “If he is, then that’s his problem. We have no claim to each other.” She sighed. “Besides, he’s probably too drunk to notice I’ve gone.”

I nodded. But I knew he wouldn’t be pleased. Especially if he found out she’d left with me.

We walked silently for another few moments before I reached into my pocket and pulled out the napkin-wrapped macarons. I unfolded it gently and held them in front of her. “I stole one for you.”

She looked at them for a minute and licked her lips, but then she shook her head. “I shouldn’t. I’m not supposed to.”

I pushed them closer to her. “Eat the macaron, Sophie. One little indulgence isn’t going to matter.”

She blinked at it as if contemplating a much bigger decision. But then she reached out and took it, lifting it to her mouth and taking a small bite.

“Thank you.” She said quietly.

I bit into the other and smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“Oh my God, this is delicious.” She took another hungry bite with wide eyes.

I laughed, finishing mine. “See what you were missing?”

She grinned and leaned her head into my shoulder briefly. “Ok, now maybe _this_ was the best part of the night.”

I smiled contentedly to myself at the feel of her head on me. And then she lifted it again and we continued our walk slowly down the snowy street. It was a perfectly platonic few moments, and I smiled again. Maybe we really could just be friends. Maybe I could be content with that. I liked her for more than just her gorgeous face. Surely, that meant _something_ for our friendship.

For the duration of our walk, I never felt cold. I never shivered. Even though the night air was frozen around us, her warmth next to me was all I really felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I know, it's been like 500 years since I posted the last chapter... Thank you so much for your patience. I think I kind of wore myself out with those additional chapters from Brace For Impact, and I needed to take a moment to refresh.
> 
> It's so good to be back in Aidan and Sophie's minds now, and I have to say, I LOVE writing Miss Ditsy Maureen and Mr. Slimy Nikolai. They're both hilariously annoying in my head and it's a blast to bring them to life.
> 
> I'm eager to explore the demons in Aidan's head a bit more, and see how Sophie might be able to combat those. She's got a lot of fears too, and he's going to have to find a way to prove himself to her. But first, friendship is waiting on the horizon.
> 
> I hope you're all having a safe and healthy start to your 2021!
> 
> Also, it appears that some of you have forgotten who Heather is. Here's a refresher: Heather is Aidan's character's ex girlfriend. He had fallen in love with her, but he walked in on her cheating on him.
> 
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	13. Chapter Thirteen - Sophie

  


_**SOPHIE** _

“So, are you in love yet?” Mia smirked from the doorway as she watched me unpack.

I rolled my eyes.

“ _No?_ Not yet?” She laughed. “Give it time.”

“Absolutely not.” I replied. “Besides, I’ve learned more about him, and I’m now even less inclined to be interested.”

“Oh?” Mia asked, coming to sit down on my bed.

I folded my unpacked clothes neatly on the floor. “Yeah, he apparently doesn’t ‘do relationships.’” I used air quotes.

“Ah, he’s one of _those_.” Mia chuckled. “I bet he would have been so fun that night, Soph.”

I glared at her.

She grinned. “Oh, come on, you weren’t expecting anything more, were you?”

I frowned. “No, but that’s why I didn’t go through with it.”

Mia shook her head. “We need to find you a nice, reliable, straight-laced guy, don’t we?”

“No, please, not another Jeff again.” I sighed, thinking about my ex. I’d yawned my way through _that_ relationship.

“Well, I can tell you this.” Mia raised her eyebrows. “The kind of guy Aidan is – all smooth and enticing, but admitting upfront that he doesn’t want to commit – that’s not gonna change. So, don’t sit around and wait for him.”

“I’m _not_.” I replied firmly. “Why would you think that? I’ve been telling you all along that I’m not interested.”

“Because it’s been four months and you haven’t been on another date.”

I furrowed my brow. “I’ve been a little busy.”

“What about that Nikolai guy? Seems like he’s always finding a way to see you.”

I shrugged. “He’s alright. He’s kinda cute.”

“More interesting than Jeff?”

I nodded. “Oh, definitely.”

“So, maybe give him a chance?” Mia suggested, laying back on the bed and crossing her hands behind her head. “Is _he_ looking for a relationship?”

I remembered what he’d said about his great grandparents and their sweet relationship that he admired. “Yeah, I think so.”

“He’s Russian. That’s sexy.” She licked her lips. “I bet he’d give you _exactly_ what you’re looking for.” She winked at me.

I rolled my eyes again. But maybe she was right. I sighed, thinking about his drunken behavior at the Christmas party. Maybe not. “I’m still trying to feel him out.”

“I’m sure he’d let you _feel him out_ anytime.” Mia replied.

I threw a sock at her. _“Mia!”_

She laughed and sat up, tossing it back to me. “Well, so far, he seems like a valid option. Give him a chance.”

I folded the sock into its partner. They fit together so well. It was because they were cut from the same cloth. They were made for each other. My mind drifted back to Aidan again. Cut from the same cloth - _we_ were _not_. But at the same time, and for a very different reason, I didn’t really ever see myself fitting with Nikolai either. 

***

I looked at myself in the mirror, studying the fake blood and bruises that were painted onto my face and arms. I sat in a stiff leather makeup chair with my hands clasped together tightly in my lap. I felt like my body was both numb and buzzing at the same time. Today was our first day of filming after our holiday break. We were in California now for the next two months, shooting scenes both outdoors and inside a sound stage. It was good to be close to home again and reacquainted with the warmer weather, and this week, we were scheduled to shoot some outdoor scenes revolving around Alexander’s rescue of Tatiana from the battlefields around St. Petersburg. She’d almost died in the bombing and collapse of a train station, but Alexander had found her just before death, and was in the process of bringing her home. She was badly beat up, thus, the tremendous amount of bloody makeup that was currently being applied to me. I knew it would take skill to act as though I’d been almost fatally injured, but my nerves this morning were solely set on a different detail of the day.

Today, we would film Alexander and Tatiana’s first kiss. It was both their first, and also the first of the entire shoot. But ironically, for Aidan and I, it was not _our_ first, and somehow that made me even more anxious. I’d quickly worked myself up into a frenzy of nerves, and I felt stupid for even putting so much energy into something so trivial, but as hard as I tried to take my mind off of the impending kiss, it was all I could think about.

I looked at my scuffed-up face in the mirror and closed my eyes. My mind drifted to the night when Aidan had walked me home from the Christmas party. It was just a week ago, but it was the last time I’d seen him.

I’d danced with Nikolai that night. He’d been dressed so handsomely, and he’d spun me around in front of the Christmas trees, laughing and watching me with his bright blue eyes. He was fun, and he knew how to have a good time – maybe too good a time – but I was starting to grow skeptical. His stories were extravagant, and his moods were all over the place. One minute he’d be locked in a conversation with me, and the next he’d be forgetting I was even there. At first, he’d been all professionalism and class, but his intentions with me seemed to be shifting, like he was interested in something more than a friendship, and I wasn’t quite sure how to react. I liked him enough, but I wasn’t ready to let my feelings go that far yet. By the end of the night, he was so drunk that he began to completely ignore me, so I eventually left with Aidan instead. I knew that _his_ intentions were purely platonic, and I was starting to find out that I really did enjoy his company. And I enjoyed it without question, until he’d offered the macaron that he’d saved in his pocket just for me. After that, a unique set of emotions clicked on in my mind. It was a small gesture, but in that moment, I saw a gentler side of him I’d never witnessed before.

He was sweet, and much less annoying than I’d pegged him to be in the beginning. And now, after being away from him for a week, the butterflies had returned with even more ferocity.

I opened my eyes and looked at myself again. I glared at my own nervous reflection, scolding myself for letting any glimpse of my feelings creep back in. I had to fight them.

Not only did I have to kiss Aidan, but Nikolai would likely be watching the whole thing.

It was shaping up to be an odd day.

My makeup artist patted my shoulder. “Ok, you’re ready to go. Let’s reevaluate when we get outside into the light.”

We made our way out of the trailer and through the woods; all tall pines and rays of sunlight shining through. We eventually met up with the production team who were setting up for the first shot.

Nikolai was there, of course, and he immediately walked over to me and touched the fake gash along the side of my face.

“Wow…” He looked closely. “That’s really well done. It looks so real.”

My makeup artist interjected, batting his hand away. “Thank you. Don’t mess it up.”

He pulled his hand back and smirked at me. “How was your holiday?”

I smiled as I folded my script in my hands. I’d read it a thousand times already, hoping that the kiss would eventually disappear from the pages. “It was really nice to see family. But now that we’re filming here for a few months, I’ll be close to them anyway.”

“Oh yeah?” He cocked his head to the side. “Do they live close to here?”

I nodded. “Yes, only an hour away.”

“Will they visit the set?”

I laughed. “I don’t know. I think they’d prefer to let me do my thing. But my best friend, Mia is going to visit periodically. She’ll actually be here this weekend.”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, speaking of this weekend. You heard that we’re having a New Year’s Eve party on Friday, right?”

I shook my head.

He grinned. “Yeah, it’ll be about 20 of us. Mostly cast, a few crew. Super casual, but I rented out a kick-ass suite at the Ritz-Carlton downtown.”

“Oh? Should I bring anything?” I asked.

He shook his head. “It’s all taken care of. You just come and have a good time. Bring a few beers if you really want.”

I nodded and shrugged. “Ok, yeah that sounds fun.”

“You can bring your friend too.” He suggested with a smile.

I grinned. “I think she would like that.”

Over Nikolai’s shoulder, I spotted George, who sat behind a camera with large headphones over his ears. He saw me too and waved me over.

I turned from Nikolai, but he took my arm before I could move very far. “Hey,” He said, with suddenly serious eyes. “I uh, I know I sort of left you high and dry at the Christmas party. I got a bit distracted.”

I watched him for a second, not sure how to respond.

“The beer didn’t sit well with me that night.” He added.

I could tell he was trying to say he was sorry, but it wasn’t quite an apology. I cleared my throat and tried to smile. “I didn’t really even notice.”

He let out a relieved breath. “Oh good. I was hoping maybe I blew it out of proportion.”

I blinked at him and continued to lie through my best smile.

“Well, anyway,” He continued. “I’ll be excited to see you at the party this weekend.”

“It’ll be fun.” I nodded, pulling my arm slowly from his. “I’ll talk to you later?”

He let go and winked. “You know I’ll be here all day.”

I gulped. That was exactly what I was afraid of.

I weaved through the crew and arrived in front of George just as Aidan did too. He was dressed in his uniform, which had been dirtied with ash and soil. He looked at me and smirked. “Wow, how long did you have to sit in makeup this morning?”

I shook my head and looked down at my bloodied arms. “Too long.”

He laughed. “I have to say, I’m not envious.”

I stuck my tongue out at him sarcastically. His honey-colored eyes crinkled in response.

“Welcome back, guys.” George began. “You ready for a workout, Aidan?” He grinned.

Today’s scenes would begin with Aidan carrying me on his back through the trees to find cover from the overhead bombings.

Aidan laughed again and looked at me. “I think I can handle her.”

I smirked.

George glanced behind him. “Oh! Hang on, I have someone I want you to meet. I’ll be right back.” He got up from his chair and left us alone.

Aidan watched me for a moment. “How was your Christmas?”

“It was really nice. Yours?” I reluctantly looked up into his eyes again.

He smiled. “My mam was glad to have me home.”

“I bet she was. Are you happy to be back in LA, or wishing you were still home?”

He rolled his script in his hands and nodded. “No, I like it here. And I’m kind of excited about the scenes we have lined up to shoot this week.”

I raised a playful eyebrow. “Today in particular?”

He seemed surprised by my confident tease, but he pulled himself together quickly and grinned. “I was referring to being out in the wilderness and fresh air, Sophie. What are _you_ referring to?”

I blinked and cleared my throat, trying to look away and come up with a cover. “Um, well _I_ was referring to you having to carry me around on your back for the next few hours. Are you excited about _that_?”

He stood up taller and puffed out his chest. “I’ll carry you around all day if you want. I’ll be your personal chauffeur. Not a problem.”

The smallest giggle escaped my lips and I tried to cover it with my hand, but Aidan’s eyes crinkled again as he grinned back at me.

At the same time, George returned with an unfamiliar woman. He patted her on the back and stood her in front of us. “This is Sarah. She’s going to be your intimacy coordinator for the next few weeks of our shoot.”

My throat went dry. We needed an _intimacy coordinator_?

Sarah looked to be in her mid-forties, and she had a head of fiery red hair and a bright, comforting smile. She shook both of our hands enthusiastically. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both. Have you ever worked with an intimacy coordinator before?”

I shook my head. Aidan nodded.

She smiled at me. “Well, I’m here for two main reasons.” She held up one finger. “First, I’m here to make sure that you both feel comfortable during the scenes that include any sort of intimate physical contact. It’s my number one priority to be your advocate and ensure that you both feel safe.”

I nodded silently as I watched her raise another finger.

“And secondly.” She continued with a smile. “I’m here to help make it look authentic. We want to make these feelings and these interactions believable to our audience, and that’s sometimes hard to achieve in a studio setting with all the cameras and lights and people staring at you. But chemistry is key, so I’m going to be here to help you chart out every detail, and to make sure you’re both fully aware of the plan each time before we begin.”

George laughed from next to her. “You haven’t seen them yet, Sarah. Chemistry won’t be a problem.”

She winked. “That makes my job easy.”

There was an obvious tension in the space between Aidan and I as she explained her job. I wasn’t sure if her presence made me more or less nervous. I was glad we’d have someone calling the shots so that I could take my mind out of the moment, but the fact that we needed her at all made me a little anxious.

“Of course, today will be simple.” Sarah added. “There won’t a tremendous amount of coordinating needed for the kiss, but we’ll make sure we get the angles right. It’s important that you always let me know if something makes you uncomfortable. Do you have any questions before we get started today?”

The kiss was the elephant in the room. Clearly, Aidan knew it was coming too, but we’d conveniently danced around the topic when we’d discussed our upcoming scenes last week. I took a shallow breath and shook my head. Aidan scratched his beard as he responded to her. “I don’t think so. No questions yet. We’ll appreciate your advice though.”

She smiled widely. “Excellent. I’ll see you both in a bit.” She turned on her heel and left us with George.

He looked Aidan up and down. “I’d like to see a little more dirt on that coat. Can you head over to wardrobe? We’ll begin in about 5 minutes.”

Aidan nodded and left us alone. I stepped forward to wander away too, but George touched my shoulder. I turned to see him eyeing me carefully.

“Sarah is really great, I promise. She’ll make sure you’re comfortable. Do you have any other questions?”

I blinked at him, confused. And then I realized that I must have let some of my anxieties show. I nodded my head quickly and smiled. “Oh, no, I’m absolutely fine. No worries at all.”

He dropped his hand from my shoulder. “Ok. You were so quiet, I just wanted to make sure.”

I shook my head, trying to appear confident. I wished my nerves weren’t so obvious. “I was just listening. I’m very comfortable.”

George nodded and smiled. “Perfect. Let’s get started then.”

Five minutes later, a hairstylist was fiddling with my hair as the crew worked on bouncing and blocking the light to get the perfect ambience for the scene.

“Ok let’s do a quick run-through of the carry.” George called out from his chair. “I want to see how it looks on camera.”

Aidan looked at me. “Ready?”

I nodded and he turned his back to me and crouched slightly. I leaned into his back and wrapped my arms around his neck as he looped his hands under my knees and easily lifted me from the ground. His body was solid beneath mine as my legs rested on his hips. The warmth of his back radiated against my chest and my chin rested on his shoulder as my face pressed into the curls on the side of his head. I involuntarily took a breath, and all at once, the memories came flooding back. He smelled the _same_. Scent was an impossibly powerful reminder. In the hotel in Malibu, when he’d trailed kisses down my neck, my nose had buried in his hair in a similar manner, and I’d breathed him in then too. He was all leather and spice and citrus. Inviting and warm and familiar. My hands began to sweat.

Aidan paraded in a few circles with me on his back, making sure George liked the way it looked.

“Great, that’ll do just fine. Let’s get rolling.” George held his finger up and spun it in a circle.

Aidan set me down gently and I hurriedly tucked my hair behind my ear as he turned to me.

“You good?” He smiled.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah I’m fine. If I get too heavy, just let me know.”

He laughed, finding his mark on the ground. “Soph, you weigh practically nothing.”

I shrugged. “Well, still, let me know.”

He looked directly at me and his expression turned serious. “You let _me_ know if _you’re_ uncomfortable.”

I met his gaze for a moment, and I knew that he wasn’t talking about the carry. His words referred to that huge elephant that still sat between us. I swallowed and nodded before taking my place too.

We ran a few scenes, capturing different bits of dialogue and different angles as Aidan carried me back and forth through the trees. I spent what felt like an hour on his back, but he didn’t seem affected at all. I began to get used to the feel of his body pressed against mine, and I grew tired enough from holding on that I was able to lay my head down on his shoulder just like an injured Tatiana might have done.

After a few more takes, we moved on to the point in the script where Aidan had to lay me down swiftly next to a fallen tree, because there was a threat of overhead bombing for Tatiana and Alexander.

George gave us a thumbs up while Aidan was poised above me. “Perfect. Let’s move on to the kiss now.”

A shocking burst of butterflies hit my stomach all at once and I looked up to see Sarah walking towards us. She clasped her hands together and smiled. “Ok, ready to get this blocked?”

I glanced up at Aidan, who sat back on his knees and nodded. I started to sit up too, but Sarah looked down at her script and then pointed to the ground. “Actually, I’m going to have you both stay just like that. Sophie, you’ll stay on your back. Aidan, you’ll position yourself over her, just like you did when you lowered her to the ground. Remember, you’ve just heard planes overhead, and you’re rushing to get under cover. Alexander is feeling extremely protective at this point.” She turned her eyes to me. “And Tatiana isn’t thinking of the bombs at all. Her fears seem trivial at this point, after all she’s been through. She can’t think about much more than how badly she wants to kiss Alexander. You’re going to want to convey that with your eyes and also with the way you’ll cling to him.”

I briefly blinked up at Aidan who was focused solely on Sarah.

She knelt down next to us. “This is one of those magical movie-moments. There are bombs falling around the two of you. It’s extremely dangerous. But for your characters, that all disappears when they kiss.” She looked at her script again. “So, let’s run through it a few times and block it out.”

George jogged towards us and pulled his headphones from his ears. “Sarah. Let’s not have them kiss during rehearsal. I’d like to save their first kiss for the cameras.” He looked at us. “Is that alright with you?”

I bit my tongue and nodded. Aidan nodded too and eyed me quickly with a smirk. “Got it.”

I returned his gaze with a playful glare. I had to admit that our little secret – the fact that this was _not_ our first kiss – was actually kind of fun to keep.

“Ok, so you want me like this to start?” Aidan asked, crawling back up above me and positioning his arms on either side of my shoulders.

Sarah looked at us for a minute, studying the angle. I tried my best not to look up at his face, which was slowly inching closer and closer to mine.

“Yeah, this is good.” She nodded. “Aidan, put your right knee on the ground between her legs.”

He did so, and I mistakenly caught his gaze for an instant before looking away again.

Sarah turned to the camera operator who was positioning the equipment, and he nodded in approval.

I looked towards her. “And where should I put my hands?” I was quickly beginning to realize just how unromantic this would actually be.

“You’re going to place them on his chest,” She mimicked the action on herself. “Like you have the urge to pull him closer to you. Are you both ok with that?”

We both nodded and I lifted my palms to Aidan’s chest as he stared down at me. This time, I met his eyes with purpose, and it was _he_ who looked away quickly.

Sarah scooted towards us. “Does this feel ok for both of you? Natural?”

Aidan chuckled and looked around at the dozens of eyes on us. “Natural might not be the right word.”

Sarah laughed. “Well, I think it’s going to look great, as long as you’re both comfortable.” She paused, making sure I nodded too. “Alright, so after a bit of dialogue, Tatiana’s last line will be ‘Oh, Shura,’ which in turn, sends Alexander into the kiss.” She looked at Aidan. “There is a lot of build-up here, like he’d barely been holding back the urge until now. So, just go for it. We’re looking at something like a 10 second kiss.” She paused and waited for us both the nod. “And this is where we get technical. George is looking for a fairly passionate kiss here. But remember, this is also a first kiss, so you can hold back a bit too.” She focused on me again. “And Tatiana is surprised by the kiss at first, but only hesitates briefly. You’re going to bring your hands around the back of his neck and head, holding him to you, until he is the one to break the kiss.”

I couldn’t help but take a deep breath as I nodded, and I noticed Aidan smile at me from the corner of my eye. He was amused by my nerves.

“Pretty simple, right?” Sarah smiled. “These are all closeup shots. It’s all in the eyes. Any questions? Any worries?”

Aidan sat up just slightly, putting a brief distance between us again. “Passionate first kiss. Not a problem.”

I bit my lip and eyed him again. He returned it with a smirk that quickly became a shallow exhale of breath when his gaze found my mouth.

“Ok, let’s get rolling!” George called from behind one of the cameras that was now incredibly close and intimate with us.

Aidan lowered himself back onto me as a hairstylist adjusted his curls. I began to realize that my legs were shaking. I desperately hoped he didn’t notice.

We looked at each other for a moment, and I wanted to say something. There was a silent conversation hanging in the air between us, but I didn’t know how to begin it.

However, before I had the chance to think any longer, the hairstylist backed away and everyone on set went quiet.

“Action!” George shouted.

Aidan began to act, breathing hard like he’d just laid me down after carrying me for many miles. “Turn onto your stomach and cover your head.”

I looked up at him, knowing that Tatiana did _not_ obey him in that moment. My heart was thumping in my ears.

“Don’t be afraid, Tania.” He almost whispered, watching me with sympathy.

“I’m not afraid.” I replied in a breath, looking back and forth between his hazel eyes and lifting my hands to his chest. There were a few seconds of silence, and I thought that maybe I felt his heart beating beneath his coat.

He eyed me with confusion. It was part of the scene. Alexander didn’t know why Tatiana was not rolling over and taking cover. He did not read her thoughts like Aidan was probably reading mine right now. “Go on.” He paused. “What? Do you need me to help? I should have taken your helmet from the station.”

“Alexander—” I said quietly, feeling the close proximity of the three cameras pointed directly at us. They were there, and they were obvious, but they were somehow less distracting that I’d expected. All I saw were Aidan’s gentle eyes staring down at mine.

Just the smallest smile played at his lips. “So, now that it’s morning, I’m suddenly Alexander again?”

One more line. That’s all there was left. I gazed up at him as he looked tenderly down at me. I’d been trying all day to separate my real emotions from the reality of our kiss, but some of them managed to creep their way back in. I felt a portion of my internal wall come down, and I felt like all the breath had been pulled from me. All that escaped was a whisper. “Oh, Shura…”

Aidan gazed at me for a moment. His expression was so believable. Something profoundly deep touched his eyes as he sucked in a short breath, and it was only an instant before he lowered his head and pressed his lips firmly against mine. My plans to remain emotionally detached were thrown out the window the second I felt the touch of his soft, full lips again, and it was almost more instinct than Sarah’s direction as I grasped the back of his neck and pulled him closer to me. The warmth of his breath and the tingle of his skin sent shivers down my spine. I opened my mouth, breathing him in with desperation. Because I could. Because Tatiana allowed me to.

But just as quickly as it began, the kiss was over, and Aidan pulled away to look down into my eyes again. “Turn over.” He said, breathlessly. “I have to keep you covered.”

“Andddd, CUT.” George shouted. He looked around at the rest of the crew for approval. “I think…I think we got it?”

They all nodded and smiled in agreement.

“Do we need another?” He looked at the camera operators. “Check the tape.”

Aidan sat back on his knees, looking at George and keeping his eyes away from mine.

Still laying on my back, I glanced into the crowd and saw that Nikolai was watching from afar. He smiled lightly at me and then turned his head back to his script.

My lips still tingled from the kiss. It was the same sensation I’d experienced as I’d rode away from Aidan’s hotel room in the taxi. The memory lay deep within my skin, and now it had resurfaced and only ached for more. I looked up at him again and my eyes landed on his lips. He licked them and pressed them together as he continued to watch George make a decision. I wished he would look at me.

George eventually turned to us and smiled. “I think we’re good. I don’t see any reason to go again, right? You feel good about it?”

I bit my tongue and reluctantly nodded.

I wanted to do it again.

Aidan got to his feet and ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I think we’re good.”

I blinked away from him and frowned, wishing he’d been a _little_ bit more interested in another take. I pressed my elbows into the leaves beneath me and started to sit up. As I did, a hand appeared in front of me. I raised my eyes to see Aidan gazing down at me, offering to help me up.

I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet. “Thanks.” I said quietly, brushing the dirt from my pants.

“Ok, let’s take an hour for lunch.” George tapped his watch. Immediately, everyone dispersed quickly towards the trailers.

“You’re welcome.” Aidan replied, smiling with a touch of warmth. But he turned to leave without another word.

I nervously tucked my hair behind my ear as we both made our way to the catering table. There were salads with grilled chicken provided. I grabbed a box and a water bottle and then turned around to look for Aidan, but he wasn’t anywhere in sight. I checked the tables that had been set up for lunch, but he wasn’t there either. Nikolai was though. He hadn’t spotted me yet. I clenched my teeth. I didn’t have enough energy for him today, so I tucked my salad in my arms and wandered between the trailers and trucks, hoping to find a better place to eat.

Beyond the last one, there was a small clearing and a large fallen log that looked over an embankment and a beautiful view of the tree-covered mountains in the distance.

On the log, facing away from me, sat Aidan. I paused and watched him for a moment. Maybe he didn’t want to be bothered? I turned around and looked back towards the trailers. I knew Nikolai would be waiting for me there. I really didn’t want to talk with Nikolai.

So, I took a deep breath and walked towards Aidan.

“Want some company?” I asked tentatively.

He jumped slightly and quickly looked back at me.

“Sorry.” I giggled. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He smiled and shifted over. “No, of course you can join.”

I stepped over the log and sat down next to him. I looked out at the mountains, admiring the way the sun fell across them so perfectly.

“It’s really beautiful.” I gestured towards the view as I took a bite of my salad.

“Really peaceful.” Aidan concurred, taking a bite of his own.

I frowned. “Sorry, I’ve probably ruined your peace.”

He grinned and shook his head. “Not at all.”

“Did you hear about the New Year’s Eve party?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Will you go?” I glanced at him.

He pursed his lips. “Yeah, I’ll probably go.”

We were silent for a moment as we ate. Aidan looked out across the trees, and I alternated between focusing on my food and peering up at him. I felt a strange urge to get a look inside his head. I’d never felt such a strong desire to before, but something made me want to dig deeper today.

“Maureen was bummed she couldn’t be on set today.” I pushed a piece of chicken around with my fork.

“Maureen is rarely content.” He replied simply.

I narrowed my eyes at the chicken. He didn’t respond quite like I’d expected. I took another bite and chewed for a second, watching an eagle soar gently in the distance.

“Why don’t you do relationships?” The question fell from my lips before I had a chance to stop it. I immediately gulped and closed my mouth in embarrassment.

Aidan turned his head towards me slightly. He hadn’t expected such a blatant question either.

With extreme reluctance, I met his curious gaze. I was just short of mortified, but I didn’t back down. I waited for an answer.

He looked back down at his meal. “They never end well.”

I cocked my head to the side, still watching him. “Well, do any relationships ever _end_ well? I mean, it’s an _end_. It kind of speaks for itself.”

He looked up at me again. His eyes had turned sad. “Have you ever been in a relationship?”

I blinked at him, slightly offended. “Of course I have.”

“And how did it end?”

I shrugged. “We weren’t compatible. We went our separate ways.”

He nodded and looked out at the horizon. “Well, consider yourself lucky.”

I watched his profile. His jaw clenched tightly. I knew I’d hit a nerve. So, even though I wanted to ask him for more details, I decided not to. I chose a different question instead. “If you _could_ have a successful relationship, would you want it then?”

He smiled without humor. “And who could ever ensure that?”

“You’d never know unless you tried, right?” I asked quietly.

He closed up his salad box and inhaled a shallow breath. “I don’t trust people well. So, I just don’t think it’s my thing.”

I pursed my lips, hardly believing that someone could be so averse to the risks and rewards that came with a relationship. Even _I_ knew that a chance at true love was worth the hazard of a heartbreak – if the circumstances were right.

I started to open my mouth, but I closed it again when he stood up and stepped back over the log.

“We’ve got a wardrobe change before the next scene. I’m gonna go get started on that.” He paused and looked at me for a moment. “I’ll see you in a bit?”

I blinked at him and nodded, and then he turned and left without another word. I returned my gaze to the mountains again and chewed on the inside of my cheek, replaying his responses in my head. I’d clearly struck a nerve somewhere, and he’d closed himself off quickly. It was bewildering. He’d rushed to leave too, like he didn’t want to be near me. I pulled my brows together. He didn’t seem like he wanted to be near me after our kiss either. Had I done something wrong?

I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. I wasn’t sure why I cared so much. Why _should_ I care so much? I shook my head, snapped my salad box shut, and stood up quickly, returning to my work and leaving my senseless thoughts and emotions behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With all the talk of Intimacy Coordinators lately (Mostly in relation to Bridgerton), I figured this story should have one too. She'll definitely be needed. 😉
> 
> What do you think of the state of Sophie's thoughts right now? Torn? Confused? Frustrated that Aidan is the way that he is?


	14. Chapter Fourteen - Aidan

  


_**AIDAN** _

I rode the lift up at the Ritz-Carlton in downtown LA with a 6-pack of Guinness hanging from my grip. The floor levels ticked up in sequence until the chime rang at 38 and the doors opened. I stepped forward into the empty hallway and checked my watch. It was 9:30. The party had started at 9, but I wasn’t keen on arriving early and being stuck alone with Nikolai for any amount of time.

I began to walk down the hallway, hearing the distinct sound of loud, thumping music a few doors away. I followed my ears, and sure enough, they led me to the room number I’d been given. I took a deep breath and tapped my knuckles against the solid grey door. After a few seconds, it swung open, filling the hallway with the music from inside.

Nikolai, holding a beer in his hand, smiled and gestured me in. “Ah, guys! Turner’s here! He brought more beer!”

Brent crossed the room and patted me on the back as he handed me a cold one. “Hey mate, glad you made it!”

Nikolai took my 6-pack and tossed it into the full-sized refrigerator, in the over-sized immaculate kitchen to our right. The suite was even larger than I’d expected, with two connected seating areas, a dining table for at least ten, and floor to ceiling windows on most of the walls. There were 6 or 7 others in the room besides Nikolai and Brent. A few of the guys were splayed out on the sofas watching the end of a basketball game on the gigantic wall-mounted TV, but I didn’t see Sophie anywhere.

I took a swig of beer and strolled across the room towards them. Basketball wasn’t really my sport of choice, but I was curious, nonetheless.

“Who’s playing?” I asked, squinting at the screen.

“The Lakers and the Sixers.” One of them replied, not tearing his eyes away from the TV.

I nodded and studied the screen, trying to catch up. I knew _enough_ about American basketball to know that the Lakers were a Los Angeles team, so this must have been a big game for them.

“Kobe put up 30 points already, man.” Another one of them pumped his fist. “It’s over.”

I watched the tall man with the number 24 skillfully shoot from the 3-point line. The ball sailed through the air and into the net with a swoosh, resulting in the group of guys all springing up from the sofa, high-fiving, and erupting in celebratory hollering.

I laughed and took another drink, walking over to the large windows to study the view. From the 38th floor, you could see right past many of the other downtown buildings, to the expansive city beyond, and straight towards Los Angeles National Forest, where we’d been filming all week.

There were a fair number of scenes that required a wooded backdrop, and we’d completed them all in the last few days. It had been refreshing to be outside in the warmth; the warmth of the sun, the warmth of the breeze, the warmth of Sophie’s lips against mine…

I’d been surprisingly nervous; so much more anxious about that kiss than I should have been. I knew it was just an act, just the process of going through the motions to get a good shot, but when she’d looked up at me with her big eyes, they danced with honey and amber in the sunlight, and my heart had begun to beat so hard I knew she probably felt it against her hands that touched my chest so gently.

When she’d stood at her car on the day of her audition almost 5 months ago, and she’d told me that it would be _weird_ , I’d scoffed and reminded her that we were just ‘acting,’ but I’d failed to foresee the way my feelings for her would not fade into the background, but actually _evolve_ into something I still didn’t understand. The fact that she was untouchable made her even more enticing to me, and still, after all this time, I felt myself imagining the soft skin of her waist, the warm pulse in her neck as my lips had pressed insistently against it, and the goosebumps that had spread across her arms as I’d slid my hand lower and lower as her breath grew faster and faster. Our kiss had been filled with such passion that night, and the memories of her smooth, full lips against mine as I’d pressed her against the wall were all I had, until this week in the forest.

When I’d kissed her, there on the ground, the memories came flooding back, and when I closed my eyes, I let myself – for just a short moment – re-live that night in Malibu, because I craved it again so badly. But I only let myself go there for a few seconds, because the cameras were all around us, and Sophie was tense and shy under the pressure of my body. She didn’t want that kiss. I knew that well. She hesitated to accept the role for that very reason. And it was _my_ responsibility to ease her discomfort and stick to my word. I owed her that, after my promise.

I kept my mouth shut and my emotions in check when I was around her, but she smiled more at me now. She joked, she made me laugh, and I was starting to see her true personality without the thick shield of armor that she once wore in the beginning. I loved the way her nose crinkled when she giggled, and I loved the way her brows pulled together with determination when she listened to George instruct her on a scene. She was so multi-faceted, and I’d only begun to peel back the layers. She would be a treasure to whoever she finally gave her heart to; whichever man would be patient enough to give her the kind of relationship she was looking for.

Nikolai wasn’t that guy. I knew that well now. I watched Sophie carefully when they interacted, because I didn’t trust him even a little bit. I hoped she could see through him like I could.

“Hey Aidan, you finally made it!”

I turned to see Maureen beaming at me with her usual, eager smile. “Oh, hi.” I lifted my beer bottle to hers with a clink. “I didn’t realize you were in town.”

She raised an eyebrow and nodded. “I’ve been here all along. I was just off for the week. I’ll be back on set Monday when we’re inside.” She nudged my shoulder. “Remember, I already told you, I live in California.”

I nodded. “Well, I didn’t know how close. California is a big state. It’s bigger than Ireland.” I laughed.

She smiled lightly and took a drink. “I could have sworn I told you I lived in LA.”

I pursed my lips and looked down at my beer. For all I knew, she probably _did_ tell me, but I couldn’t remember.

“Have you been here at the party long?” I asked.

“Yeah, we were just checking out the rest of the suite. I came with Sophie and her friend.” She pointed behind her towards the kitchen, where Sophie and Mia now stood at the large island, chatting over their drinks. Sophie wore a blue dress that fell well above her knees. Her legs were smooth and fair beneath the hem, crossed casually as she leaned against the counter.

I looked back at Maureen, who had turned her attention to her phone. I cleared my throat. “I should, uh, go say hi.”

“Ok.” She replied simply, glancing at me for just a moment before returning to her phone.

I left her and crossed the room towards Sophie and Mia. They both smiled as I arrived.

“Mia, it’s great to see you again.” I grinned as I came to stand across the counter from them. Just the sight of her brought back so many vivid memories from that night in Malibu. I’d actually spotted her first then, with her smooth dark hair and the accentuated curve of her hips, but it wasn’t she who’d really enticed me that night.

Her face brightened as she tapped her bottle to mine. “Who would have thought we’d be running into each other again? Crazy how life is sometimes.”

I smirked and glanced at Sophie. She smiled back, but quickly looked away.

“How have you been?” I asked, looking at Mia again.

She shrugged. “Working my way up the ranks at the city paper, trying to convince them to let me write about something other than school tax levies and the results of the Willowcreek Retirement Village’s Annual Foxtrot Competition.” She rolled her eyes.

I laughed at her obvious fatigue and winked. “Actually, I’d like to have seen that. I bet it was a real hoppin’ party.”

Mia started to laugh too, but then she looked curiously at me. “Wait, don’t I remember reading that _you_ were a competitive dancer once upon a time?”

Sophie blinked and looked at me with interest. “What?”

I shook my head and chuckled. “Eh, yeah, once upon a time.”

Sophie leaned across the kitchen island. “How come you never told me?” She turned to Mia. “How come _you_ never told me?”

Mia finished her drink and opened the fridge for another. “I don’t know. I read it somewhere recently.”

“Why were you reading about me?” I asked with a smirk.

She popped the top off her new beer and shrugged. “Curiosity. I wanted to know who Sophie was working with.”

Sophie was watching her quizzically before she turned back to me. “You seriously used to compete? What kind of dancing?”

I took a breath and leaned against the counter to reluctantly explain. “Ballroom, all kinds. I did it for a few years in my teens.”

“Were you good?” She smirked.

I pressed my lips together and took a drink, trying to hide my own grin. “We did alright.”

“So, yeah, we’re definitely gonna need to see that later.” Mia said as she squinted towards the TV. “Hey, the performances are starting!”

The basketball game had ended, and now there were thousands of people celebrating on the streets of New York as Ryan Seacrest spoke to the camera. It was on a delay here on the west coast, but no one seemed to mind. Maureen shut off the stereo and turned up the volume on the TV.

“Food’s here!” Nikolai came from the door with multiple boxes, sliding them onto the counter and opening them to reveal various kinds of pizza and chicken wings.

Maureen reached into the fridge and pulled out a large platter piled with fruits and vegetables. “And I’ve brought something to balance the heart attack Nik has provided.” She laughed.

We all dug in, filling our plates and our bellies. There were twelve of us now – not quite the twenty guests that Nikolai had bragged about, but it was still a crowd, and there was a fun banter amongst us, fueled by the beer that we all happily consumed.

Sophie took a sip of hers and nodded at Nikolai. “Where is everyone else?”

He shrugged. “There are a lot of parties tonight, they might show up later.”

One of the others, Dean from the production team, cleared his throat. “Yeah, and um, we will need to head out pretty soon. There’s a thing down the street we promised we’d make an appearance at.”

Nikolai nodded and took a long swig of his beer. I could see that his claims about his likability weren’t quite as factual as he exaggerated them to be.

Maureen was at the TV fumbling with the remote. “Hey guys, I think the cable went out.”

The screen was black and the silence in the room was suddenly very noticeable.

Nikolai took the remote from her and furrowed his brow, pressing buttons repeatedly.

“Well, now how will we watch the ball drop?” Maureen sat down onto the sofa and watched him with a huff of displeasure.

Nikolai shook his head and crossed the room to the phone. “Don’t worry. I’ll get it figured out. Hang on.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Well, um, we’ll probably head out then. Wouldn’t want to miss that, and we were already meant to go soon.”

Nikolai looked up from his phone with his jaw set. “I’m going to figure it out.”

Dean licked the pizza sauce from his lips and walked over to him to extend his fist for a bump. “Man, we’ve really gotta go. But it’s been tight though.”

Nikolai returned the fist-bump without enthusiasm and then looked back at the phone to dial.

Dean and all five of his friends said their goodbyes, tossed their trash, and then left the suite in a pack. Just the six of us remained.

“ _Well,_ glad they got their free food.” Sophie mumbled as she bit into a carrot.

“Yeah, that was rude.” Mia agreed, grabbing another slice of pizza.

I watched Nikolai hang up the phone and then stare at the blank TV. I almost felt bad for him. _Almost._

Brent was hopelessly fiddling with the remote now.

“Can they fix it?” Maureen asked.

Nikolai shook his head. “The whole block has an outage. They don’t know when it’ll be back.”

Maureen crossed her arms and sat back silently.

Sophie stood up and crossed the room to the stereo, flipping it back on. “Who _really_ cares about the ridiculous ball drop, anyway?”

We all shook our heads in agreement. Maureen shrugged.

“Hey, let’s play truth or dare!” Nikolai suddenly suggested with surprising enthusiasm.

“What are we, twelve?” Mia snorted.

“No, that’s actually a great idea!” Maureen chimed in. “What else are we gonna do?”

“How about _anything_ else?” Sophie muttered, coming to stand at the counter next to me.

I nudged her playfully. “Scared?”

She looked up at me with her big brown eyes. “ _No_. But I really hate Truth or Dare.”

“Me too.” I smirked, looking around at the others in the room. “But this group might be exceptionally entertaining.”

She pressed her lips together, hiding the smile that told me she agreed, and then she drained the last few drops of her beer.

I opened up the fridge and retrieved two of the bottles I’d brought. I held one out to her. “Do you drink Guinness?”

She smiled and took it from me. “For this, I’ll drink anything.”

I smirked.

“Ok, ok, come on, this _is_ happening.” Nikolai gestured everyone over to the sofas. “You too Mia.”

Mia rolled her eyes as we all sat down. I took a swig of my fresh bottle of beer, hoping it would numb me enough to find the game at least a little bit entertaining. Sophie sat down across from me, next to Mia.

Nikolai finished his own drink and placed the bottle on its side in the center of the floor.

“I thought we were playing Truth or Dare, not Spin the Bottle?” Maureen laughed.

“No, this is just how we’ll decide who goes next.” He explained.

I watched Sophie as she sat silently on the sofa. She was staring at the bottle on the floor with anxious eyes.

“Ok, I’ll start.” Nikolai spun it around on the carpet, and it came to a stop in front of Maureen.

“Dare.” Her eyes met his with fierce determination.

“Ok,” He scratched his jaw. “Show us the most embarrassing photo on your phone”

She laughed and pulled it out, scrolling through quickly. “I’ve got a good one.” She turned her phone around and showed us a selfie of herself and a friend. They both had deep green face masks wiped across their faces and towels around their heads. Their eyes were wide, and their lips pouted at the camera.

Nikolai rolled his eyes. “LAME.”

She laughed. “What? It’s the best I’ve got.”

“Ok, you spin now.”

Maureen spun the bottle and it landed on Brent.

“Truth.” He said.

“Hmm, ever gone skinny dipping?” She asked.

He grinned and closed his eyes in embarrassment. “Um. Yes.”

“Ooooohhh. Brent’s got _secrets_.” Mia chimed in.

“Hardly.” He laughed.

“Who’d you go with?” Maureen asked.

“I’m sorry, your one question is up.” Brent winked, and then he spun the bottle. It landed on Mia.

“Dare.” She took a long swig of her drink to prepare.

I noticed Sophie was almost halfway through her Guinness already too.

“Ok, show us your _ugliest_ face.” Brent grinned. Mia rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. Right as she did, he stopped her. “Ok, hold it for the next two minutes while we keep playing.”

She sighed dramatically, leaving her tongue hanging out of her mouth. “Wait so how do I ask the next one then?” She said with a lisp as she stared at the ceiling, mid-eye-roll.

There was snickering from around the room.

“Brent can go again.” Nikolai laughed.

Brent spun the bottle. It landed on Sophie. She was still laughing at Mia, but she stopped abruptly when it pointed towards her.

There was a brief moment of hesitation before she spoke. “Truth.”

Brent cleared his throat. “Ok, hmmmm…who’s the sexiest person in this room?”

Sophie glanced around at the group, quickly skipping over my gaze, and then her eyes landed on Mia and her ridiculous tongue. Her lips pulled into a grin. “Mia. Definitely Mia.”

There was an outburst of laughter as Sophie smirked at her own joke.

“Woooo, now, I like _that_.” Nikolai winked at the two of them and raised his beer into the air with an uncoordinated arm, letting some of the liquid slosh onto the ground.

Ignoring him, Sophie leaned forward to spin the bottle. It landed on me.

I narrowed my eyes at her. She grinned at me. I wondered which way I should answer, not sure what she might have up her sleeve.

“Dare.” I bravely decided.

She returned my own narrowed glare and nodded. “Ok, I’ll be right back.” And then she stood up and left the room.

We all looked at each other and waited patiently, anxious to see what she’d come up with.

“Can I stop making this face now?” Mia whined.

“Yes, you can stop.” Nikolai laughed.

She let out an exhausted breath and massaged her cheeks.

Sophie reemerged into the room, holding something behind her back. She came to stand in front of me with a smirk.

“Your hat for the rest of the game, sir.” She revealed her hands and presented a makeshift hat made from toilet paper.

I glared playfully at her as she placed it atop my head with a smug smile.

“Oh, that’s a good look, Aidan.” Brent confirmed.

“Thank you.” I replied, puffing out my chest and nudging the ‘hat’ so that it sat crooked on my head.

Sophie laughed and took her place again. I smirked. She’d gone easy on me.

I spun the bottle. It landed on Brent.

“Dare.” He said.

I looked around the room and spotted a pile of packets of hot sauce in one of the empty food containers. I tossed five of them his way. “Down ‘em all.”

“Not a problem.” He tore them open, one by one, and squeezed them into his mouth with ease, but he couldn’t help but squint his eyes shut for a few seconds afterwards. “Whewww…that was refreshing.” He shook his head back and forth.

Licking his lips, he leaned in and spun the bottle again. It landed on Nikolai.

“I’ll go with…. _truth_.” He was beginning to slur, leaning crookedly against his seat and dangling his beer from his fingers. I think everyone had lost count of how many drinks he’d had. His ‘buzz’ was quickly becoming something more.

“If you could be invisible for a day, what’s the first thing you would do?”

Nikolai’s expression immediately turned devious. “I mean…” He smirked. “The ladies locker room would definitely be near the top of my list.”

“ _Ew,_ _Nik…_ ” Maureen scolded him.

“Hey, it’s the truth.” He laughed, spinning the bottle and sinking back into the sofa contentedly.

It landed on me again.

I took a deep breath and weighed my options once more. “Truth.”

“Ok, um…” He pondered. “When was your last kiss?”

I glanced at Sophie. She was already staring at me.

“Oh, and Sophie doesn’t count.” Nikolai added quickly. “That was acting.”

I nodded, letting a smirk form on my lips. “Oh ok, _Sophie doesn’t count?_ Well then, hmmmm…” I caught her eye again. She was watching me with a humorously imposing death glare. I scratched my forehead under my ridiculous toilet paper hat, pretending to contemplate further. “I think, it would have been six months ago then.” I remembered a woman I’d met on a late night out, just two months before I met Sophie for the first time. I hadn’t kissed anyone else since Malibu.

“Dudeee…not even a kiss in six months?” Nikolai’s eyes widened. “I don’t know how you do it, man. You must be in literal physical pain.” He laughed and closed his eyes as he took another drink.

I looked at Sophie. She was watching me with interest. She now knew that I hadn’t kissed anyone since I’d kissed her. Based on what she thought of me, I doubted she expected that. I dropped my eyes from hers quickly and spun the bottle again. It landed on Maureen.

She grinned at me. “Truth.”

“Ok, who’s your celebrity crush?” I asked.

She brought her hand to her heart. “Oh my God, Bradley Cooper. _Always_ Bradley Cooper.”

Mia and Sophie nodded enthusiastically.

“Have you met him?” Sophie asked.

Maureen sighed and laughed. “No, but I’m gonna track him down and show him what he’s missing.” She spun the bottle again. It landed on Mia.

“Ummm…truth.” Mia said.

Maureen watched her mischievously for a moment. “What’s your number?”

Mia raised an eyebrow. “Phone?”

Maureen smirked. “ _No…_ ”

“Oooooohhhhh…” Nikolai cheered in an unnecessarily high pitch.

Mia sighed and rubbed her brow. “ _Really_ guys?”

“Rules are rules.” Nikolai reminded her.

“Ughh…” She sighed and closed her eyes, counting for a moment. “Nine.”

“ _Get it_ , Mia.” Maureen clapped in approval.

“I hate you all.” Mia hung her head.

I glanced at Sophie. She was beginning to look uncomfortable again. She took another swig of her beer.

Nikolai sat up and laughed. “Oh, that’s not _that_ much, Mia. Who’s got her beat? I think we should _all_ answer that one.”

“I think we should _not_. Mia, spin the bottle.” Sophie pointed at the ground.

I studied her for a moment. Her knuckles were white as grasped her Guinness tightly. I was understanding now. It was the sexual questions that were making her nervous.

Mia spun the bottle and it landed on Nikolai.

“Dare.” He rubbed his hands together eagerly.

“Lick the floor.” Mia replied simply.

“Really?” He gave her a look of disgust.

“ _Rules are rules_ , Nikolai.” I reminded him.

“Fine.” He spat, glaring at me and then crouching down to the floor. In his drunken state, he almost fell over, but he quickly ran his tongue across the carpet.

“Ewwww…” Maureen squealed.

Nikolai licked and smacked his lips, pretending like he enjoyed it. He reached out and spun the bottle again. It landed on Sophie.

She stared down the barrel of the bottle silently for a moment before looking up at him. “Um…ok, truth.”

Nikolai smirked and tapped his chin like he was thinking hard. “What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?”

Sophie went completely still, and then her cheeks burned a vibrant pink. She gulped and looked down at the floor. Her hands grasped her knees tightly and she tried to laugh, but it came out more like a gurgle instead.

I glanced at Mia. The look she was giving Nikolai portrayed all kinds of disapproval.

Sophie shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. “Uh…umm… Well, uhh…” She hesitated. “I don’t know. The bed, I guess.”

“No, the _weirdest_ place, Soph.” Nikolai urged her on like she hadn’t understood his question.

She turned her eyes to him with defeat. “Yes, I heard you.”

He stared at her with wide eyes. “Oh wow, _Really?_ ”

“Give her a break.” Mia said.

Everyone else in the room had gone silent. Sophie’s discomfort was contagious, and none of us knew what to say. A question like that probably wouldn’t have phased anyone else in the room, but Sophie looked as if she wanted to sink into the sofa and disappear.

She shifted nervously in her seat again and her cheeks burned even brighter.

Nikolai laughed and took another drink, watching her with devious eyes. “Aww, that’s cute, Soph. You’re so innocent. I should have known.”

Sophie didn’t reply. She was trying to smile, but there was everything but amusement in her eyes.

I sat forward and pointed to the bottle. “Spin the bottle now, Soph.”

She chose not to meet my gaze as she reached in and spun it again. It landed on Maureen.

“Truth.” She replied.

Sophie took a deep breath and looked down at her lap. “Um, how about…what’s the strangest dream you’ve ever had?”

Maureen clapped her hands together. “Ok, so this one time, I dreamt that I was riding a purple unicorn through the streets of New York, and we were pulling the president in a carriage behind us. It was like a parade, and we were the main event. Oh, and there were dancing monkeys too.”

Mia laughed lightly. “And what were you _on_ that night?”

Maureen chuckled as she spun the bottle. “Nothing, actually.”

The bottle landed on Mia. Sophie had stood up to retrieve another beer from the fridge. It was another Guinness I’d brought.

“Dare.” Mia said.

“Ok…so, you have to kiss someone in this room, _on the lips_.”

Brent held up his hands and backed up. “Ok I’m out, I have a girlfriend.”

Mia bit her lip and looked back and forth between Nikolai and I. I held my breath. She was Sophie’s best friend. She probably knew that Sophie had a bit of a thing for him, and I doubted she wanted to disrespect her for that, so I braced myself to be chosen.

After a few more seconds of thought, Mia took a deep breath and stood up. “Alright Nikolai. A short one.”

Nikolai touched his heart. “Oh wow, I’m flattered.”

She walked over to him and leaned in to place the quickest kiss possible on his lips. But as she started to back away, he grabbed her arm for just a second and held her to him longer than she’d intended.

She pressed her hand against his shoulder to push him away before she finally took her seat. “I can’t believe I chose you after you just licked the floor.”

I watched her with interest, trying to understand why she _did_ kiss him instead of me. The reasoning should have pointed otherwise.

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Nikolai winked at her.

Ignoring him, she spun the bottle and it landed on me.

I clenched my teeth, wanting to be done with the game. “Uhhh…let’s see…let’s do a dare.”

Mia grinned. “Let’s see some of those dance moves.”

I shook my head and laughed. I should have guessed. “Which ones?”

“The ballroom ones, of course!” She encouraged.

I stood up and looked around the room. “By myself?”

Mia tapped her chin in contemplation. “How about with your darling Tatiana?”

Sophie, still reeling from the anxiety of her last question, narrowed her eyes at Mia briefly, but then she stood up too.

I smiled softly and held out my hand to her. She crossed the small space between us and placed her fingers in mine. They were cold with unease.

“Ok, put your hand on my shoulder.” I gently instructed as I took her waist and pulled her just a little closer, but not enough to make her even more uncomfortable. “And follow my lead.”

I used my hand on her waist to guide her in a few steps around the room while Mia cheered from behind us.

“Aidan, the hat really completes the look!” Mia laughed.

Sophie stumbled a few times, but she caught on quickly and reacted to my lead fairly well. Her eyes barely met mine, instead focusing on my shoulder or the walls around us, and after a few more seconds I tilted my head to try and look at her. “A spin?”

She looked up at me finally. I could see in her eyes that she’d had more to drink tonight than on the other occasions I’d been with her. She wanted to be numb too. Her expression, in reaction to my question, was full of apprehension.

I smiled. “Ready?”

Her response was the smallest nod, so I gave a little shove to her waist with my hand, and she spun away and looked back at me with a grin she couldn’t quite contain. I smiled and tugged her hand, spinning her back under my arm to finish the move.

Mia whooped and hollered, cheering for our big finish. I dropped Sophie’s hand and she quickly took her seat again.

I looked at Nikolai who was staring at Sophie, licking his lips like he wanted to devour her. He rested his arm across the back of the sofa, smugly taking another drink and shaking his head. “Only in _bed_.” He chuckled softly.

Sophie looked out the window silently, sipping her beer.

I stared at him for a muted moment. His snarky comments may have been welcome in a different setting, but he _must_ have seen how uncomfortable he was making her. It was written all over her face. I wondered what could possess him to be so utterly disrespectful. I’d have liked to think it was the alcohol. But I knew that wasn’t the truth.

I reached forward and spun the bottle. It twisted and turned for a few seconds until it faced directly at Nikolai.

He blinked drunkenly at me briefly and then grinned. “Dare.”

I silently stood up and walked to the kitchen. I took an empty glass from the cupboard and filled it to the brim with cold tap water, and then I returned, holding it out to him.

He looked at me quizzically for a moment.

“Stand up.” I instructed without a smile.

He laughed and set his beer on the side table, and then he stumbled as he got to his feet. I pushed the glass toward him, indicating that he should take it.

He finally did, and then waited for me again. “Now what?”

I stepped backwards and stared directly at him. “Pour it down your pants.”

Next to us, Brent lifted his fist to his mouth and snickered. Maureen burst into laughter.

Nikolai hung his head to the side and laughed. “ _Really_ , man?”

“ _Rules are rules_.” I replied simply, taking my seat.

He sighed and undid his belt with one hand so that he could pull the waistband of his jeans away from his boxers.

We all stared at him while he took another deep breath, glaring at his glass of water. He lifted his eyes to mine one more time and smirked. “You’re a prick.”

I returned a tight smile as I blinked silently at him.

He didn’t waste much time. We all watched as he poured the entire glass of cold water down the front of his pants, creating a gigantic, dark, wet spot all the way across his crotch.

Maureen burst into laughter again, Mia was giggling into her hand, and Sophie was watching it all happen with wide eyes and an actual smirk.

I breathed deeply and got up to get another beer from the fridge. “I think that’s a good place to end _that_ game.”

Mia nodded and laughed. “Need a towel, Nik? It’s ok, sometimes we have accidents.”

“Shut up.” He snorted, waddling his way to the bathroom.

I grinned as I opened my beer and leaned against the counter, watching the rest of them laugh. The room looked brighter now. I was content.

But I glanced at Sophie and saw that she was whispering something to Mia, who was also responding quietly. They both got up and left to the bedroom.

I furrowed my brow as I watched them leave.

“Cable’s still out.” Brent sighed, looking at his watch. “It’s almost a half hour to midnight.”

Maureen met me in the kitchen and grabbed another beer for herself. “Still rockin’ that hat, Aidan.”

I laughed and pulled from my head, having forgotten that it was there. “Thanks.”

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” She smiled, leaning against the counter next to me.

I nodded and smiled tightly. “It was _interesting_.”

“I can’t believe you got Nik to dump that glass down his pants.” She laughed. “He’s gonna hate you now.”

I nodded again. “I can take him.”

Maureen pushed herself away from the counter and looked at me with a grin. “Show me some dance moves.” She took my free hand and tried to pull me towards her.

I laughed and shook my head. “Maybe later. I’m knackered.”

She cocked her head to the side and watched me with pleading eyes, but then she blinked and nodded, releasing my hand. “Ok, rain check?”

“Sure,” I replied simply, not convinced that I really meant it.

She rested her elbows on the counter and stared at the blank TV. “What are we gonna do without the ball drop? It’s the best part.”

I looked at the bedroom door where Sophie and Mia had disappeared. They still hadn’t returned.

“Aidan?” Maureen asked. “Are you disappointed that you don’t have anyone to kiss this year?”

I looked back at her and took another swig. “Not particularly.”

She pursed her lips with a frown and studied the label on her beer.

At the same time, Mia emerged from the bedroom alone. “Ok, Maureen, these boys clearly can’t get the TV fixed. Let’s see what we can do.”

Maureen grabbed a strawberry from the half-eaten fruit tray and popped it in her mouth before following Mia to the TV without another word.

I looked at the bedroom door. It was still open. I bit my lip and studied it for a moment. Was she ok?

I slowly pushed away from the counter and strolled through the room, pretending like I was studying the décor. Nikolai appeared back from the bathroom again with only slightly less wet pants and sat down near the phone to ring the front desk again. When I reached the bedroom doorway, I casually peered in. I didn’t see Sophie at first, but then I noticed a glass door that opened to a balcony. She stood alone outside, leaned away against the railing.

I looked at the rest of the group. They were all preoccupied with the television, so I slipped through the doorway and made my way to the balcony. The door was already open, so I came to stand near it. “It sure is quieter out here.”

Sophie swung her head around when she heard me. She smiled tightly and nodded before turning back toward the horizon, which was spotted with millions of little lights.

I stepped up to the railing too, being careful to leave a good meter between us. Neither of us spoke for a few moments as we watched the hustle and bustle of the city beneath us.

“So, Brent’s been _skinny dipping_.” I finally said.

A small giggle escaped Sophie’s lips. “So, he has.” She took another sip of her beer.

“And is also apparently unphased by hot sauce.” I added.

She smirked into the breeze as it blew strands of blonde around her face. She turned to look at me and spoke quietly. “Thanks.”

I blinked and smiled. “For what?”

“For pouring water down Nikolai’s pants.”

I grinned and looked down at my bottle. “He’s the one who did it. I just offered the suggestion.”

Sophie laughed again. “Well, thanks.”

I gazed at one of the buildings in the distance, watching the lights flicker in a room even higher than ours, where another party was likely playing out. I cleared my throat and frowned. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She sighed.

I waited.

“I really hate that game.” She sighed again.

“He was too hammered to be picking his questions carefully.” I watched her stare at the sky.

She shook her head and frowned. “No, it was a perfectly reasonable question. I just don’t have a good answer for it. That’s my fault.”

My brows pulled together just slightly. “Why is it your fault?”

She looked down at her fingers and twisted them together absently. “My life is incredibly dull and unadventurous. That’s my fault.”

“You just flew across the world to film a movie. That’s hardly unadventurous or dull.” I suggested.

She looked at me with disapproval. “You know I’m not talking about that.”

I swallowed and waited for her to continue again. She was being more honest than usual, maybe due to the aid of the few drinks she’d had tonight, and I was eager to listen.

She sighed again and then laughed lightly. “Deep down, I’m really not _that_ dull, I promise. I just got dealt a bad hand and haven’t given myself the opportunity to change things since then. I’ve only had the one boyfriend, Jeff, and that was a terribly boring failure. And other than that, there was just the one other guy – the one-night-stand…” She shuddered. “Who…well, basically scared me from being adventurous ever again.”

I sucked in a long, slow, silent breath through my lips. It was all making sense now. Our night in Malibu became clearer; the way she’d been so nervous to flirt with me, her eager but anxious nature as we’d rode back to my hotel, the sudden shift in her demeanor once things had heated up between us.

She laughed again, taking another drink. “It’s so ridiculous. Nikolai is right. I’m freakishly innocent. It’s embarrassing.”

I smiled gently. “I don’t think it’s ridiculous at all.”

She shot me a look that said she didn’t believe me.

“You’re only 22.” I paused. “You’re still so young. I don’t think you have anything to be embarrassed about.

“You say that like you’re an old man.” She frowned.

I smirked. “I’ve got a few years on you.”

She turned away again, and I blinked at her silhouetted profile, watching her silently for a moment. I was trying to carefully put my words together in my head. I didn’t want to make her so uncomfortable that she’d stop being honest. “How long ago did you date Jeff?”

She took a breath. “Almost four years ago.”

The pieces fell even further into place. “And what happened with…the one-night-stand, if you don’t mind me asking?”

She shook her head and looked down again. “Well, I’d broken up with Jeff only a week prior. The reason we broke up…” She paused. “was because I was painfully bored. There was no spark there keeping us together. No spontaneity, no thrill. He was…well… _in bed_ …he was _plain_ … I know that sounds stupid, but I’m not sure he ever _really_ wanted me actually.” She hugged an arm around herself. “And so, after that disappointment, I craved something exciting, and I agreed to go with this awful college jock back to his room because he was hot, and he was all over me, and I was…curious.”

I turned my beer around in my fingers silently, listening patiently.

She frowned, still not looking at me. “I figured I’d give it a try, right?” She stared out at the horizon like she was re-living it all over again. “Well, let’s just say he got what he wanted and told me to go home.” She paused. “If you’ve never felt worthless before, that’s a good way to find out what it’s like.”

It was now my turn to frown. He’d taken advantage. Jerks like that made a bad name for the rest of us. She was clearly so traumatized by her experience that she hadn’t been with anyone in _four years_. The fact that _we’d_ almost slept together now held so much more gravity. And if her last experience had been so disappointing, she was justifiably afraid of being vulnerable again.

I spoke cautiously. “So, understandably, you wrote off adventure after that?”

She shook her head and finally looked at me. “No, not adventure. Just risk.” She blinked at me bravely, trying to focus through her obvious buzz. “I _want_ the adventure. I just want it with someone who actually cares. I want it with someone I can trust, and someone who really _wants_ to be with _me_. You’re not gonna get that on a one-night-stand with a stranger.”

I watched as she tore her eyes away from me again and looked back down at the streets below. I would have been lying to myself if I didn’t admit that this newfound knowledge of her innocence sent my feelings for her in a new direction. Not in the creepy, disrespectful way that Nikolai had reacted, but in knowing that Sophie was starved of the attention that I already so desperately wanted to give her.

I gulped.

But then I took a slow breath in an attempt to cleanse my thoughts. I knew myself and my own feelings, and I knew that I couldn’t give her _everything_ she wanted. “You want commitment.” I said simply.

She nodded, but then shook her head. “Yes, but…I had that with Jeff, and I still wasn’t happy. So, commitment, yes, but in the right environment, with the right person, you know?” She looked at me again for understanding.

I smiled tightly and nodded. I understood. My heart actually understood more than my brain did. I wanted it too; a happily ever after. But I frowned. I wished I were so willing to accept commitment with open arms as she was, but even the sound of the word still sent a bad taste to my mouth. I remembered so clearly finding Heather with that all-too-naked man in her apartment, and it was something I wasn’t going to easily forget. Commitment was dangerous. Just as dangerous as a risky adventure was to Sophie.

“You’ll find it.” I finally said quietly.

She took a deep breath and sighed. “At this point, I’m not sure he exists.”

I smiled softly. “He probably doesn’t even know it yet. But he’ll be one lucky bloke.”

The corners of her lips turned up and she smiled at me. “Thanks, Aidan.”

“And if you need me to dump water down anyone else’s pants, let me know. I’m your guy.” I grinned.

She laughed and nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“It’s back on! The TV’s working again!” Maureen called through the doorway.

I raised my brows to Sophie and sighed. “Shall we?”

She took a deep breath and downed the rest of her Guinness in one gulp. “Let’s go.”

When we got back to the living room, there were just five minutes left until midnight, and everyone was huddled in front of the TV, watching the last performance before the new year. Sophie leaned against the edge of the sofa, watching the screen. I poised myself on the opposite side of the room from Maureen, because I was sure she’d try once more to convince me to kiss her at midnight if I gave her the opportunity.

I watched Sophie for a moment. I knew her honesty with me tonight wasn’t planned. As shy as she was, I knew she’d probably regret it tomorrow, so I made a conscious decision not to bring it up again unless she did.

Nikolai walked over to her. He flung his lazy, drunken arm around her shoulder and leaned into her, whispering something into her ear. She slid out from underneath his arm and stepped away. I watched closely. She was clearly no longer interested in him, but he wasn’t catching the hint at all.

As the seconds ticked down until the new year, I looked around the room, realizing that no one here would kiss anyone at midnight. Brent was texting his girlfriend, Mia was watching the screen intently, Maureen was practically pouting that I wasn’t paying her any attention, Nikolai was so drunk he didn’t even realize how disrespectful he was being, Sophie clearly just wanted to leave, and _me_? I just wanted to be alone with her. I just wanted to be sitting with her in a quiet room, letting her tell me more about herself. Listening to her fears and her dreams, and doing anything I could to make this night a little less horrible for her.

3…

2…

1…

The bright, crystal ball dropped to the bottom of its pole, and all at once, sparkling, extravagant fireworks exploded on the screen as confetti fell from the skies and the camera cycled through dozens of happy New York couples kissing their husbands and their wives, their boyfriends and girlfriends, the ones they loved the most.

I blinked away from the screen and looked at Sophie. She’d finally distanced herself from Nikolai, who’d sunken down onto the sofa with half-closed eyes. Sophie glanced at me for a moment. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us wanted to. But neither of us _needed_ to. There was an unspoken understanding between us. She knew that I truly _saw_ her tonight, and even if her honesty was mostly fueled by the Guinness that ran through her veins, I knew that she trusted me so much more than she had before. And even if that that trust would only ever be applied to a friendship, _tonight_ it was still the most important thing in the world to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, there was a lot to unpack in this chapter, but I think Aidan is starting to see Sophie a little more clearly now, whether she meant to show him or not... But, if his feelings continue to grow, will there come a point when he can trust her with his wounded heart? Will he want to? Will she?


	15. Chapter Fifteen - Sophie

  


_**SOPHIE** _

The morning of January first, I opened my eyes to the bright white ceiling of my small studio apartment – the one provided to me for the duration of our shoot in southern California. I blinked for a moment, trying to recount the last twelve hours, which were slightly fuzzy. I’d lost count of how many beers I’d consumed, which was out of character for me. I glanced to my right. Mia was on the sofa nearby, still sound asleep.

Within seconds, the memory of Nikolai’s devious smirk hit me with perfect clarity. I raised my forearm to my head and groaned. Waves of embarrassment washed over me again as I remembered the question he’d asked me and the shame he’d made me feel for answering the way I did. I hated any party games that took place in the presence of alcohol, because the topics always turned sexual. And I always came out looking like ‘silly little innocent Sophie’ in the end. And Nikolai did an A+ job of making me feel even worse about it last night.

Any interest I’d had for him was now long gone. He was like all the rest; enticing at first glance, but a complete _ass_ once his true colors came out.

I remembered feeling at a loss for control, and completely helpless against him when I failed to provide a good comeback, and I’d ignored him, looking out the window and wishing I were on the other side of the glass, down on the streets, out of sight, away from him. But then Aidan had dared him to spill water down his pants, and somehow, that almost made everything ok again.

I could still see the wet spot soaking through the front of his pants and the sound of Maureen’s laughter. And then I remembered the look on Aidan’s face as he’d watched it happen. There wasn’t a smile there. He wasn’t amused like everyone else was.

That’s when I knew that he’d done it for me. And in my intoxicated state, I looked at him through a different lens. Through the drunken filter of my mind, he was like a knight in shining armor, come to save me from the unrelenting grip of the dragon, Nikolai.

I shook my head, trying to clear my memories and my feelings from my mind. I really _was_ out of it last night.

But then I recalled that the evening didn’t end there. We’d danced. I could still feel the gentle press of Aidan’s hand on my waist as he’d lead me across the floor. I’d had no idea what I was doing, but somehow, he’d been able to guide me through it anyway. It was like each of his precise movements had magically instructed my body in its movements too. He’d spun me with ease, and then pulled me back into his arm. He was _good_. I smiled.

But, then we’d spoken…on the balcony. _Oh, no._ We’d spoken about _me_.

I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow, groaning again.

“What’s wrong?” Mia stretched her arms and peered at me from the sofa.

I turned my head and glanced at her briefly before squeezing my eyes shut and letting out a long breath. “You know how I get really talkative and honest when I’m drunk?”

Mia sat up and yawned. “Yeah, that’s when I get all your secrets out of you.”

I buried my head again. “Well, Aidan got to me last night…”

“Uh oh, what did you tell him?” She sat up with interest.

I pushed myself up onto my knees and ran my hands through my hair. “I told him about Jeff, and I told him about that jerk who used me…” I paused as the memories flooded in so quickly. “Oh my God, I told him that I hadn’t slept with anyone since then, and…oh no… I told him that Jeff was plain in bed, and that I’m really innocent but that I _want to be more adventurous_.” I wiped my hand down my face and stared at her in shocked desperation. “Oh my Godddd…please kill me now…”

Mia had her lips pressed together like she was trying to hold in a smirk. “Oh, Soph…I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

I shook my head and groaned once more. “No…it was…Now he definitely sees me as the naïve girl who only has sex in bed…”

Mia laughed this time but tried to stifle it with her hand. “But, isn’t that kinda true?”

I lifted my widened eyes to hers. “Yes, but…” I pleaded. “I don’t _want_ to be that innocent…”

She raised an eyebrow. “And that’s true too.”

I pouted. “But I don’t want him to _know_ that…”

Mia laughed freely this time. “Well, he does now.”

“Ughhhh…” I moaned, dropping my face to my pillow again.

Mia came to sit next to me on the bed and placed her hand on my back. Her voice was full of amusement, surely resulting from my illogical mindset. “I’m sure it’s not nearly as bad as you remember it. How did he respond?”

I lifted my head again and shrugged. “He didn’t say a whole lot. I think he was just trying to figure out what was _wrong_ with me.”

Mia rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with you. He was probably just trying to understand your feelings a bit better. It’s clear that he’s got it bad for you.”

My eyes shot up to hers. “ _What?”_

Mia laughed and sat back to watch me. “Have you seen the way he looks at you? His eyes were almost exclusively on you last night.”

I blinked at her and frowned. “No, he likes Maureen.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Not the way I saw it.”

“No,” I shook my head. “That doesn’t make any sense. We’re just friends. We agreed on that. And besides, why would he like _me?_ He’s not looking for a relationship. He knows I am. He knows that even more now after what I told him last night. Why would he waste his time?”

Mia shrugged. “He can like you while also knowing that it wouldn’t work out. It doesn’t mean he’s going to act on his feelings. I mean, _you_ like _him_ , but you know it would never work.”

I clenched my fists. “I _don’t_ like him.”

She laughed again and stood up. “You two are hilarious.”

“No, we’re not.” I crossed my arms.

Mia turned on the coffee maker and pulled two mugs from the cabinet, ignoring my defiance. “Oh, also, Nikolai is a complete pig. I can’t believe I kissed him. You’re welcome for that.”

I wanted to keep defending myself against her accusations about my feelings towards Aidan, but I sighed. “Yeah, he’s only gotten worse. I’m sorry you had to kiss him too.”

She shrugged. “Well, I certainly wasn’t going to kiss Aidan. That’s your turf.”

I forced out an exasperated breath. “I don’t care who he kisses.”

“Well, apparently he hasn’t kissed anyone since he kissed _you_ in Malibu.”

I bit my cheek. “I know, that was slightly surprising.”

“Not to me.” She replied simply, watching the coffee drip into the carafe.

I ignored her. “Well, in any case, I’ll be marking Nikolai off my list of potential suitors.”

Mia poured us both a cup and came to sit next to me again. She looked at me closely. “Yeah, I don’t trust him, Soph. I know he was mad-drunk last night, but…keep your distance.”

I nodded. “He’s fairly harmless when he’s sober, but yeah, I agree, he doesn’t deserve any kind of attention.” I took a sip of the warm, comforting coffee while I attempted to mentally plan my avoidance of Nikolai, but the only face that came to my mind was Aidan’s. And all I could do was fret over the honest thoughts I’d shared with him, and the vulnerable state I now found myself in, knowing he knew so much.

***

We had the weekend off from filming, so Mia and I spent Saturday and Sunday together. We went to the beach, we watched movies, and I did everything in my power to avoid thinking about what I’d told Aidan. But Monday eventually came, and I found myself back on set again.

The inside of the enormous sound stage was built up with multiple rooms and hallways, made to look like the inside of Tatiana’s family’s apartment. This week, there were a lot of cast members on set; including Brent and Maureen, and the actors who played Tatiana’s mother, father, and grandparents. It would be different than most of the cold snowy walks and trekking through the woods with just Aidan. I was excited for the prospect of working with some new faces.

Nikolai was there too, as always. He didn’t seem to care one bit that he’d made a fool of himself at the party, or that he’d hurt anyone’s feelings. He just went back to his job, monitoring our accents, like nothing had happened.

Maureen and I began with a scene in Tatiana’s and Dasha’s shared bed. The relationship between the sisters was strained for many reasons. Dasha was older than Tatiana, she was more confident and more worldly than Tatiana, _and_ she was engaged to Alexander.

Through a series of unfortunate misunderstandings and promises they could no longer come back from, Alexander and Tatiana were forced to hide their feelings from each other when in the presence of others, and it drained on them both.

I lay in bed next to Maureen, and we worked through our scenes, most of which revolved around Dasha going on and on about Alexander while Tatiana stared at the wall, wishing she could dissolve into it. For the majority of the morning, I stared at the peeling wallpaper, and I pretended like I _needed to pretend_ to feel forlorn.

After the last scene with just Maureen and I, George stood up and marked his script. “Ok, let’s move on and get Aidan in here.”

There was a very specific scene when Alexander spent the night in their apartment because of the dangerous bombing outside. Because he was engaged to Dasha, he spent the night in their cramped apartment _in bed_ with both of the girls. Tatiana next to the wall, Dasha in the middle, and Alexander on the end.

Aidan walked onto the set, wearing a loose-fitting linen shirt and pants. It was the first time I’d seen him since the party. I tried to catch his eye, but he didn’t meet my gaze at all. I frowned. If Mia was right, and he _was_ interested in me, he certainly didn’t know how to show it well. Maureen scooted closer to me in the bed and Aidan laid down next to her.

Nikolai was close by, biting his pencil as he studied the script, and when he looked up at the three of us, he smirked. “Well now, three’s company, huh?”

Maureen snuggled into her tight spot between us and laughed. “It’s quite cozy.”

“Not too cozy though, right?” He winked at me like he thought he was actually being comical.

“Shut up, Nik.” Aidan’s voice came loud and clear from the other side of Maureen.

Nikolai glared at him, muttered something under his breath, and then closed his mouth and returned to his script.

“Ok, ready on set?” Someone called.

Everyone went silent.

“And, ACTION.”

The cameras were focused on me, but Maureen faced Aidan, and began her lines quietly. “You said before that we would get married – when, my love, when?”

“Let’s wait, Dasha.” He whispered back.

“Wait for what? You said we would do it when you got leave. Let’s get married tomorrow.”

I turned to my wall.

“Dasha, listen to me.” Aidan whispered. “The fighting is too intense. If I get taken by the Germans and we’re married, you will lose your rations. You. Tatiana. Your mother and grandmother. I would have to get killed to keep you getting your bread.”

“Oh, Alexander. Oh, no.”

“We’ll wait.” He said quietly.

“Wait for what?”

“For a better time.”

A pause before she spoke again. “Will there be a better time?”

“Yes.”

We ran the scene a few times through until George was happy, and then we moved on to a dialogue-less scene when Dasha would get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. Her absence left no barrier between Alexander and Tatiana, and they were allowed a private moment finally.

Everything had moved so fast this morning that I still hadn’t even interacted with Aidan yet, so when George called action and Maureen quietly got out of bed, Aidan and I turned to each other for the first time since the party, and I looked into his eyes; the eyes that I’d been so honest with. He blinked at me for a moment, just watching me watch him. And then, following the script, Aidan moved his leg under the blanket so that it just barely touched mine. The action was wordless and simple, but in that moment, Tatiana knew that Alexander was still there for her. And I realized that maybe I felt that inside myself too.

The short scene ended with the sound of Dasha returning, and I closed my eyes as Aidan pulled his leg back to his side of the bed.

We broke for lunch. Nikolai, Brent, Aidan, Maureen, and I all sat at one of the tables, eating and chatting about the remaining scenes for the day.

“Sophie,” Nikolai said. “I think we should work on your accent a little bit more. Your r’s are a bit off.”

I nodded as I looked at my plate.

“Maybe we can meet for the next few Wednesdays after we wrap for the day?” He paused. “Maybe back at the apartments?”

I looked up at him. “Ok, yeah, we can meet in the lounge.” I was determined to suggest a public place before he started inviting me up to his room.

He blinked at me for a moment and I saw the disappointment there. “Alright…that works.”

Aidan ate his food silently. Maureen was on her phone. Brent was studying his script.

I cleared my throat. The mood was too serious. “So, uh, tomorrow we start the kitchen scenes. At least we get to eat all day, right?”

Aidan looked up and smiled, but at the same time, Sarah, our intimacy coordinator, appeared next to our table. I blinked at her with confusion, because we weren’t supposed to need her for another few weeks.

She smiled. “Aidan and Sophie, can we chat briefly?”

We glanced at each other and nodded, and then she motioned for us to follow her to a corner of the set. When we arrived at a quieter spot, she stopped and turned around, opening up her script.

“So, tomorrow’s schedule was supposed to be kitchen scenes in the Metanova house.” She turned a page. “But that set is not quite ready yet, so we’re looking at adjusting the schedule.”

We silently watched as she shuffled through the script.

“A really easy set to pick up on tomorrow would be the tent scenes.” She looked up at us.

I gulped. “Both tent scenes?”

She nodded. “Yes, I think we could fit both of them easily into one day.”

There were two tent scenes in the script. The first took place when Alexander washed Tatiana’s badly injured body following the bombing.

The second was the first time they made love.

“We’ll probably shoot them in reverse order.” She continued. “So that we won’t have to spend time washing off your wound makeup in between. Better to just add it on after we finish the love scene.”

Aidan was quiet beside me. I peered at him from the corner of my eye. He kept his gaze on Sarah, and I somehow knew he was giving me the chance to speak first. I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to suggest another scene. Those scenes weren’t supposed to be shot for two more weeks. I’d been trying not to think about them just yet.

My stomach twisted and turned with new nerves. It was too soon after I’d been so vulnerable with him. I felt stripped already. He knew too much about my innocent past. I was hoping that two weeks would allow Aidan to forget the honest things I’d told him. I wasn’t prepared for this yet. The emotions and the actions and the expressions of the scene were _so much more_ than I was ready to face with him.

But I nodded, and the words, “Ok, that’s fine with me,” came from my mouth.

“Fine by me too.” Aidan replied as soon as I had.

Sarah smiled. “Ok, that’s great. Sorry to change things up on you both. But I think this’ll be a good time to fit these scenes in. I’d like you both to show up at 6am tomorrow, because we’ll need to sit down at talk through the exact details before we get started. Ok?”

We both nodded, and at the same time, George called us from across the room. Aidan and I walked back towards the set in complete silence. I panicked, knowing that I should at least say _something_ to him. A comment, a joke, a laugh… _something_. But nothing came out of my mouth, and nothing came out of Aidan’s either. We just moved on, as if the schedule change was nothing worth mentioning.

Maybe it wasn’t. _I_ was the crazy one here, after all.

I was out of sorts for the rest of the day, and we had to reshoot multiple scenes too many times because I’d forgotten my lines, or George didn’t like the way I delivered one. It was embarrassing, and I felt bad that I was holding things up, but I was only thinking about tomorrow, and those anxious thoughts didn’t leave room for much else.

When we finally wrapped for the day, almost two hours behind schedule, we all carpooled back to the apartment complex where we all stayed. Everyone was tired and quiet, but when I got out of the car, Aidan stepped up next to me.

“Do you want to take a walk?” He asked.

I glanced up at him and swallowed nervously. “Sure, what’s up?” I asked innocently, like I had no idea.

He pointed us towards a sidewalk that circled the apartment buildings, and we began to walk.

Aidan was silent for a long moment. I gazed ahead, waiting for him to speak, wondering if I should say something first. But just before it became uncomfortable, he finally did. “I want to make sure you know that tomorrow is going to be less horrible than you expect it to be.”

I blinked at him and started to shake my head, but he continued. “I’ve done this before…love scenes… They’re really all very technical and rehearsed. And especially with Sarah there…”

I cleared my throat and tried to hide the pesky blush that wanted to creep into my cheeks again. “Oh, I’m not worried.”

“Yes you are.” He said simply. He still hadn’t looked at me.

I stared at the side of his face for a few seconds. Who was he to tell me if I was worried or not? He was calling me out.

But he wasn’t wrong.

“No, I’m not.” I lied.

Aidan scratched his cheek and took a deep breath. He almost smiled. “Ok, fine, if you say so.”

We were both mute for a moment. I stared at the sidewalk in front of us. Why did he care that I was nervous, anyway? His job wasn’t to care. His job was to do the scene, and be done with it.

I cleared my throat. “So, um, is that all?”

“I guess so, since you’re not worried.”

I let out a long, agitated breath and stopped in place. “Why are you trying to make me think that I’m worried?”

He chuckled, still continuing to walk and leaving me behind. “I’m not trying to make you think anything. I just wanted to give us the chance to talk about it if one of us had any reservations.”

I furrowed my brow as I had to catch up to him. “Do _you_ have any reservations?”

“Only that I’d fail to make sure you were comfortable. I know this was something you were hesitant about from the start.” He shrugged.

I was quiet for a few seconds before I spoke again, repeating his words. “ _You’ve_ shot love scenes before.”

“Yes, I have.” He replied. “None with quite the emotional backstory of Tatiana and Alexander though. So tomorrow will be different for me too.”

I nodded, thinking about the characters. “She’s quite vulnerable with him.”

“ _Tatiana_ is very vulnerable.” He clarified. “But I don’t want you to feel that way.”

I sighed, realizing I was going to have to bring up the obvious. “This is about what I told you at the party, isn’t it?”

There was a pause before he spoke. “You were very honest with me the other night.”

“Too honest.” I replied quietly.

“Why do you think that?”

I sighed again and closed my eyes. “Because you didn’t need to know all of those details about my past.” I paused. “It was too personal. I’m fairly mortified…”

He replied gently. “I’m not going to tell anyone.”

I pursed my lips. He didn’t understand.

“I promise, I won’t tell anyone.” He repeated.

“I know…” I sighed. “But _you_ know. That’s the part that bothers me.”

He was quiet, so I continued. “It’s just, ugh, it’s even weirder now than I ever expected it to be.”

There were quite a few seconds of silence, like he was deep in his own mind. But he finally spoke again. “Well, I would hate to think that we’re going to go into tomorrow on unequal ground.”

“Unequal ground?”

“Me, knowing something so personal about you, but you knowing nothing about me.” He clarified. “We can’t help that there will be _some_ sense of vulnerability tomorrow between us, but I know it wasn’t easy for you to tell me what you did, and I don’t want you to feel more exposed than I do.”

Agreeing with him would be admitting that he was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to continue lying. I took a deep breath.

“So how do you see us leveling the field?” I asked with reluctance.

He looked down at me for the first time since we’d begun our walk. He visibly swallowed. “Ask _me_ something personal.”

I closed my mouth and stared at him. I had been half-way drunk when I’d revealed my truths that night. What was he going to tell me while completely sober?

“I…um…” I hesitated.

“Anything. Think of it as the ultimate truth in a game of truth or dare.” He repeated, watching me with determined, but slightly wary eyes.

I studied him for a moment. I didn’t understand why he cared so much to make sure I was comfortable, especially if tomorrow’s scene would be as technical and unromantic as he claimed it to be. But there was a specific question that I’d asked him before, and he’d tiptoed around the answer. Was it safe to try again? He had to know my mind would go there.

I pressed my lips together and looked back down at the sidewalk. “Ok, why don’t you do relationships?” I regretted the words almost as soon as they left my lips again, because he’d been so harshly against explaining himself before. It felt like a manipulative move to re-ask a question that troubled him so.

He took a deep breath and shoved his hands into his pockets. I could immediately tell that whatever he was about to say wouldn’t be easy for him, so I tried to relax my own posture and give him the patience he required.

“Ok. It was, uh, almost 2 years ago now...” He looked out at the path we walked. “I was in a relationship.”

I blinked ahead, listening intently. I wasn’t expecting to him to have actually been in a relationship _so recently_ , knowing the negativity he had about the concept.

“I loved her.” His eyes avoided mine completely. “I’d fallen pretty hard. Thought she was the one.” He shook his head. “We were inseparable. She loved me too. Or so she said.” He was quiet.

I continued to watch him in silence, and then he actually looked at me again. “I came home one night and caught her cheating on me with a guy I didn’t even know.”

I gulped and blinked at him sadly. “Aidan, I’m sorry…”

He held my gaze. I could see the pain there, like a traumatic memory that wouldn’t go away.

“She saw me come in, but she didn’t even stop.” He pressed his lips together as his eyes told me the horror. “Nope, she just kept on going.”

My heart dropped for him. I didn’t have the experience to know the pain he’d endured, but I could see it so clearly within him. The night suddenly seemed quieter around us as I watched him blink at the ground again.

“And that was it. We never spoke again.” He sighed. “The most shocking thing to me was that a relationship that seemed so perfect could drastically change in an instant. And someone I thought had loved me was so clearly lying straight to my face… so much that she never even apologized. After that night, she just…disappeared.”

I was silent for a few drawn-out seconds as I put the pieces together and begun to finally understand where his motives and his reservations came from. He’d been vulnerable himself. He’d fallen in _love_. It had all come crashing down around him.

I thought about the way the guy from the college party had made me feel when he’d taken what he wanted and then asked me to leave. “So, you _do_ understand what it’s like.”

“What _what’s_ like?” He looked at me curiously.

I met his gaze with grief. “Having someone make you feel worthless.”

A sense of empathy crossed his expression and he nodded. “In a different way than you probably did, but yes.”

“You know she’s not the standard, right?” I peered up at him.

He observed me with gentle eyes. “You know _he_ wasn’t either, right?”

I looked down at the ground again and focused on my feet. They picked up pace on their own as my nerves spiked again. I let out a breath and tried to lighten the tone of my voice. “Well, this got deep.”

Aidan laughed softly from beside me. “That was not my original intention.”

I stopped walking as we came to a stop in front of my building. I bravely looked up at him again. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

He shrugged. “At least now we know why we’re so different.”

 _Yet, strangely the same._ I didn’t say the words, but I thought them. They were so raw and true, but I didn’t even understand them fully myself.

He smiled and looked towards the building. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

I nodded and returned his smile just slightly. “See you tomorrow.”

***

Tomorrow came too fast. I couldn’t stop thinking about Aidan’s words, and trying to figure out why he’d gone out of his way to be so cautious of my feelings. Memories of Mia’s words flooded my mind; ‘…he’s got it bad for you.’ I knew he’d been into me that night in Malibu, but that had been purely physical, for _both_ of us. Surely he was over that by now?

And at the forefront of my brain, I couldn’t help but wonder, if he’d loved before, could he maybe, deep down, desire that again someday?

With so many questions in my head, I barely slept, but somehow the night still flew by and before I knew it, I was on set as the sun came up the next morning. With a deep breath, I entered the building to find Sarah waiting for me.

“Good morning!” She beamed at me.

“Good morning.” I replied with the same smile, but slightly less enthusiasm.

She looked at her watch. “Before Aidan gets here, let’s go discuss wardrobe.” She gestured for me to follow her to the costume room. “So, this’ll be the first scene where you get to wear _the_ dress.” She pulled from the rack a white sundress with red flowers. It was the dress that Tatiana wore when she met Alexander – a scene that we hadn’t filmed yet – and it was a dress that she wore again much later in the story, because it was his favorite on her.

“It’s beautiful.” I touched the soft cotton fabric. I’d been fitted for it weeks ago, but this was my first time seeing the finished product.

Sarah tucked it under her arm and then shifted her focus to a drawer full of nude-colored garments. “But, you won’t have it on long, so let’s talk about what you’ll wear underneath.” She pulled out some low-cut underwear and a few small pieces that resembled adhesive, strapless, backless bras. “Your contract confirms that there will be no nudity, so you can be assured that whichever undergarments you choose _will_ stay on. It’s just about which ones you’re most comfortable wearing.”

She laid out the different styles. None of them looked particularly comfortable, but I studied them for a moment and pointed towards my choices. None of them covered even as much as a skimpy bathing suit, but it would be better than going with nothing.

Sarah also pulled a robe from the rack. “We’ll have this for you to wear in any situation where there is a break in filming.” She paused. “Any questions?”

I shook my head.

She smiled. “Ok, can you go see if Aidan has arrived and send him in as well?”

I nodded and left the room, quickly finding Aidan alone at one of the tables, studying his script.

When he saw me, he smiled. He looked brighter. He looked safer. He looked like a friend. I felt like I was seeing him a different light.

“Sarah wants to talk to you in wardrobe.” I pointed behind me.

“Oh, alright. I’ll be right back then.” He switched places with me and left to meet her.

I sat down at the table and laid my script in front of me. I stared at the words on the pages. I’d imagined for months how I’d make them believable in the moment. Tatiana was giving herself, for the first time, to Alexander. I remembered my first time. I’d been with Jeff. It had been sweet. He’d been gentle and patient with me. If first times were ranked based on the comfort level of those involved, mine would have scored high, because I wasn’t terribly worried or anxious. But at the same time – and I’d never admitted it to him – it had been kind of a letdown, and it remained that way throughout our entire relationship. It wasn’t bad sex. It was just _mediocre_. He didn’t seem to notice. It wasn’t a bad relationship. It was just _mediocre_. And I could tell that we both just continued on because we weren’t arguing, and to us, that meant it was a _good_ relationship. We didn’t talk about our problems. We just shoved them under the rug. I eventually ended it, because a relationship without conflicts and occasional lows doesn’t leave room for any of the highs, both emotionally and physically. We were a straight line; steady and even, but lacking anything really extraordinary.

Alexander and Tatiana had what Jeff and I did not. They fought, they made up, and they loved each other more deeply than even my own heart could comprehend yet. And today, I had to show that to the cameras. I had to become her, I had to love Alexander, I had to trust him, and I had to do it all with my face and my eyes and my touches and my words. I had to look at Aidan, who had to look at me, and we had to make the cameras believe that _we_ were in love.

I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath as Sarah and Aidan returned to the room.

“Ok, let’s chat.” Sarah said, sitting down and passing us both a packet of pages.

Aidan took the seat next to me as Sarah looked up at us and spoke. “This is sort of our map for the day. It’s a mostly closed set. It’ll be just me, George, one assistant, and two camera operators.”

Internally, I relaxed a bit. At _least_ Nikolai wouldn’t be here. That was one anxiety to check off my list.

“As agreed upon in your contracts,” She continued. “There will be no nudity. All camera angles will revolve around blocking the undergarments that you have both agreed to wear. Any questions?”

We both shook our heads.

“So, this is your script for the day.” She pointed at the pages in front of us. “It includes everything from your original scripts, except it also includes each and every bit of physical touch that we’ll block today. We’re going to go through it now, and make sure you’re both comfortable and in agreement.”

I looked down at the first page. My eyes landed on the highlighted notes; kisses and touches and hand placements. It was all very specific, and while I knew it was supposed to ease my nerves, it only made me more anxious, realizing the details of what we’d be doing.

We read though the entire scene, and we talked about every note. I was sure my cheeks burned pink multiple times without my consent, but Aidan was calm, and he asked Sarah the right questions. Because there was no nudity, our intimate touches would remain fairly tame, but the scene would depict their lovemaking through to completion, in a series of cuts, built like a montage.

To my embarrassment, but less so his, we were instructed on how to “move” to give the illusion of the act, and we were also both given expectations for our depictions of our climaxes. It was _so_ technical. The entire conversation was somewhere between completely mortifying and absolutely ridiculous.

But Sarah kept the tone lighthearted, and we laughed at the hilarity of the situation. I felt myself relax when we laughed, because it was mapped out so clearly for us that it was like a sports play. Aidan either wasn’t nervous, or he was doing an impeccable job of hiding it, because he didn’t seem phased by the requests.

When we’d finished discussing the details, Sarah closed her script. “Well, if you don’t have any more questions, you can head to hair and makeup, and I’ll see you on set in a bit?”

I nodded and smiled genuinely. “Thanks Sarah.”

Aidan and I stood up and made our way to our makeup and wardrobe rooms. He nudged me as we walked. “Not so bad, huh?” He winked.

“That was the easy part.” I chuckled nervously.

Aidan stopped and turned to me with a grin. “Weeks from now, we’ll be laughing about it.”

I nodded and smiled, and then he turned and left to his room.

After my makeup was applied and my hair was done, I had assistance adhering the nude bra and I changed into the underwear, and then I stood in front of the mirror. They certainly didn’t cover much, but it was enough. I looked at the curves of my pale skin, and the bits of my body that made me self-conscious, but I didn’t have time to contemplate my own self-image. I sighed, reached for the sundress, and pulled it on. It hugged me tightly around my chest, but flared out at the waist to create a full, short skirt. I took a deep breath, trying to imagine how Tatiana felt, knowing that she was about to lose her virginity.

Nervous.

Well, _that_ wouldn’t be hard to fake.

I grabbed my robe and hung it from my arm as I made my way through the hallway and to the set. In the center of the room was a small canvas tent with only three walls. It was made to look like a full tent, except the cameras were positioned at the open end. As promised, the only extra crew members on set were two camera operators and one assistant. Sarah and George stood together, and they were talking to Aidan.

Aidan was shirtless.

I took a deep, shaking breath.

“Hey, Sophie.” Sarah smiled at me. “Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I laughed nervously, walking towards the tent and gazing inside; doing anything to avoid looking at Aidan’s perfectly chiseled chest. _God, why did he have to be so gorgeous?_

Inside the tent was Alexander’s trench coat and a thick wool blanket. Studio lights surrounded it, making it appear as though daylight was creeping in through the seams.

“Ok, we’ll have you both kneel right there, Aidan on the right.” George pointed towards the wool blanket.

Aidan let me climb in first, and then he followed, coming down to kneel on the floor next to me. The assistant, who was a woman about my age, began adjusting the lighting, and then our hair, until everything was perfect.

“So, Alexander has just carried Tatiana into the tent, and you’re embracing already at the start of this scene.” George instructed. “Aidan, you’re going to be at her neck until she pulls you into the first kiss of the scene. We’ll start with two camera angles, and adjust as needed. Let’s start by running through until right before you remove her dress.” He sat down in his chair. “Are you both ready?”

Aidan looked at me. His gaze was gentle and patient, like rushing me was the last thing on his mind. A single curl hung onto his forehead. The same one that had misbehaved the night we kissed.

 _They did that on purpose._ I thought to myself. Of course they wanted to make him look irresistible for this scene.

I nodded as I took a breath. “Ready.”

“Ok,” George’s loud voice rang out in the quiet room. “And…ACTION.”

Aidan took my hands in his, looked at me for a moment, and then he pulled me into his bare chest as his lips found my neck, all warm against my skin.

“Shura…” I whispered into his hair. Leather, citrus, spice.

“Yes,” He whispered back. His hands trailed up and down my arms and his kisses migrated down to my shoulder until he pulled away and looked at me with a reserved gaze. Alexander’s character was anxious. He was still reeling from an argument they’d had the day before.

“What’s the matter?” I whispered.

He looked down at the ground. “You said so many upset things to me yesterday…not that I don’t deserve all of them…”

“You don’t deserve _all_ of them.” I smiled, trying to catch his gaze, but he wouldn’t look at me. “What?”

His shoulders rose and fell in a deep, troubled breath.

I watched him for a moment, contemplating his emotions as Tatiana did.

“Ask me.” I said simply.

He didn’t look at me.

I shook my head and smiled again. “Lift your head. Look at me.”

He lifted it slowly, raising his honey-colored eyes to mine in the dim light of the tent. I took his face in my hands, feeling the rough stubble on his cheeks against my skin. And then it was my turn. I didn’t have time to hesitate. I didn’t even have time to blush. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his with a smile. He reacted in earnest, pressing back into me to deepen the kiss for just a moment. But I quickly parted from him with my eyes still closed. “Alexander, the answer is yes…yes…of course I’ve saved myself for you.” I opened my eyes and looked into his. “I belong to you. What are you even thinking?”

Relief washed over his face, and then he smiled. “Oh, Tania….” He swallowed and blinked slowly. “You have no idea what that means to me…”

“Shh…” I cooed, leaning my forehead into his and closing my eyes again.

“You were right.” He replied. “I don’t deserve what you have to give to me.”

“If not you, who?” I asked, peering at his face, so close to mine. And then I let my eyes travel down across his bare chest, covered in dark hair. “Where are your hands?” I held my breath. “I want them.”

Aidan chuckled. “My _hands?”_ He found my lips and kissed me again, this time more firmly as his hands caressed my shoulders. And then he reached down to the hem of my dress.

“CUT.”

Aidan sat back from me immediately and took a deep breath. I cleared my throat and looked to George.

“That was great, really great. Let’s do it one more time with a few longer pauses for eye contact.” He said.

We did it again. His lips on my neck, my lips on his, our eyes tenderly locked on each other as we spoke.

George was happy with the second take, so we moved on.

When the cameras were rolling again, Aidan hooked his fingers under the hem of my dress, and then he pulled it over my head and tossed it aside. His eyes never left mine, hungry with need, and then his lips found my throat as he guided me down onto my back on the blanket.

He kissed down my chest and I closed my eyes, pretending to _pretend_ I was enjoying it. I was now very acutely aware that I was almost naked in front of him. He touched me so gently, but with the purpose and confidence that Alexander possessed.

He rested his ear just above my breast. “Your heart is pounding like gunfire.”

I wondered if he could hear that it really _was_.

He raised his head as he was hovered above me, and then he leaned in and kissed me again. I lifted my hands to his shoulders and pulled him closer. The bare skin of his chest met the almost bare skin of mine, and I felt my breath quicken.

“CUT.”

I took a deep breath as Aidan backed away just slightly. He grabbed my robe from within reach and handed it to me so that I could cover my practically naked chest. I smiled gently in gratitude.

We paused briefly so that the cameras could be moved to focus on our new position before we continued.

“Ok, Aidan.” Sarah crouched down next to us. For this next part, you’ll move your hand from her cheek, down to the _outside_ of her leg, like we talked about. The camera only sees your shoulder, but we’re making it seem as though your hand is actually more intimately touching her.” She looked at me. “Sophie, this is where you get to pretend like you’re really enjoying yourself.” She winked.

I took another breath as I removed the robe and Aidan lowered himself to me again. He looked into my eyes as he placed his hand along the side of my face. My nerves spiked again, because this specific part of the scene hit a little too close to home. In our steamy tangled mess of arms at the hotel in Malibu, he _had_ made it this far. His hand had traveled below my waist, and he’d touched me there, and he’d witnessed my response. For some reason, the fact that he’d seen my true reaction that night, made faking it so much more daunting.

“ACTION.”

Aidan watched me as I blinked up at him. We maintained eye-contact as he trailed his fingers, feather-light down the center of my chest, and to my leg. His unwavering gaze made me feel the most vulnerable yet, but I had no time to hesitate. When his fingers met my leg and he began to move his shoulder, I closed my eyes and bit my lip, allowing my breath to increase little by little. I tried to take inspiration for my expressions from my memories of Jeff and the way he had touched me, but when I opened my eyes again and saw Aidan watching me, all thoughts of anyone else left my mind.

Aidan buried his face in my neck again and I parted my lips, acting as thought the pressure and the pleasure continued to build, even though it wasn’t even there at all. I squeezed my eyes shut, like I was experiencing it all for the first time, but in the same moment, something else clicked in my mind, and I realized the hilarity of the situation; pretending to be in the throes of ecstasy with Aidan’s hand only simply resting on my leg.

“CUT.”

Aidan pulled away and I instantly felt an unstoppable urge to laugh. I brought my hand to my mouth and started to giggle.

He looked down at me and smirked.

“I’m sorry.” I giggled, trying to breathe deeply and stop my laughter. “It’s just so ridiculous.”

Aidan’s eyes crinkled. “It is, innit?”

George laughed. “You guys are doing great. Let’s run it again, but all the way up to the point that Aidan stops, and Sophie, you’ll give your response.”

We both nodded and Aidan lowered himself back down. He grinned, and I finished my last bout of giggles before clearing my throat and composing myself.

“You ready? He smirked.

“Yes.” I chuckled one more time, and then I put on my serious face.

“Ok.” George spoke. “And…ACTION.”

We ran the same portion of the scene again, and I arched my neck back, pressing my head into the blanket as Aidan kissed just under my ear. My bout of laughter had made me more confident and relaxed, knowing that the whole situation was silly to both of us, and I gave my best performance of building pleasure.

Then, on cue, he pulled his arm away and raised his head to look at me.

My eyes flew open and my voice was breathless. “Wait, don’t stop.”

Aidan kissed my forehead. “My sweet, sweet, Tania. Tell me what you want.” He whispered.

I stared at him, breathing hard, and when he looked at me again, I licked my lips. “I don’t know. What else have you got?”

Just the tiniest upturn of the corner of his mouth, and a pause. “All right, then.” He began to sit up.

“CUT.”

George looked at his script and then Aidan. “Ok. We’ll capture the next bit where you unbutton your shorts when we change camera angles. But you can remove them for now.”

Aidan stepped out of the tent to remove them, and when he climbed back in, he was wearing what appeared to be the smallest, tightest, nude spandex shorts I’d ever seen.

I looked away but Aidan laughed. “I know. It’s a good look, right?”

I smirked. “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

He chuckled as he climbed back on top of me. The cameras watched. The lights were hot. George and Sarah stared at us. We were both barely clothed, locked in an embrace that was about to appear even more intimate.

George shuffled his script in his hands. “Ok, we’re going to run through this next part a few times, from start to end, with a few different angles which will be cut together in the end. Let’s just see how it looks this first time. Ready to go?”

I looked up at Aidan. He smirked. He knew I was more relaxed now. He looked more relaxed too. This was just a game, and we were here to give our best performance.

We both nodded.

“And…ACTION.”

Aidan watched me for a moment as we composed ourselves for the intensity of the scene. I saw Alexander in his eyes. I saw his love for her. I saw his need for her. I saw him losing himself in her already. He leaned his forehead into mine and whispered as he closed his eyes. “Hold onto me.”

I touched his neck, his shoulders, clinging him to me as he moved his torso like he was entering me. I squeezed my eyes shut, remembering the bite of pain that I’d once experienced myself.

And then he pressed his parted lips to mine and he began to move at a slow pace. I felt a blush creep into my cheeks again. The camera didn’t capture anything below the waist, so no part of us touched there, but even the act of pretending was intimate enough.

When he lifted his head, I tried to look at his face, but as soon as I did, it felt like I was intruding on something personal, seeing him like that, as if he were actually coming undone above me. So I closed my eyes and I focused on my own expressions as he picked up his pace.

The misbehaving curl on his forehead hung down to touch my own skin as his labored breathing pierced the air, and I couldn’t help myself but to imagine what might have been if I hadn’t stopped him in his hotel room in Malibu.

I breathed almost as heavily as he did, and with his open lips just inches from mine, I whispered. “Don’t stop, Shura.”

“I won’t stop, Tania” He whispered back, opening his feverish, adoring eyes to mine for just a few seconds and then squeezing them shut again.

He slid his fingers through mine, grasping my hand tightly. And then he lowered his head to my neck and rested his lips there as we climbed to the height of the scene and let out the sounds and the breaths and the shivers of an ecstasy that existed only in our imaginations.

He came to a slow stop and then collapsed down onto me with most of his weight. He was heavier than I’d expected, and my own breaths came shallower as we lay like that for a few seconds.

And then Aidan lifted himself up just enough so that he could rest his forehead against mine. Our eyes were closed as our breathing slowed.

It was too much and not enough all at the same time. I was too close to him. Too close to someone who promised to only be a friend. But as he laid across me, skin-to-skin, and his lips brushed my cheek so gently, I had the urge to pull him impossibly closer.

His voice came out barely audible. “I love you, Tatiana.”

I placed my hand on the side of his face, running my thumb across the short stubble that grew there. And then I lifted my lips toward his. “I love you, Alexander.”

“CUT. Great job. Let’s run it again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The love scene that they filmed was by far the most difficult scene I’ve written to date. Trying to figure out how to make it sexy, but also technical, trying to make sure it was realistic (even though I know nothing about what it’s like to film a scene like that), and then at the same time, trying not to make it painfully cheesy…it was tough. I hope I did ok.
> 
> Thank you all, so much, for your lovely support and comments ❤
> 
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